Stop lying

[Aplev]

"Be yourself", "There's happiness in this life, be patient!", "Don't keep things to yourself, if there's something bothering you say it", and so much more.

I just heard someone complaining about how they lie to a friend about being busy and stuff because they don't want to hear them (their friend) about "their negativity", so they say "I'm busy I need to study" and stuff like that but they're actually playing videogames, watching movies, etc. Well you can't stand "negative" people, alright. But then don't go saying "just be yourself", because you just can't be yourself, that will make people dislike you and exclude you even more than they already do. I lived this, so many times, I already lost count, and now I read it, it just... why? Why can't I just go? If I tried again... could I really succeed this time? Trying to find happiness in this life is futile. Trying to have a less shitty life is futile also. Perhaps another attempt wouldn't be so futile? I don't know, though. Perhaps everything I do is futile. This is a cage, and I can't escape. I just want this to end once and for all.

"Death is not the solution" is probably the biggest lie of them all. Yes, if I was dead, everyone would be happier, including me, not having to deal with all these lies and constant pain.

 

[Douggy82]

Yup. Most people are full of shit. Some of it is just social norms and people not wanting to hurt feelings or stir the pot. Some people are malicious and self-centered.

 

[WitheredHeights]

I used to be very angry by those same lies. Now, I just try my best to find and practice what I think is the truth. The anger doesn't lead to any dignity in death or life. That anger that warms you now will leave you cold in the grave. Maybe we all will be cold in the grave, but I'd rather be there knowing I died with kindness and warmth in my heart even if none had ever been showed to me. Brennan Lee Mulligan said, "In the same way your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." Futility doesn't really matter. Whether or not you choose to CTB is your choice but try not to die regretting the lives you didn't live.

 

[sevennn]

they gave me this advice and i lost everything. six years later and i'm killing myself.

 

[Aplev]

they gave me this advice and i lost everything. six years later and i'm killing myself.

In a way, it's funny that you say this because I'm in the same situation right now. I can't believe I fucking followed that stupid piece of advice. My life would probably be shit anyways, but I'm not sure if as much. I think I really was better just staying in my own bubble with my own perceptions of the world without "trying to be myself and connect with others", some of us apparently will never see the light at the end of the tunnel, in fact it seems like it only gets darker. In that sense, I really don't care about feeling angry or being vocal about it, enough with that, nobody knows how much I suffered following such kind of advices. Only I do.

I used to be very angry by those same lies. Now, I just try my best to find and practice what I think is the truth. The anger doesn't lead to any dignity in death or life. That anger that warms you now will leave you cold in the grave. Maybe we all will be cold in the grave, but I'd rather be there knowing I died with kindness and warmth in my heart even if none had ever been showed to me. Brennan Lee Mulligan said, "In the same way your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." Futility doesn't really matter. Whether or not you choose to CTB is your choice but try not to die regretting the lives you didn't live.

Yeah, I used to be very angry by those same lies, then I tried to "change", and now I'm back to "super angry and I don't care". Like I said, it seems for some of us things will never change. "Living a life without regrets" is even worse for some of us, it makes life even darker. I don't want to try to be kind anymore, and I couldn't care less about whatever you're calling "dignity" here (even though apparently I was such a lover of that in the past). You're also assuming a lot of stuff, you're assuming anger warms me for example, when nothing warms me, everything feels nothing, even less than nothing. Of course I couldn't disagree more with that quote, it makes it look like it's one's fault to be where they are in life, when nothing is furthest from the truth. Also, CTB is not my choice, another thing you assumed about me, if it was my choice I would already be dead and not writing this post, since I tried, more than once, and it didn't work. Simply put, it would seem everyone's different, and fate cannot be changed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be gone, for me personally ceasing to exist truly would solve everything as after all if I'm dead then I cannot suffer in any way and all is finally gone and forgotten about for me which is all I hope for, I wish for this existence to be no longer my problem. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Tbh, if someone is being negative all the the time then I can kind of understand why their friends may do this. If I already have my own shit to deal with then I'm probably not going to want to have constantly hear someone say a bunch of negative things. That doesn't negate the fact that they should still be themselves, rather it just means that I may not be in the mood to put up with their negativity, especially if I'm already in a bad spot mentally. Being yourself doesn't mean that everyone is going to accept you nor does it mean that everyone is going to want to put up with your bullshit.

There is a part of myself that displays on this forum that I typically tend to repress when around others irl. A lot of people on this site are not fond of this side of myself but that doesn't stop me from displaying it nonetheless. Part of being yourself is also not giving a shit about what others think of you (unless you are actively harming others, of course). People disliking you or even having moments where they feel like they just can't deal with you is normal. It's inevitable. It's bound to happen, even if you were to try and put on the charming and likeable persona. People will always dislike you and exclude you no matter what you do.

This isn't to say that a lot of people don't say shit like "be yourself" and don't mean it. I would argue that most people only say shit to make themselves look good. When someone genuinely means what they are saying then they'll say something with actual thought put into it.

