I look around on the daily and see men and women in Dark places, and more often than not they take it out on everyone and anyone they can, because they have no outlet. I've come to realize that the only way to combat my Darkness is to objectively realize that by spreading my own version of negativity, I strengthen and continue the cycle of idiocy that is prevalent throughout society and history, and I for one refuse to be the one who prolongs someone else's suffering and or pain. Maybe it's my calling to help other's, maybe it's my version of a crutch instead of cutting, popping pills, fighting, drinking, etc. It's the only method, the only path that has given me a sense of true satisfaction, the only action by which I feel.. not healthy, for I couldn't tell you what a healthy mind or body looked like anymore. Not whole, I've lost too much of myself over the years to recall what my base self vaguely looks like. No, it gives me the strength to keep on hoping. To keep fighting my own personal demons, whether they're spiritual, emotional, psychological, I've yet to find out and won't flatter my own self by saying I know for sure what it is that afflicts me. But I have one salve, and that is to Spread The Light. For some, being aggressive, rude, sh***y people is enough, maybe they've completely given up. But for those of you that haven't yet completely given up control, or the knowledge that at the end of the day all we can do is hope to affect those around us in the most profound or simplistic ways possible, what I define as my Ripple Effect. Big or small, a rock thrown into a pond has an effect. Big or small, negative or positive, our actions and words have an effect on everyone and everything around us in terrible and beautiful ways. Everything we do, everything we say is a Choice. Being Negative or Positive to anybody, at any time could have the most powerful unforeseeable effects that you and I could never hope to imagine, whether flipping someone off in the street could be the last straw on the camel's back, or smiling at the cashier at Walmart and telling them they're doing an amazing job could stop him from going home to kill his girlfriend, daughter and then himself. We can never claim to know what the consequences of our actions will be with any degree of success, but we can make educated guesses based on the information we ourselves have accrued through our own experiences and the data our friends, the media, and the internet have made available to us. Do not hate without cause, and even if there is cause, is it going to make anything better? I can tell you from experience being petty, completely destroying someone else's aspirations and dreams feels amazing. For that specific moment of triumph, and then you feel the crushing guilt. See your own pain mirrored right back at you through their own. Then comes the realization that all youve done is continue the cycle that made you as f***ed as you are now. So why not err on the side of safety? Why not be positive where and when you can? I want to burn the world down around me every day. I don't know why, but I know that it's unacceptable from an objective, intellectual point of view. Not everyone deserves to be destroyed, though throughout my life my experience has proven the saying that no one is innocent to be the truest saying I've ever had the privilege of knowing. But screw what everyone else thinks. I pay it forward hoping that my actions, my tiny pebble of Action will grow and grow into a tsunami for some poor soul who needs it. who knows maybe my good deed will seem a tiny inconsequential pebble to me, but could seem like the most earthshaking occurrence for the recipient. There's no harm in trying, and there's no damage that could be done by being positive. You won't feel worse, beyond seeing no change around you. But at the end of the day those actions will show their worth, if not in the world around you, then you'll see it. The gradual change, the lessening of your burden, that you can pull in just a bit more air than you could yesterday, that food and water have lost that ashy aftertaste that its had for days, weeks, months, years. And you realize that the propogation of Light has its own payoffs, and that even though there are rarely any true recipients who see and notice your good deed of the day, you're okay with that. And the fact that you're okay with anything shows the importance of this path of action.
Understand that this is my coping method. I've spoken about it before, but not may people see things the way I do. If this idea, this way of life isn't for you, then I understand and thank you for reading this.
Understand that this is my coping method. I've spoken about it before, but not may people see things the way I do. If this idea, this way of life isn't for you, then I understand and thank you for reading this.
