sickofbeinghere
sad girl
- Oct 27, 2021
- 56
hey guys - I wanted to share a bit of a happy story with you.
soooo after going through some very extreme trauma (basically I'm a trafficking survivor, domestic abuse survivor, familial abuse, emotional abuse survivor and stalking survivor. PHEW.) I have been diagnosed with complex-PTSD, dissociative disorder and severe depression.
My ups and downs have been awful.. I mean seriously, the mood instability has been literally impossible to live with. Randomly shouting, cutting everyone off, unable to function normally, constant flashbacks, I feel like I've become everything I've ever hated and completely lost sight of who I am as a person.. my personality. I even developed a chronic neurological disorder from the stress, so Im disabled for life now.
At 21 I decided to fix my life and build something better for myself, so I left my abusive home and became homeless for almost two years. Now, at 23, I have my own flat which I rent and I'm in university. I've had to to take a year off for mental health reasons (I did the first year through homelessness and somehow passed), but I just started on probably like the 5th medication I've tried... and guess what... IT WORKS!!!
so propranolol is a beta blocker and it basically blocks your body producing too much adrenaline... and when I tell u guys I was producing too much adrenaline, I MEAN IT. LOL. my body physiologically COULD NOT let go of these extreme traumas - even though my personality, my soul, whatever u wanna call it.. has been crying out to just let go.
I'm not completely better yet. but when Im on my meds, Im a lot less suicidal. I can actually focus to sit down and read a book again!! I used to love reading YEARS AGO, before a majority of my trauma happened in my teen years. Im finally getting back in touch myself - with and discovering who I am outside of extreme anxiety, fear, rage, depression and grief.
this won't be everybody's story of course. we are all suicidal for different reasons. some of us are terminally or chronically ill. some of us aren't ready to hear this advice, too. but if you're struggling with mental illness and anywhere from 18 to your 40s, you're actually very young and still have a lot of life to live. follow the psychological interventions.. i know its challenging, drags it all back up to the surface, and makes u feel worse before u feel better. I know money is also a barrier to access. I'm still living without proper interventions as I'm in england on the NHS. but if there's any way u can access the help thats out there - even in england, where there's barely any resources - PLEASE take all the help u can get, you won't regret it.
your mental illness isn't your fault and you're not a piece of shit for it, remember that. this thing is a fucking cancer. it destroys u silently from the inside out. negative worldview is a symptom of your condition. it's not really who you are - in your essence, your personality, your soul.
soooo after going through some very extreme trauma (basically I'm a trafficking survivor, domestic abuse survivor, familial abuse, emotional abuse survivor and stalking survivor. PHEW.) I have been diagnosed with complex-PTSD, dissociative disorder and severe depression.
My ups and downs have been awful.. I mean seriously, the mood instability has been literally impossible to live with. Randomly shouting, cutting everyone off, unable to function normally, constant flashbacks, I feel like I've become everything I've ever hated and completely lost sight of who I am as a person.. my personality. I even developed a chronic neurological disorder from the stress, so Im disabled for life now.
At 21 I decided to fix my life and build something better for myself, so I left my abusive home and became homeless for almost two years. Now, at 23, I have my own flat which I rent and I'm in university. I've had to to take a year off for mental health reasons (I did the first year through homelessness and somehow passed), but I just started on probably like the 5th medication I've tried... and guess what... IT WORKS!!!
so propranolol is a beta blocker and it basically blocks your body producing too much adrenaline... and when I tell u guys I was producing too much adrenaline, I MEAN IT. LOL. my body physiologically COULD NOT let go of these extreme traumas - even though my personality, my soul, whatever u wanna call it.. has been crying out to just let go.
I'm not completely better yet. but when Im on my meds, Im a lot less suicidal. I can actually focus to sit down and read a book again!! I used to love reading YEARS AGO, before a majority of my trauma happened in my teen years. Im finally getting back in touch myself - with and discovering who I am outside of extreme anxiety, fear, rage, depression and grief.
this won't be everybody's story of course. we are all suicidal for different reasons. some of us are terminally or chronically ill. some of us aren't ready to hear this advice, too. but if you're struggling with mental illness and anywhere from 18 to your 40s, you're actually very young and still have a lot of life to live. follow the psychological interventions.. i know its challenging, drags it all back up to the surface, and makes u feel worse before u feel better. I know money is also a barrier to access. I'm still living without proper interventions as I'm in england on the NHS. but if there's any way u can access the help thats out there - even in england, where there's barely any resources - PLEASE take all the help u can get, you won't regret it.
your mental illness isn't your fault and you're not a piece of shit for it, remember that. this thing is a fucking cancer. it destroys u silently from the inside out. negative worldview is a symptom of your condition. it's not really who you are - in your essence, your personality, your soul.
