Venting So exhausted with life

[ijustwishtodie]

Like usual, I'm just venting about my own life. I'm so tired from the mere act of existing. For many people (at least in the first world), life itself is easy for them. What I mean by this is doing the things that everybody has to do like responsibilities and work. Of course I'm not referring to any additional hardship that life causes like a chronic condition but just what I'd call is the "baseline hardship" that is automatically attached to every human (excluding the ultra rich humans sigh). For me, going through the baseline hardship is incredibly, incredibly difficult.

As for why that is, I honestly don't even know myself. All I've concluded is that it has to be due to my autism as that caused my neurotype to change which in turn caused me to not be equipped enough to deal with life. Perhaps that's a rather lazy conclusion to make but, then again, I am lazy so that checks out. Whatever the reason may be, the outcome still exists and the outcome is me being a mess in response to life's struggles. I spent 4 days of constant studying all for me to still be extremely behind. A problem with me is that I'm really slow at executing tasks and this seems to be innate within me.

Another massive problem is that I have no motivation to do anything! The lack of motivation to do anything makes going through life super difficult. People tend to rely on having some sort of motivation or goal for what they're doing but when I see life as an imposition and every action as something that I'm forced to do regardless of whether I like it or not (hopefully this thread had proven that I indeed don't like it), how can I be expected to have any motivation to do anything?

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm too tired and my brain is absolutely fried from merely going through the motions of life. I've never seen pro lifers acknowledge that the act of merely existing and going through the baseline hardship is what causes somebody to be suicidal or hate life in the first place. It's like they don't even acknowledge that people like me exist. All of my issues could be solved by death as it's only by death where I don't have to go through any hardship or do things that I don't want to do. However, just as I'm too exhausted to go through life, I'm also too exhausted to go through the dying process. I'm so tired and not even sleep can heal my tiredness

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Like usual, I'm just venting about my own life. I'm so tired from the mere act of existing. For many people (at least in the first world), life itself is easy for them. What I mean by this is doing the things that everybody has to do like responsibilities and work. Of course I'm not referring to any additional hardship that life causes like a chronic condition but just what I'd call is the "baseline hardship" that is automatically attached to every human (excluding the ultra rich humans sigh). For me, going through the baseline hardship is incredibly, incredibly difficult.

As for why that is, I honestly don't even know myself. All I've concluded is that it has to be due to my autism as that caused my neurotype to change which in turn caused me to not be equipped enough to deal with life. Perhaps that's a rather lazy conclusion to make but, then again, I am lazy so that checks out. Whatever the reason may be, the outcome still exists and the outcome is me being a mess in response to life's struggles. I spent 4 days of constant studying all for me to still be extremely behind. A problem with me is that I'm really slow at executing tasks and this seems to be innate within me.

Another massive problem is that I have no motivation to do anything! The lack of motivation to do anything makes going through life super difficult. People tend to rely on having some sort of motivation or goal for what they're doing but when I see life as an imposition and every action as something that I'm forced to do regardless of whether I like it or not (hopefully this thread had proven that I indeed don't like it), how can I be expected to have any motivation to do anything?

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm too tired and my brain is absolutely fried from merely going through the motions of life. I've never seen pro lifers acknowledge that the act of merely existing and going through the baseline hardship is what causes somebody to be suicidal or hate life in the first place. It's like they don't even acknowledge that people like me exist. All of my issues could be solved by death as it's only by death where I don't have to go through any hardship or do things that I don't want to do. However, just as I'm too exhausted to go through life, I'm also too exhausted to go through the dying process. I'm so tired and not even sleep can heal my tiredness

Welcome back

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

just as I'm too exhausted to go through life, I'm also too exhausted to go through the dying process. I'm so tired and not even sleep can heal my tiredness

Just wanted to comment that I relate to this so hard. I think it's something that's really hard for non-suicidal people to wrap their brains around, that we can have a tiredness so heavy that it can't be resolved with rest. That we have gone past the point of no return, and there is no "refreshing" for us.