Soooo... drugs have made me feel slightly better...

[dontwantthislife]

Oxycodone. Lol. Yay, swap my almost fatal self harm addiction (dunno if I can share pics but had many surgeries of cuts on my thighs all the way to muscle etc)

Anyway I have started feeling down again lately. Oxy can only do so much, my life situation hasn't improved.

I had an almost fatal suicide attempt in August 2018 where I cut through my neck, 4mm away from the carotid artery. Emergency surgery and all that jazz. They say "oh once you survived a suicide attempt you'll be glad you did."

lies. Not a single day goes past I'm glad I lived.

 

[timf]

A major problem with long term use of opioids is that the body tends to make more endorphin receptors to adjust which requires increasing dosages to get the same effect.

Like alcoholism, dulling the pain is only a short term solution. If you are stuck in a downward spiral, it may take something bold and innovative to break out. Experimentation may even mean attempting actions that make things worse. This can be minimized by finding out what others have tried to increase the odds of finding something that works.

One key element can be finding something you can control. Sometimes cutting and eating disorders are attempts at a type of control. You are probably familiar with the dangers of cultivating this type of control. One alternative type of control might be volunteering, for example, to work a couple of hours a week helping to clean the kitchen of elderly people. This might not be too much of a sacrifice of time, give you a point in each week to break out of your routine, and even expose you to people who might show you gratitude.

 

[popcorn]

Opiates are great for depression tho. Soon as I take a hit I don't give a shit for nothing. Being sober is boring dull and painful. Without them I just lie in bed and look at he wall. Fun