Story Starting to recover

[Yoffi]

A little bit over two years ago was when I fell down the spiral of self-fueling depression, I ghosted my online friends, due to my "imposter syndrome", who were like brothers to me. I was ghosted by my significant-other. Lost contact with my only IRL friend. Developed social anxiety. Couldn't find a job that I wouldn't drop after three days and on top of it, my childhood friend died of cancer.
I couldn't feel anything but utter hopelessness and loneliness, which were absolutely crushing. This was when I started making serious plans to CTB.

But after all this time, one month ago things started getting a lot better, I got a job that I don't hate and with cool people working there. my old IRL friend reached out to me and we spent last night giggling from noon till midnight and being the annoying group of people in the middle of the night talking too loud alongside some of her other friends. I brute-forced my anxieties away. and one of my online friends found me and sent me a message telling me to get in contact with them and that they miss me.
This made me realize that while the feeling of hopelessness starts to slowly fade away, the feeling of loneliness got even stronger, and so did the suicidal thoughts, and even the thoughts of self-harm came back, I realized how much I was fucking starved of any meaningful human interaction.
So I downloaded Tinder and some other dating apps in order to compensate for that, and asked my mom to help me find a psychiatrist in hopes that I will go and finally get some professional help, but it all still doesn't help with the feeling that I am so fucking lonely.


And I will finish this with two questions;
I've heard of group therapies, and, I would like to attend one.
I obviously haven't even been to a psychiatrist/therapist yet, but is there a way to convince them to sign me up for such kind of therapy? or is getting assigned to one just a big fucking dice-roll?

And where the fuck am I supposed to meet new people? no one seriously goes to a bar to make friends, there are no group meetings focused around my interests (especially now due to corona), my co-workers and basically everyone else already has an established group of friends and have little to no interest in meeting new people, and I haven't used the dating apps for long enough to really tell.
where am I even supposed to start?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I can't answer the question about therapy but as for meeting new people it's probably a little more difficult due to covid but what about joining some sort of volunteering program? Meet new people and be able to give back to the community in some way. Before covid hit, I was volunteering at a food bank and it helped me to be able to interact with people and it made me feel better knowing that I was doing something good.

 

[BipolarGuy]

A little bit over two years ago was when I fell down the spiral of self-fueling depression, I ghosted my online friends, due to my "imposter syndrome", who were like brothers to me. I was ghosted by my significant-other. Lost contact with my only IRL friend. Developed social anxiety. Couldn't find a job that I wouldn't drop after three days and on top of it, my childhood friend died of cancer.
I couldn't feel anything but utter hopelessness and loneliness, which were absolutely crushing. This was when I started making serious plans to CTB.

But after all this time, one month ago things started getting a lot better, I got a job that I don't hate and with cool people working there. my old IRL friend reached out to me and we spent last night giggling from noon till midnight and being the annoying group of people in the middle of the night talking too loud alongside some of her other friends. I brute-forced my anxieties away. and one of my online friends found me and sent me a message telling me to get in contact with them and that they miss me.
This made me realize that while the feeling of hopelessness starts to slowly fade away, the feeling of loneliness got even stronger, and so did the suicidal thoughts, and even the thoughts of self-harm came back, I realized how much I was fucking starved of any meaningful human interaction.
So I downloaded Tinder and some other dating apps in order to compensate for that, and asked my mom to help me find a psychiatrist in hopes that I will go and finally get some professional help, but it all still doesn't help with the feeling that I am so fucking lonely.


And I will finish this with two questions;
I've heard of group therapies, and, I would like to attend one.
I obviously haven't even been to a psychiatrist/therapist yet, but is there a way to convince them to sign me up for such kind of therapy? or is getting assigned to one just a big fucking dice-roll?

And where the fuck am I supposed to meet new people? no one seriously goes to a bar to make friends, there are no group meetings focused around my interests (especially now due to corona), my co-workers and basically everyone else already has an established group of friends and have little to no interest in meeting new people, and I haven't used the dating apps for long enough to really tell.
where am I even supposed to start?

This is VERY good.

Only thing I would advise is considering if these people are REAL friends - did they leave you because you were depressed and now they're getting back in touch because you're getting better....?

 

[Yoffi]

Only thing I would advise is considering if these people are REAL friends - did they leave you because you were depressed and now they're getting back in touch because you're getting better....?

nothing like that, they don't even know about my mental state, we just sort of drifted away while being busy with our own lives, school, work, etc.