Story Something to say

[golgappa]

Sometimes I feel like whatever I say comes to life, and other times I feel like the opposite happens. There's this person I've been talking to for years now. He knows everything about mental health, and every time I'm sad, I talk to him. Over time, that's led to him catching feelings ...But I've always had this thought in the back of my mind that if we ever got together, he would end up dying.

I know it's not true, yet recently things have been worse. I will trying to stay away from him because I don't know If I want to live ,and I don't want to put another person through that, he recently confessed and to be honest I want to give it a try, recently I start in noticeing that after the confession that he's getting sick a lot—like with life-threatening illnesses. Even though it's curable, I can't help but feel like what I thought is coming true. It's like I said something, and God heard me at that time.

 

[GoSan1]

I get your point, even if I were to find love right now, I doubt it would safe me from dying but only postpone it, nonetheless I would never block my feelings, and neither should you. In the end, things can take surprising turns, even in this dark world, and we can never know the outcome unless it happens. And when it comes to love, one should not starve himself out of doubt.

From how you wrote it, you also seem to have feelings for him. If so, give it a chance. Either it will work out greatly, or he will understand your wanting to die. That is if its true love...

But this is coming from a guy that hasn't even had a first kiss, so please just see this as an opinion and not some advice or anything...

 

[golgappa]

I get your point, even if I were to find love right now, I doubt it would safe me from dying but only postpone it, nonetheless I would never block my feelings, and neither should you. In the end, things can take surprising turns, even in this dark world, and we can never know the outcome unless it happens. And when it comes to love, one should not starve himself out of doubt.

From how you wrote it, you also seem to have feelings for him. If so, give it a chance. Either it will work out greatly, or he will understand your wanting to die. That is if its true love...

But this is coming from a guy that hasn't even had a first kiss, so please just see this as an opinion and not some advice or anything...

Yea but everytime I talk to him is when I am crying and he listens and advices me calms me ... which I love cause no one else does but idk if I have feelings for him...in that way but if there is anyone I have to spend my life with it has to be him cause how will I find such an amazing person again for years I tell ya he heard me asking nothing back when I fuck up he says it's ok...I matter when I need something he gets it for me I just don't want to let more people know about my existence cause it will be worse to leave..and I know living will be cause of them and not me all I care about is nothing...

 

[GoSan1]

Yea but everytime I talk to him is when I am crying and he listens and advices me calms me ... which I love cause no one else does but idk if I have feelings for him...in that way but if there is anyone I have to spend my life with it has to be him cause how will I find such an amazing person again for years I tell ya he heard me asking nothing back when I fuck up he says it's ok...I matter when I need something he gets it for me I just don't want to let more people know about my existence cause it will be worse to leave..and I know living will be cause of them and not me all I care about is nothing...

Edit, gotta change the text, it sounds too forced sorry

So maybe you should try to talk to him about things he does and stuff, getting to know his personality can help you imagine if you truly love such a person. In this state its hard to differentiate feelings of love and not wanting to be lonely, the situation you're in sucks to begin with, as no one should be in so much suffering...This might also be just me selfishly wanting you not to miss out on something that could possibly be good for you.