Try to relax.
Start writing down protocol you want to follow once you get the SN
Repeat it in your mind over and over again
Start writing and observing the time other people go to sleep at night
Or the time you can get house by yourself for at least 4 hours
Try to imagine the scenario when you have house by yourself and SN
Can you get through it?
If not; you're not ready yet
No matter the pain you're suffering or going through
There's still some hope deep inside to live
And that's the case
you shouldn't try to ctb
You'd stop halfway or try something odd on impulse and might end up with something worse
You should give life a chance or seek help
And if you can see yourself going through it despite knowing the aftermath
Pain you'd cause others and everything
You still see yourself going through the process
Then you have made up your mind
And you can do it without causing unnecessary harm to yourself or pain to others
Try to relax.
Start writing down protocol you want to follow once you get the SN
Repeat it in your mind over and over again
Start writing and observing the time other people go to sleep at night
Or the time you can get house by yourself for at least 4 hours
Try to imagine the scenario when you have house by yourself and SN
Can you get through it?
If not; you're not ready yet
No matter the pain you're suffering or going through
There's still some hope deep inside to live
And that's the case
you shouldn't try to ctb
You'd stop halfway or try something odd on impulse and might end up with something worse
You should give life a chance or seek help
And if you can see yourself going through it despite knowing the aftermath
Pain you'd cause others and everything
You still see yourself going through the process
Then you have made up your mind
And you can do it without causing unnecessary harm to yourself or pain to others
If you really want to ctb
Try to find maximum time window you can get house for yourself
If not 4 hours
At least you should have 3 hours before anyone can spot you
Try to find that time window and practice your protocol in that tome window
Just to be sure of things
Also you can try out protocol after midnight
But you have to be sure that no one will get up to check on you
Especially on the day of real ctb process
Will pray that you find peace in whatever you decide and do