Can you ask your doctor if there are any other options available, like psychotherapy, art therapy, any kind of group activities or counceling? I'm so so glad you are seeking help for your suicidal feelings!
The first time i had no side effects on the drug, just the brain zaps if i forgot to take it, and nothing major when i quit. I had a lot of trouble coming off it the second time, it took many years and slow tapering and still couldn't get totally off it. I had major fatigue, trouble standing up (orthostatic intolerance), trouble sleeping and lots more. The full-blown PSSD is much worse than that, you can look it up. Then my doctor upped the dose a third time and a disaster struck, i got activation syndrome (
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Activation_syndrome) which is really horrible, zero sleep, akathisia etc. and it led to me being hospitalized.
I don't want to scare you but i think people deserve to know the risks & give informed consent before starting on these drugs that can be hard to come off of. A lot of people are fine on them (like i was for a long time) but when it goes wrong it can be really bad. If i could go back in time i'd never take any psychiatric drugs, there are more holistic and safe treatment options. Let me know if you are interested in more information about them and i can look things up.