I also don't get why people say shit about happiness in life and life getting better when they can't even guarantee those things. It's so stupid.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wouldn't say that the platitudes that you presented in the first paragraph are lies per se as, imo, a lie stipulates that the person lying is doing so intentionally whilst knowing that isn't the truth but they genuinely do believe in their platitudes. That said, of course saying that you're busy when you actually aren't is lying but I guess that's just a consequence of dealing with unwritten neurotypical social norms since people refuse to say things directly to each other (and I guess I sort of understand why but, ugh, it sucks).

Of course I also believe that they have a lot of cognitive dissonance and you already provided an example of this with the "just be yourself" platitude in the sense that they say "just be yourself" but actually have a set of unwritten criteria of what is acceptable or not. This doesn't necessarily mean that they're lying by saying "just be yourself" though, all it means is that they haven't thought through the statement at all as, once again, they believe it to be the truth but they also have cognitive dissonance.

I also don't think that they're lying when they say that "death is not the solution" as they genuinely believe it to be the truth but, once again, it's a poorly thought out statement as death is indeed the solution for some people's struggles albeit not in the way you described as neither you nor the world would be happy at your own death.

Both you and the world would be indifferent to your own death: you would be indifferent to your own death since you'd be permanently non existent thus there is no you to possess any feelings and society would be indifferent to your own death as they will just move on with their life like usual (people are dying every second and it isn't like you're constantly acknowledging or getting happier over said deaths so why would everybody acknowledge your death)

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I agree . imo those are lies. The biggest lie of all most of them are based on is"life is good".

Notice no one is allowed to say life , living , or wanting to live is not good.

But no one has answered me the question : why do I have to live another minute ?or why do I have to want to live another minute?

There is no objective reason as an answer to those questions . Life is meaningless

Working 15 hours a day a job chores for no objective reason only to exist under threat of extreme torture . How is that good valuable or important?

 

[Aplev]

I wouldn't say that the platitudes that you presented in the first paragraph are lies per se as, imo, a lie stipulates that the person lying is doing so intentionally whilst knowing that isn't the truth but they genuinely do believe in their platitudes. That said, of course saying that you're busy when you actually aren't is lying but I guess that's just a consequence of dealing with unwritten neurotypical social norms since people refuse to say things directly to each other (and I guess I sort of understand why but, ugh, it sucks).

Of course I also believe that they have a lot of cognitive dissonance and you already provided an example of this with the "just be yourself" platitude in the sense that they say "just be yourself" but actually have a set of unwritten criteria of what is acceptable or not. This doesn't necessarily mean that they're lying by saying "just be yourself" though, all it means is that they haven't thought through the statement at all as, once again, they believe it to be the truth but they also have cognitive dissonance.

I also don't think that they're lying when they say that "death is not the solution" as they genuinely believe it to be the truth but, once again, it's a poorly thought out statement as death is indeed the solution for some people's struggles albeit not in the way you described as neither you nor the world would be happy at your own death.

Both you and the world would be indifferent to your own death: you would be indifferent to your own death since you'd be permanently non existent thus there is no you to possess any feelings and society would be indifferent to your own death as they will just move on with their life like usual (people are dying every second and it isn't like you're constantly acknowledging or getting happier over said deaths so why would everybody acknowledge your death)

This is extremely interesting because I've been doing myself this exact question for about the last week or so: if a lie is unintentional, does it count as a lie? Reality is reality no matter how you look at it. So if I'm hurt, how I look at it can change how I feel about it (reality changes, since I'm part of reality), however the fact remains that I was hurt at first, no matter what the intention of the person was. However, if we're going to classify an statement based on what it describes and not on intention, then in a way, everyone is lying. And, if we applied the same logic not only to lying, but to hurting in general, then everyone would have to go to jail. Yet, we cannot deny that the harm was done. It's a difficult question. The difference... does it matter, or does it not?

At present, to me, it doesn't matter, because like I said, a lie is a lie no matter if it was intentional or not, and the harm is done, again no matter whether it was intentional or not. But it's still something that makes me think a lot, it also helps me understand how some relationships between people work: they work because they don't see each other as hurting each other, since even if they do, they see it as unintentional, so they forgive it and let it pass.

"it isn't like you're constantly acknowledging or getting happier over said deaths so why would everybody acknowledge your death"

Why are you assuming that? Do you really think I don't get happier over other people's deaths?

Also, while I used to believe like you (that people are indifferent to other people's deaths), this is simply not true. No one can be indifferent to other people's deaths. Even if you're defining indifferent as not being aware of, consequences of one's death spread for everyone. And, in the case of my death, there's so much that they wouldn't have to care about anymore. Me, too, I wouldn't have to care about that anymore. Also, you're assuming that there's nothing after death. That's wishful thinking. So, me saying that I'd be happy means I wouldn't have to care about life anymore, this life at least. Semantics, if you will. I mean, I think I get your point as someone who used to have similar beliefs... but I still wouldn't use the same words, not today at least.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

This is extremely interesting because I've been doing myself this exact question for about the last week or so: if a lie is unintentional, does it count as a lie? Reality is reality no matter how you look at it. So if I'm hurt, how I look at it can change how I feel about it (reality changes, since I'm part of reality), however the fact remains that I was hurt at first, no matter what the intention of the person was. However, if we're going to classify an statement based on what it describes and not on intention, then in a way, everyone is lying. And, if we applied the same logic not only to lying, but to hurting in general, then everyone would have to go to jail. Yet, we cannot deny that the harm was done. It's a difficult question. The difference... does it matter, or does it not?

