step moms. can you trust them?

[MyChoiceAlone]

the one i have... what to say? she says things in public that just shouldn't be said. she lies to me thinking i would not know better. and oh, she ruined my wedding. had fights with my dad's few friends. pissed me of personally many times. i'm forgetting so much. but i will say that she saved my dad's life when he had a stroke. somehow, all was forgiven after that. i don't know what to make of myself.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Even if she saved your dad's life, she doesn't come off as trustworthy. I personally have dealt with my own shitty stepmother in the past. She used to try and get me to turn against my own mom by trying to implant the idea that she was being neglectful and abusive towards me. She abused my dad both physically and verbally, she used to beat my brother (not to the point of bruising) though she thankfully stopped when he was in kindergarten, she would call the police on my mom for all sorts of nonsense and had a strange rivarly with her, physically attacked my mom twice in a day, and caused a bunch of drama within our family and would play victim and act as though she's being forced into the middle of all of it with me.

She was a manipulative abusive piece of shit and recently my dad nearly ended up going to jail for a year thanks to her. Now we won't be able to see my brother fora while because it's apart of the set of agreements he must follow in order to stay out of jail. Now my dad won't be able to celebrate his birthday with his son. At the same time, she has gone out of her way to do some very nice things for him, but I still hate her.

Most people aren't just good or bad, instead they are a mixture of both. Your stepmother may have gone out of her wat to save your father's life but that doesn't mean you have to like her and trust her. You can acknowledge her good aspects while still not liking her. It doesn't make you a bad person. It's normal and completely understandable. You don't have to force yourself to like or trust anyone.

 

[SexyIncél]

She has interests. From what you mention, one is gaining control over your dad. Like provoking fights with his few friends. Isolating him. Striking at his relations with others & strengthening her own

Saving your father's life also fits that interest. Best to look at underlying interests, always.

If an action clashes with your knowledge of their interests, either there's an interest you don't know, an error in your understanding, or irrationality in achieving their interests

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i dunno. females in my personal life have been for the most part untrustworthy. that goes back to my birth mom and sis. but i know stepmom is doing a job that i cannot do and he'd be dead otherwise. we had a conversation a few months ago where she wanted me to just call her mom instead of 'new' mom. why the f would she want an old guy like me calling her mom? i don't understand.

the real problem is that my dad's building sold for a pricey sum. she keeps saying nonsense. i don't know if i should confront her or just let things be for now.
F! usual 3 bottles did not put me to sleep.4:30am here. i guess i'm going out to get more on my achy feet