struggling to be excited about things

[cherries.in.nyc]

I've been extremely depressed for the last few months and it seems like any time 1 good thing happens, it either backfires or something bad happens that cancels out the joy i felt. nowadays, it's very hard to get excited about things because i know i will just be let down and feel worse. i work in this big office building and today this guy at the front desk who works security asked me to join he and his friends for a night out tomorrow. i thought it was so nice because i have thought he was cute since i started this job 10 months ago. i'm really flattered and i should be excited...........but, i'm not. i had a glimmer of excitement and a smile i could not wipe off my face for about 20 mins and then i was consumed with an all black cloud thinking about how it will just get me hurt in the end. and how in any case, very soon (possibly even next week) i will ctb. he texted me the details about the outing tomorrow night and i plan to politely decline. getting excited or hopeful is always a ripoff. i won't do it anymore.