Venting Struggling with severe paranoia

[Irisse]

There was this thread that I wanted to reply to and I instead got a message that my post is waiting for the mods' approval. I didn't use swear words, and I wasn't rude or harsh. Now I'm paranoid that I did something wrong.

And that's not the only instance of paranoia that I struggle with. In january the green light on my phone which signalizes the use of camera or microphone turned on by itself randomly and I heard clicking noises. I brought the phone to a phone repair shop and instead of explaining what was wrong in detail I was only told that it was a software problem.

It didn't happen again, but I'm constantly paranoid that someone is watching me on my phone camera.

I have no idea how that happened. I'm overweight, unattractive, didn't click any suspicious links, not a public figure etc.

I don't even know if I want any advice on this, I might become more paranoid if for instance someone explained that it can be done through Bluetooth or something. But paranoia might be what finally does me in. I don't want to live in a world that won't grant me privacy and anonymity. For the record, I got diagnosed with depression followed by psychotic elements but not schizophrenia.

I don't do anything illegal nor do I watch porn, but it's still uncomfortable to think that someone out there knows all about my preferences and looks out to capitalize off of it.

All I trust now is Death and SN. Even if every other problem got solved, the paranoia will forever stay.

 

[nool]

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I suffer from constant paranoid delusions, so I understand the fear completely. Paranoia is such a shitty thing to deal with. I hope things get better for you Wishing you the best

 

[Irisse]

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I suffer from constant paranoid delusions, so I understand the fear completely. Paranoia is such a shitty thing to deal with. I hope things get better for you Wishing you the best

Hey, thanks for replying, it means a lot. I'm sorry that you are dealing with a similar thing. Paranoia truly is horrific and messes one's reality and relationships up so bad. I guess what's left is that we surround ourselves with trustworthy people who can reassure us about what is true and what isn't, at least that helps me (though only sometimes). I hope that you have or find good coping mechanisms. Soon I'm going to the doctor (after an important exam) so maybe he'll give me stronger meds. I wish you the best as well!

 

[58Alice85]

This isnt really paranoid or delusional, all these tech keeps personal data and intrudes upon your privacy. Just keep in mind it does this with everyone, you aren't personally being targeted or something.

 

[fedup1982]

I just came out of a BAD psychosis. My advice: tell your psychiatrist how you're feeling and what you're thinking, and give them time to help you.

 

[Irisse]

This isnt really paranoid or delusional, all these tech keeps personal data and intrudes upon your privacy. Just keep in mind it does this with everyone, you aren't personally being targeted or something.

Thanks for the reply. Yeah I know I'm not the only one who experiences this but it puts me at unease because I feel like I've made a lot of enemies throughout my life and I'm always scared that they are planning to destroy my life and reputation behind my back. Which is quite delusional as most of them probably forgot that I even exist. But I do wish for the world before 2012, I know it wasn't perfect for everyone back then but at least there was not constant surveillance.

I just came out of a BAD psychosis. My advice: tell your psychiatrist how you're feeling and what you're thinking, and give them time to help you.

Thanks for the reply. I've already discussed this with my psychiatrist and we always try to discuss the worst case scenario. It works for a couple of weeks (though it depends on the delusion), but then something seemingly insignificant happens that triggers me and it's this suffocating claustrophobic feeling of being watched. I am already on clozapine, sertraline and aripriprazole and they did wonders for most of my mental issues but I feel like I will always be paranoid while certain people are alive.

 

[DoublingDown]

Hey! I was diagnosed with depression with psychotic features as well! Twins :)

Would getting a different phone be an option? Like one without a camera, and using a VPN for online things? My paranoia is always people directly around me, so sadly I don't have experience with a larger "cloud" of worry that can't be directly manipulated. Hopefully a mod can come on and explain why the message popped up, maybe it was an older thread? Or maybe if you'd been replying to lots of threads quickly, maybe it was an automatic thing to prevent spam?

 

[Irisse]

Hey! I was diagnosed with depression with psychotic features as well! Twins :)

Would getting a different phone be an option? Like one without a camera, and using a VPN for online things? My paranoia is always people directly around me, so sadly I don't have experience with a larger "cloud" of worry that can't be directly manipulated. Hopefully a mod can come on and explain why the message popped up, maybe it was an older thread? Or maybe if you'd been replying to lots of threads quickly, maybe it was an automatic thing to prevent spam?

Thanks for replying. Sadly the phone without a camera is not an option yet because I need optimal modernized settings for some things required for University. I might get it after I finish, if I'm still alive by then. I don't understand much about VPN because I generally understand nothing about computer science, but from what I do understand it needs monthly payment and I don't have an income of my own yet. My paranoia is mostly connected to my abusers from the past.Tbh the mod message isn't really bothering me anymore because I trust this community. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this as well, it truly is hell on earth.

 

[unluckysadness]

This isnt really paranoid or delusional, all these tech keeps personal data and intrudes upon your privacy. Just keep in mind it does this with everyone, you aren't personally being targeted or something.

I agree. Big Brother is watching everywhere. We live in 2025 and privacy is becoming very rare. But I think I'm more and more paranoid too because of this shitty world. Medias are responsible too