Story Since I started thinking about CTB I became happier.

[Queen B]

I don't understand what is happening to me, but the idea of CTB makes me very happy. Before, I was very depressed, and I couldn't think about anything but how much of a loser I am, but once I start planning my CTB, I don't feel that anymore. I woke depressed every morning, but once I started thinking about how my family would find me, my mood changes. I feel very happy; I even went back to cooking and going out. Thinking about CTB made me much stronger; I got a rejection letter from a job I really wanted today, but I couldn't care less hhhh. Now, I'm planning to go to the movie theater this week and watch the Beyoncé Christmas halftime show next. The idea of CTB made me no longer care if people didn't like me, I don't care if I made anyone angry; I'll leave soon anyway.

For the past 2 months, I've been waking up thinking of what my setup would look like and who I would sneak out in the night without anyone noticing. Everyone will panic in the morning, and they'll start looking for me. Not knowing that I'm happy and no longer here, I will delete everything on my phone and laptop I'll delete any clue about me being gay or anything I feel no one should know, I'll leave with nothing for anyone to remember me I'll burn all my photos I'll get rid of all my stuff except a note for my family to soothe them and make it easier to forget me. I know my family will be sad for a couple of months, then they will realize it's better for them as they no longer have to feel embarrassed by me knowing that their gay son had gone without anyone knowing without him dirting their name. Only they will know and they'll be happy about it.

 

[Randy Savage]

This is a pretty common way to feel after a person has settled on suicide. Dying represents a certain freedom from stress, sadness, obligation, judgement, and more.

Please assess the way you're feeling before you make your final decision. The contentment you feel right now could be an indicator of how things could be for you in the future if you began to let go of negative attachments. Suicide is not the only way to move past toxic parts of your life.

I wish you luck on your journey.

 

[ringo99]

Totally understandable. I feel light and wonderful when I think about ctb. An end to all suffering and responsibilities always gives me an amazing high. I'm having problems tying up a few loose ends in my life. Can't ctb until I'm done. Hopefully next year

 

[bananaolympus]

I think is normal, i also experience that it may be a cope mechanism thinking that all your problems do have an answer with death seeing it like ultimate freedom

 

[Queen B]

This is a pretty common way to feel after a person has settled on suicide. Dying represents a certain freedom from stress, sadness, obligation, judgement, and more.

Please assess the way you're feeling before you make your final decision. The contentment you feel right now could be an indicator of how things could be for you in the future if you began to let go of negative attachments. Suicide is not the only way to move past toxic parts of your life.

I wish you luck on your journey.

I've similar thought and my day is not close yet so I've plenty of time to rethink about my decision. However, I'm really not looking for the future, so I think this feeling of happiness is the feeling of not caring about my future and for the first time I'm not scared of anything that will happen tomorrow.