Story Struggling with life after my girlfriends suicide

[Nameless ghoul]

Hey guys this is my first time posting here and I wanted to tell yous my story first before I get into the ins and outs of taking my own life

I'm 25 I came out of an abusive toxic relationship 3 years ago that left me wanting to take my own life but then I met this girl she was amazing, beautiful and literally liked everything I liked over the past 2 years we have been together just loving spending time with eachother she had epilepsy and it brought her down but she always looked on the bright side over this time she fixed everything my ex broke inside me and I saw my whole future in this one person.

Fast forward to Halloween night we went out drinking everything was fine but walking home that night she was overthinking about her mate and his relationship she got more and more worked up to the point of cutting herself when we got home and as I was cleaning up the blood she went up stairs crawled inside her wardrobe and hung herself, the wardrobe door was closed and it took me an hour to find her which by this point she was dead I cut her down and started doing CPR till the ambulance arrived, we have no clue why she did it and we all think that someone put something in her drink because this was so out of character.

It's now almost 2 months later and I can't do it anymore my choice is to live for other so not to hurt them more or kill myself for myself, so that's it that's what's brought me here.

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is such a sad and tragic story. I'm so sorry you went through this. I can't even imagine.

 

[sevenkarmas]

I'm so sorry. When we find someone like you describe, our soul mends with their soul and we become almost as one person. Our thoughts are about them and they become a very real part of our individual personhood. When they leave or are taken from us, we experience the ripping away of that person that we were mended with. It hurts on a physical level.

 

[Raven2]

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

 

[FuneralCry]

Rest in peace, at least all those who are gone from this world cannot suffer anymore. It really is such a cruel and painful existence, no wonder so many decide to ctb and I envy their courage.

 

[NeverEndingPain]

Hey guys this is my first time posting here and I wanted to tell yous my story first before I get into the ins and outs of taking my own life

I'm 25 I came out of an abusive toxic relationship 3 years ago that left me wanting to take my own life but then I met this girl she was amazing, beautiful and literally liked everything I liked over the past 2 years we have been together just loving spending time with eachother she had epilepsy and it brought her down but she always looked on the bright side over this time she fixed everything my ex broke inside me and I saw my whole future in this one person.

Fast forward to Halloween night we went out drinking everything was fine but walking home that night she was overthinking about her mate and his relationship she got more and more worked up to the point of cutting herself when we got home and as I was cleaning up the blood she went up stairs crawled inside her wardrobe and hung herself, the wardrobe door was closed and it took me an hour to find her which by this point she was dead I cut her down and started doing CPR till the ambulance arrived, we have no clue why she did it and we all think that someone put something in her drink because this was so out of character.

It's now almost 2 months later and I can't do it anymore my choice is to live for other so not to hurt them more or kill myself for myself, so that's it that's what's brought me here.

Hey guys this is my first time posting here and I wanted to tell yous my story first before I get into the ins and outs of taking my own life

I'm 25 I came out of an abusive toxic relationship 3 years ago that left me wanting to take my own life but then I met this girl she was amazing, beautiful and literally liked everything I liked over the past 2 years we have been together just loving spending time with eachother she had epilepsy and it brought her down but she always looked on the bright side over this time she fixed everything my ex broke inside me and I saw my whole future in this one person.

Fast forward to Halloween night we went out drinking everything was fine but walking home that night she was overthinking about her mate and his relationship she got more and more worked up to the point of cutting herself when we got home and as I was cleaning up the blood she went up stairs crawled inside her wardrobe and hung herself, the wardrobe door was closed and it took me an hour to find her which by this point she was dead I cut her down and started doing CPR till the ambulance arrived, we have no clue why she did it and we all think that someone put something in her drink because this was so out of character.

It's now almost 2 months later and I can't do it anymore my choice is to live for other so not to hurt them more or kill myself for myself, so that's it that's what's brought me here.

I am very sorry
I hope it's not insensitive of me to ask some questions? You mentioned maybe someone putting something in her drink?
Was it her own closet she used? What did she use to hang with?
I ask this because a lot of us members research and learn the knot to use and some of us it takes a long time to learn how to do this method. I'm trying to figure out if she already had a rope or knew about how to do the method before?
If this is too inappropriate to ask, I apologize. I'm just trying to make sense of how quickly it was done.

 

[Nameless ghoul]

It's okay since this whole thing has happened it's been the only thing on my mind, so we think somthings got put in her drink because its the only thing that makes sense why she was okay one minute and then become completely manic she was always an overthinker but there was no talking to her or calming her down, we are still waiting for the toxicology to come back.

Yes it was her own closet when I was running about the house trying to find her I looked into her room which is very small bed was made, place was clean and closet doors were slid closed, as for the not I honestly have no clue I went straight into cutting her down and cpr she used the tie thing from her bathrobe , as for timescale I spent a few minutes cleaning the blood down stairs before running up and checking on her and she was gone she was in the closet dead for an hour before I found her.
she had no history of depression or suicide my dad actually hung himself 7 months ago so we talked about suicide more than most and I never thought it was something that was going to happen to her.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The fact is that people can make the decision to kill themselves in a matter of moments without much deliberation. I suspect that was the case regarding your girlfriend.

 

[deathissosad]

This exact thing happened to me too. I lost my girlfriend (not the same method) in August and every day just gets worse. I find peace in the fact that I will reunite with her when i CTB. Im so sorry for your loss feel free to reach out if you like. Losing loved ones suck but I feel that losing the love of your life is a whole different ball game. Especially to suicide :( i cant wait to find her again

 

[Wannagonow]

So sorry for the loss of both your girlfriend and your father. I've never had an experience that even comes close to this. I can't even imagine your sadness. You show great strength for trying to think this thru and even more for reaching out to strangers for support. I hope you'll give yourself a little more time to heal. Most of all, wherever your thoughts may take you, I hope you find peace.

 

[BreathOnAMirror]

That is so fucking awful, I can't imagine the pain of knowing that you were in the house while it happened, I hope you can find the closure you seek <3