Sitting in a bus rn, but not the right one

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

I don't know if anyone here still remembers me or if those who would are already gone.
Right now I'm sitting in a bus. And damn I wish it would take me to the other side or just somewhere else, somewhere peaceful.

I look out of the window and there's a little hawk, stuck midair and flapping its wings over a field. There are sunrays shining through the clouds and it will be dark again soon.

Honestly?
I don't even know.

It's been more than a year and I really thought I could make it this time, recover or something.
But here I am I guess, back again and looking through my options.

Was I born to be suicidal? Just to come back to this point again and again?
Will I finally be able to do it or will I disappear and reappear on this forum, always falling back, never sure to which side I belong in the end?
Is this how things are now?

Okay so, I have to get out of the bus. It didn't bring me anywhere I really wanted to be.

The air is cold outside and I don't want to breathe in.

Whoever made it this far, I'm so sorry.
That you're feeling the same or something similar.

 

[Loaf of bread]

I'm in the same boat. I was really hopeful about recovery, but it didn't quite work out and now I'm back at SS reconsidering my options.

Being unsure about whether to recover or ctb is frustrating, neither seem like good options. Hard to figure out what to do, and the status kuo is bad too.

It sucks to be in such a situation, I hope it improves somehow. I wish you best of luck in the future, whatever happens

 

[Valhala]

I read your post and sympathize with you. But there is something else amazing, the date of your membership in this forum is 4th August 2023, that's the exact day I started a relationship with the only woman I've ever truly loved and that's why I'm actually here because, recklessly, I ended that relationship three times and lost him, after which my life became completely meaningless. The only thing that still keeps me here is that maybe we could still be together though. I dream about her often and in the dream is always to reconcile and be together again, that's still the only, thin thread that keeps me alive and gives me seemingly some meaning.

 

[Hana68]

Was I born to be suicidal? Just to come back to this point again and again?
Will I finally be able to do it or will I disappear and reappear on this forum, always falling back, never sure to which side I belong in the end?
Is this how things are now?

I feel the same way, its like we are cursed the moment we are born