Story Story/Looking for advice

[bleachedowl32]

During my preteens my sibling was murdered, I didn't deal with this event well and began suppressing the trauma. Following this, my parents argued nightly as my mom referenced suicide many times. They eventually divorced a few years later upon me reaching my teenage years. Upon this time I began self-medicating through the use of prescription drugs I got through high school. I abused Adderall and used it to my advantage, graduating high school at 16. At 16 I also lived alone for a majority of the year as my dad then left for a job opportunity and didn't come back for over 6 months. At 18 I'm now expecting my Bachelor's degree in mid-2020 by taking an immense amount of credits per semester. Recently, I've been facing a stalking incident that has given me immense panic attacks for me to eventually be diagnosed with panic disorder. He is fighting it in court and I don't know what to do, I cry on the bathroom floor for hours every night. Everything seems like it is caving in, and it seems selfish of me to run away and be with my sibling. Especially since my parent had to cosign my loan as I began college underage. This is the bulk of my school debt and if I die it still must be paid with him cosigning it. Alternatively, I could look into switching it over in my name now I am 18, but I must make payments for a minimum of 24 months. I recently tried therapy but I'm terrible at expressing myself as my trust was violated in prior instances and led me to being sent to therapy camps for various trips they thought would help me after various self-harm incidents like cutting and not eating. What would you do if you were in my situation? I'm on the fence. I've set everything up for a good life for myself, but yet I still don't see the point.. Yet I love my parent to the point where I don't want him to lose the only child there is left.

 

[WhiteDespair]

That's great that you're smart enough to graduate early. That's cool.

Therapy is something you can check out. It's good way to practice being honest with people in a safe and controlled environment. Remember, they have confidetiality agreements.

If you're having trouble speaking to people, what about writing? That can help getting stuff out and you can show it to the therapist if you can't speak it.

Being honest and going deep into what happened hurts like hell and it is the best way to deal with the past trauma.

You can try giving life a good try. The key is try. If you don't try to make things better or expand your horizons there isn't too much of a point.

You can try meds. They can help. At least to take the edge off.

There are some good people on the board who would be willing to lend an ear.

 

[pole]

sorry to hear about you're struggles and pain.

as the user above stated, therapy is an option. it takes time in getting comfortable and opening up to someone. but again, therapy isnt for everyone including myself and its a hit or mess until you find the right therapist that you connect with as well. As @WhiteDespair pointed out, you can look to other things as some sort of outlet in releasing you're energy and tension that's built up inside you; whether its art (drawing and writing), the gym in bettering yourself, etc.

sorry about you're trouble with anxiety and you're anxiousness that has led to you're panic attacks. trust me i understand. i was recently diagnosed with ADD just this month and have struggled all my life with school and was just prescribed vyvanse. what im getting at is, stimulants like adderall and vyvanse can sometimes here and there backfire, where they make you even more anxious, increase ur anxiety and lead to panic attacks. Unfortunately, my stress and anxiety was at an all time high for my exams recently and i had a panic attack during my exam where i just froze and forgot everything. It was terrible and i know it was because of the mixture of my failure to control my stress and anxiety combined with vyvanse. I hope you find a way in managing you're stress and anxiety by focusing on those different outlets as stated above, so it doesnt affect you're life and what you do as well as be influenced by meds to make it worse.

school debt is a pain in the ass. if you're struggling with school debt, i'd suggest signing up for a student line of credit with a bank. im gonna do that as well. its easier, and its for WHEN YOU NEED money at the absolute most that you can lean on in taking out, and paying bits of it back to the school through this. So sort of a backup plan so you dont completely stress urself out and have no other choice, and it allows u to know atleast theres a backup plan and a way in helping out.

really sorry about you've gone through and my condolensces for you're sibling. hope you focus on managing you're stress and anxiety levels by channeling this energy into outlets, as well as taking preventative measures in minimizing the triggers that have you feeling the ways that you do. good luck and hope you find peace.

 

[Sweet emotion]

During my preteens my sibling was murdered, I didn't deal with this event well and began suppressing the trauma. Following this, my parents argued nightly as my mom referenced suicide many times. They eventually divorced a few years later upon me reaching my teenage years. Upon this time I began self-medicating through the use of prescription drugs I got through high school. I abused Adderall and used it to my advantage, graduating high school at 16. At 16 I also lived alone for a majority of the year as my dad then left for a job opportunity and didn't come back for over 6 months. At 18 I'm now expecting my Bachelor's degree in mid-2020 by taking an immense amount of credits per semester. Recently, I've been facing a stalking incident that has given me immense panic attacks for me to eventually be diagnosed with panic disorder. He is fighting it in court and I don't know what to do, I cry on the bathroom floor for hours every night. Everything seems like it is caving in, and it seems selfish of me to run away and be with my sibling. Especially since my parent had to cosign my loan as I began college underage. This is the bulk of my school debt and if I die it still must be paid with him cosigning it. Alternatively, I could look into switching it over in my name now I am 18, but I must make payments for a minimum of 24 months. I recently tried therapy but I'm terrible at expressing myself as my trust was violated in prior instances and led me to being sent to therapy camps for various trips they thought would help me after various self-harm incidents like cutting and not eating. What would you do if you were in my situation? I'm on the fence. I've set everything up for a good life for myself, but yet I still don't see the point.. Yet I love my parent to the point where I don't want him to lose the only child there is left.

I'm sorry to hear you're in so much emotional pain but we can't tell you what to do. Because we aren't in your situation so there's no way we can understand your feelings. Just like no one would be able to understand mine with my physical pain. We can be here to support you in your decisions but I don't think we could tell you what to do. I do wish you peace though.

 

[mattwitt]

My advice is try and hold on till your 30 You may have a totally different outlook on life by then especially if you have a good job, your own house, a spouse, kids, pets, etc. And for the record my older sister was murdered when I was just 15 I saw what it did and still does to my parents and It also messed my life up pretty good especially my high school years.

 

[1ma51llyb01]

Thats so awful for your family, have you ever tried speaking to someone not face to face to see if you can express yourself that way?