So, what got you in here?

[M+A_forever]

Hello, I'm new here, just joined yesterday.

After lurking for a bit I was mesmerized with how much life is in a place full of people who are losing it, so it got me curious, what got you in here? What's the thought process? The reason? How'd your life go for it to lead you here?

If that sounds a little invasive then you don't have to answer, it just got me curious as to how and why being alive leads some of us to death faster than it should be, and I feel like I wanted the answer directly from you guys. (Because answering my own questions doesn't help lol)

 

[Darkover]

given the choice beforehand i would never consent to being brought alive here given the fact that life is a gamble where the worst thing can come true like getting a terminal illness or physical injury

 

[Hana68]

I was suffering from severe OCD since I was 11, then my family kind of got crazy, I suffered abuse and also got bullied heavily at school (beaten up on the streets and got death threats) at 14 I started self harming and had a suicide attempt at 16, so yeah severe OCD, abused by family and got bullied at school

 

[Praestat_Mori]

A big failure in life and a lot of other misfortunes (or just really bad luck in life bc everything went wrong what could go wrong) made me suicidal and ultimately I ended up here.

 

[zadyszka]

Welcome to SaSu.

I don't remember what lead me to joining this site, but I remember how I found it. I remember googling something, but I don't remember what exactly it was. After going to page ~8 of google I stumbled accross this site, page 100 something of some thread. It was the name of the forum that caught my eye, and after scrolling through the forum a bit I found it to be quite interesting. That was a few years before I joined, though.

 

[M+A_forever]

given the choice beforehand i would never consent to being brought alive here given the fact that life is a gamble where the worst thing can come true like getting a terminal illness or physical injury

I was thinking about that earlier. What if we were Interviewed before being born?

Unfortunately the premise that we were asked if we want to born would have been meaningless if it were real. Because first off, at that point we have no idea what life is, even if we know what it is, what were thinking of before we say "yes I want to be born" will be vastly different to what we're going to experience. Unfortunately, expectations is one of the things that leads to decision.

So yeah if you were asked "do you want to be born?, here's how it might go" just say no and ask them to give your money back.

Welcome to SaSu.

I don't remember what lead me to joining this site, but I remember how I found it. I remember googling something, but I don't remember what exactly it was. After going to page ~8 of google I stumbled accross this site, page 100 something of some thread. It was the name of the forum that caught my eye, and after scrolling through the forum a bit I found it to be quite interesting. That was a few years before I joined, though.

Oh wow, you've been here for years? How's it going?

 

[zadyszka]

Oh wow, you've been here for years? How's it going?

Eh, wouldn't say that. After discovering SaSu, I pretty much forgot about it until I decided to make an account. I was never really active, I still rarely am. So far, my experience with it has been good. It's good to have a place where no one knows you, a place where you can freely express your thoughts regarding topics like suicide.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

Well, at first, I was desperately searching for CTB methods and mindlessly browsing YouTube and the web until I found this site. When I got here, I was mostly asking people for tips, but slowly, I found comfort because of how welcoming the community is. It's comforting to know that you won't be frowned upon just for talking about suicide here, and there are people who suffer the same fate.

As for the reason why I was desperately searching for methods, it's because of how boring and shitty my life is. Just like most people here, I have abusive parents. I'm really bad at socializing, and my life is filled with nothing but misfortune and bad luck. Because of that, I really don't think I want to stay here any longer, when most of the highlights in my life are either trauma or regret, and I can't even remember the last time I genuinely enjoyed doing something.

Anyway, welcome to SaSu. I hope you enjoy your stay.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish to cease existing because I find existence to be deeply undesirable, to me human existence is such a futile, torturous burden, I'd always prefer to painlessly die than suffer in this existence I never would have wished for just to die in agony from old age. To me existence just feels like a terrible mistake, I see existence itself as the true problem, for me personally non-existence is all I've ever hoped for, I'd never wish to be conscious at all, more than anything I wish I was never forced into this existence that just creates suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for, I only hope to never exist again where all is finally forgotten about for me and there's no more pain, no more suffering.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm here because of mentally pain! I pray I don't wake up everyday. I had too many things go wrong in my life to explain. I'm literally waiting to die. I have detached myself from everyone and live in my own world. I don't enjoy anything anymore. My mother and sister died and I have no drive or motivation to live anymore. I stopped trying to kill myself and accepted it's almost over.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had ideation since I was 10. Bereavement, bullying and now just exhaustion with life more or less. I found out about Sasu when I was researching methods. I joined within minutes of reading a few threads. I may be stuck here for a while. (I want to wait for my Dad to go before I do.) Sasu has been much more than just a place to research methods. I truly don't know where I'd be without this community and the chance to be honest about how I feel without everyone irl freaking out or deserting me. I hope you can find some sollace here also. Welcome to the forum.