At present, to me, it doesn't matter, because like I said, a lie is a lie no matter if it was intentional or not, and the harm is done, again no matter whether it was intentional or not. But it's still something that makes me think a lot, it also helps me understand how some relationships between people work: they work because they don't see each other as hurting each other, since even if they do, they see it as unintentional, so they forgive it and let it pass.

"it isn't like you're constantly acknowledging or getting happier over said deaths so why would everybody acknowledge your death"

Why are you assuming that? Do you really think I don't get happier over other people's deaths?

Also, while I used to believe like you (that people are indifferent to other people's deaths), this is simply not true. No one can be indifferent to other people's deaths. Even if you're defining indifferent as not being aware of, consequences of one's death spread for everyone. And, in the case of my death, there's so much that they wouldn't have to care about anymore. Me, too, I wouldn't have to care about that anymore. Also, you're assuming that there's nothing after death. That's wishful thinking. So, me saying that I'd be happy means I wouldn't have to care about life anymore, this life at least. Semantics, if you will. I mean, I think I get your point as someone who used to have similar beliefs... but I still wouldn't use the same words, not today at least.

Imo Some people might believe those lies but others are deliberately perpetrating those lies knowing those are lies

Why is no one allowed to to say life , living , or wanting to live is not good?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This is extremely interesting because I've been doing myself this exact question for about the last week or so: if a lie is unintentional, does it count as a lie? Reality is reality no matter how you look at it. So if I'm hurt, how I look at it can change how I feel about it (reality changes, since I'm part of reality), however the fact remains that I was hurt at first, no matter what the intention of the person was. However, if we're going to classify an statement based on what it describes and not on intention, then in a way, everyone is lying. And, if we applied the same logic not only to lying, but to hurting in general, then everyone would have to go to jail. Yet, we cannot deny that the harm was done. It's a difficult question. The difference... does it matter, or does it not?

A lie can't be unintentional because that goes against the definition. I'm merely thinking about the definition of it. However, yes, I do agree that somebody hurting me will hurt just as much regardless of their intention as the pain receptors will activate just the same. I never said that intention had to be applied to hurting as well. Regardless of whether somebody throws a boulder that crushes my leg or whether gravity causes a boulder to fall onto my leg, the only thing I'd care about in both cases is my leg getting crushed. Somebody doesn't necessarily need to lie to cause harm. They could cause harm by thinking what they say is the truth but then proceed to say something that'd harm somebody else.

"it isn't like you're constantly acknowledging or getting happier over said deaths so why would everybody acknowledge your death"

Why are you assuming that? Do you really think I don't get happier over other people's deaths?

I feel like it's a reasonable assumption to make since there's 8 billion humans on earth and around 2 to 3 humans die per second (though perhaps it's probably more than that). There are simply too many humans for you to care, and thus be happy, about. This is only humans, the numbers increase exponentially when considering non human animals. It's just impossible to care about so many sentient beings especially when you know nothing about these beings.

Also, while I used to believe like you (that people are indifferent to other people's deaths), this is simply not true. No one can be indifferent to other people's deaths. Even if you're defining indifferent as not being aware of, consequences of one's death spread for everyone. And, in the case of my death, there's so much that they wouldn't have to care about anymore. Me, too, I wouldn't have to care about that anymore. Also, you're assuming that there's nothing after death. That's wishful thinking. So, me saying that I'd be happy means I wouldn't have to care about life anymore, this life at least. Semantics, if you will. I mean, I think I get your point as someone who used to have similar beliefs... but I still wouldn't use the same words, not today at least.

Many people are indifferent to the deaths that happen in the world. At best, people only care about the deaths that their loved ones go through but that's it. There are plenty of deaths happening right now that you never know or hear about, I refuse to believe that you or most people who don't acknowledge them care about them. Also, no, me thinking that death is permanent non existence isn't wishful thinking. Whilst it is what I want, I will still focus on the evidence and the evidence so far points to death being permanent non existence. If the evidence proves otherwise, I'd change my view. Since you have different beliefs about what death is, I know it's impossible for us to be in agreement

 

[beseechgod]

I agree . imo those are lies. The biggest lie of all most of them are based on is"life is good".

Notice no one is allowed to say life , living , or wanting to live is not good.

But no one has answered me the question : why do I have to live another minute ?or why do I have to want to live another minute?

There is no objective reason as an answer to those questions . Life is meaningless

Working 15 hours a day a job chores for no objective reason only to exist under threat of extreme torture . How is that good valuable or important?

I have a specific memory from 1st or 2nd grade where some kid at recess happily sighed and said "life is good" and I just couldn't understand how other kids felt that way.