 

[TAW122]

I've always wanted to go on my own terms and it wasn't until I'm about 18 or so when I learned of the word, 'euthanasia' and at first I wasn't sure about it until I looked up the definition of it. Ever since then, I've embraced the idea of death and non-sentience and then I sought out to learn about those topics. However, even in the late 2000's or even 2010's suicide prevention programs and efforts became more and more aggressive, almost shoving it at almost every corner (still not as rampant it was in the recent years), and I got really frustrated that each time that the stupid number and any anti-suicide message keeps being shoved up in my search results. It wasn't until I found SaSu on reddit, that I got the ball going in terms of finding a similar community. After Reddit shut down SaSu subreddits, then SaSu forum (this forum) was born. I remember wanting to do research on reliable methods and finding a way to reliably CTB so that's how I got onto SaSu to begin with. Later that flourished into a space where I can talk about these topics without censorship, unsolicited platitudes, and other uncanny faux-concern that is thrown about in mainstream life.

 

[Unleashtherain]

I sought mental health help and tried countless medications combinations. That not only failed to give any type of stability but made my conditions much worse adding several physical conditions to the plate. It's been close to 5 years of hell and zero hope. I'm simply a breathing burden. I came here because most seemed so kind. Others that got the bad hand at life and wanted to fold as well.

 

[been__ready]

30+ years with undiagnosed bipolar and BPD as a result of parental abandonment and poor genetics… which led to a string of failed relationships (romantic, platonic, professional, familial). very extreme and self-destructive manic episodes.

Things have just gotten so out of control - and so many of my relationships have been damaged - that I don't see a way out without more suffering for myself and others. I so wish I had had a normal life and upbringing and could've contributed to society - rather than having to constantly run from one fire before starting the next.. my life has forever been in flames.

I found this site after my first failed CTB attempt - I forgot how exactly.. but it came up somewhere in my research on CTB methods via google search. I lurked for a few months as well.. it is remarkable how many kind people are here.. trying to hold space for each other why experiencing common/shared suffering. We are all just seeking a peaceful way out of misery.. for ourselves and others.

Without a humane way to die, it leaves us to resort to inhumane methods. I hope this changes for future generations.. for those of us who came from compromised backgrounds, we tend to stay on the same path of self-destruction.: or by the time we realize what we have done..it is too late.



What brought you here?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I originally found this site in high school while looking up methods but then I forgot about its existence (I didn't remember that I had been here before until several months after I signed up). I rediscovered this place after a video on this site was recommended to me. I was and still am suicidal, though at the time my suicidal ideation was so bad that it was kind of distressing to deal with. I don't like being alive. I'll probably never be thankful for being born. My life was never that bad and I'm not mentally ill. I basically just find being alive to be unappealing and I eventually want out (but only when the time is right).

 

[savory]

In a nutshell, there's destructive patterns in my life or that I have that I've in so far been unable break. I've not been able to become as independent or as resilient as needed or expected. I make strides and then I crumble. At my age I've begun fearing the loss of people close to me and the possibility of becoming homeless.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I've been like this for so long that I don't even remember what pushed me to this point. I imagine it was a bunch of things that just kept stacking higher and higher, and eventually it got to the point that I started attempting.

 

[simonttt]

First little suicidal thoughts at 15, because of loneliness, fake friends, non supportive parents, scattered family. Then it went pretty well with a change of city, of my whole environment etc.. When the adrenaline of change started running slow, it came back naturally. I'm still trying to figure out why I think about CTB every day. I guess i feel bad whatsoever, and the more I'm alive the more i'm desperate because I see it doesn't make any difference

 

[Seered Doom]

A whole lot of mental illness that people take as a joke and actively make worse.

 

[M+A_forever]

What brought you here?

Sorry to hear that, I hope you find peace, as for my story, it's the same as everyone here, dysfunctional family, got abandoned by mom, dad's a drug addict and roams the streets high and naked, lived with my aunt who's choking me to death (I only matter to her because I am a top student, and even my school life isn't any better), got snakes disguised as friends who likes backstabbing a little too much, etc. etc.

I just realized that death is the only choice I can make for myself if I want to spare my poor self from anymore suffering. Come to think of it, I had death trying to get me three times already since my conception.

I'm just currently waiting for my chance to die, of course if I find another reason to live then I'd hold on to it, see where it takes me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I thought that the current suicide methods available were extremely terrifying and repulsive so I searched for a forum like this one in the hopes that I'd find a peaceful method that I can access. Unfortunately, no, I couldn't find anything here that I can access meaning that I'm stuck in existence

 

[areyousafe??]

I've known of this website/forum for a while now, however last time I tried accessing it, it was blocked and banned.

Now more depressed than ever, my interest grew in KL and I wanted to learn more about SN. After doing some research on SN, it appeared in a news article that someone used it to suicide and that person is located from where I am from. In the news article it said that they had accessed this forum prior to killing themselves. So here I am.