Suicide due to heartbreak

[misunderst0od]

I know many of you will read this and think, oh you want to commit suicide due to heartbreak? Thats probably such a stupid reason. But for me, it means everything.

I have been on this forum for 3 months now, and I have done nothing but think about it. I already have attempted and failed. But I think im ready. For someone to be so integral in your life to just treat u so cruelly out of the blue, say the most disgustingly hurtful things, for friends who don't care or understand, and just say move on, for that person to treat you like your existence doesn't matter. It just adds more fire to the flame.

I have been to the therapist twice, which was a huge failure. I have tried random free counseling websites in which three out of four people after telling them my situation told me I was "fucking stupid" and signed off. I feel I have no where to go. No one to ease my pain.

He came over today and dropped off all of my stuff. Told me he "he misses me from time to time" then proceeded to say he had to go. He went on vacation that we were supposed to go on and he bought me a shirt. Like wtf are u serious?

He was my best friend for 9 years. My bf for 6 years and 5 months. He has been such an integral part of life that it feels worse than anything you can imagine. He was my person, my confidant, and then I am nothing. I have tried to get over him, drank, went out, partied but my light has flickered out. I dont see the point. I don't want to live. I don't care. What makes things worse is that I wanted to go into medicine to help people. But if I get prescribed medication then it goes on my record and ruins my chances into gettin into it. Such bullshit in this American system.

I feel isolated with these thoughts. I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I feel dead already. I don't want to continue. And I appreciate this forum for being pro-choice. And I wish that I am successful next time.

 

[misunderst0od]

I knew I'd get this kind of response. It's not an impulse. And no its not to hurt him. He will enjoy life because thats him. Its just me. I guess I am broken and I can't continue.

 

[Tiburcio]

I understand you. No reason is stupid and that mentality should disappear. The pain of losing something loved can be so great than I completely understand why you are feeling like it. I'm sorry of your loss.

Why are you broken? You have nothing else to live for? You literally mentioned working in the medical field so you have passion for something

If you never lost somebody really important I doubt you can understand it.

 

[Living_Ghost]

Dude ,you are asking someone on a suicide forum why they are broken after she clearly explained her reasons . Maybe take it down a notch and don't be so quick to have all the answers

 

[skitliv]

I understand you. No reason is stupid and that mentality should disappear. The pain of losing something loved can be so great than I completely understand why you are feeling like it. I'm sorry of your loss.

Thanks for this, im getting sick of gatekeepers deciding for others whats a good or not good reason

 

[misunderst0od]

I understand you. No reason is stupid and that mentality should disappear. The pain of losing something loved can be so great than I completely understand why you are feeling like it. I'm sorry of your loss.



If you never lost somebody really important I doubt you can understand it.

Thank you.

 

[Tiburcio]

Thanks for this, im getting sick of gatekeepers deciding for others whats a good or not good reason

Anytime. I really felt the need of doing it, this must be stopped.

 

[misunderst0od]

I understand you. No reason is stupid and that mentality should disappear. The pain of losing something loved can be so great than I completely understand why you are feeling like it. I'm sorry of your loss.



If you never lost somebody really important I doubt you can understand it.

thank you.

 

[misunderst0od]

Honestly, Jason I dont think you will ever understand. And thats ok. I'm not mad.
But this feeling, this obsession, I believe I have been depressed since I was young. But I have dealt with it. Having someone ripped out of your life while they are still breathing and alive, its so painful.
Yes im sure everyone has had some kind of dream or passion sometime in their lives but when you want to die, you want to die. No matter whether or not you have a dream.

This person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he's gone. He is another person. I know, he will get another gf, get married, have kids but for me, it's a me thing. The pain im feeling is all inside. And it won't leave. It just continues to build and build.

I also wished that someone loved me the way I love him. But I will never get that. Not even my family.

 

[Living_Ghost]

I dont know. I believe everyone has a right to die, but at the same time i can never understand why someone would kill themselves over temporary grief.

I have severe tinnitus, depression and anxiety. These are permanent things that will never go away thats why ive made my choice. No one on this forum wants to die. They just dont want to live.

Things like bad grades and break ups these are fixable. I could never encourage that even on a pro choice forum.

You don't have to encourage it or understand it ,everyone has their own reasons . Some people cannot just get over heartbreak ,by going and getting someone else Like you are picking a new teddybear off the shelf in the toystore.

 

[Living_Ghost]

So the only solution is kill yourself? Brah i dont think this forum is for me.

I thought this was a pro choice forum not a fucking suicide circle jerk.

Close the door on your way out

 

[Comatose11]

So the only solution is kill yourself? Brah i dont think this forum is for me.

I thought this was a pro choice forum not a fucking suicide circle jerk.

This is pro choice. If someone wants to die, we support them instead of trying to talk them out of it. When someone's not sure, we encourage them to not do it yet. When someone says, "I'll give life a try," we support them and let them know that they can always come back for support through their problems. Not as in suicide, but just supporting the way they feel and whatnot.

 

[Living_Ghost]

Sad reply.

Look buddy what people don't want here is gatekeeper's or white knights .There's enough of that shit in a million other places online .
And who are you anyway to judge her pain as been less worthy than yours ? You think you can ridicule her reasons ,while yours are perfectly fine ?
Nobody here is trying to encourage anybody . We are all adults and here for the same reason. Everybody makes their own choice in the end

 

[skitliv]

So the only solution is kill yourself? Brah i dont think this forum is for me.

I thought this was a pro choice forum not a fucking suicide circle jerk.

Funny that you call it pro-choice while not respecting others choices

 

[+ + + +]

Loosing someone you love is the greatest pain I've experienced, especially when you know you don't want anyone else. Everything is pointless alone, other person motivated you to be a better person, do stuff together, alone I don't see the point anymore. It is really hard and real when the person is in your heart, but he is as good as dead now because you don't talk anymore, see eachother. It's been one year after breakup, when first the feeling of missing him was killing my heart, then now I've become numb, which is another level of pain and I still feel I don't want anyone else ever. Life is 1000 times emptier now, I lost the support and care and I don't care about myself alone, I was already weak before I met him, but now I got no chance to survive. Understand you girl, how I express it, doesn't matter, the pain is real :c

 

[misunderst0od]

Loosing someone you love is the greatest pain I've experienced, especially when you know you don't want anyone else. Everything is pointless alone, other person motivated you to be a better person, do stuff together, alone I don't see the point anymore. It is really hard and real when the person is in your heart, but he is as good as dead now because you don't talk anymore, see eachother. It's been one year after breakup, when first the feeling of missing him was killing my heart, then now I've become numb, which is another level of pain and I still feel I don't want anyone else ever. Life is 1000 times emptier now, I lost the support and care and I don't care about myself alone, I was already weak before I met him, but now I got no chance to survive. Understand you girl, how I express it, doesn't matter, the pain is real :c

It's an indescribable pain. It eats you up everyday from the inside. I am crying while I'm writing this. I can't stand it.

 

[Destin]

I totally understand this and almost made this post. It's not stupid at all. Your reasons are yours and they are valid.

I'm 25 years old. Severely abused as a child by both parents, foster care, mental institutions, homelessness, battered women's shelters, etc etc etc. Life has been almost constant pain but I tried my hardest to be kind to people and remain optimistic.

I knew from a very young age I had 'a person' out there I was missing. I thought I had a twin my mother was hiding or maybe they died at birth.
When I was 13 Id cry about them. My mom would ask whats wrong and I said "do you ever just miss your person?" she had no idea what I was talking about and shut the door. ..... I thought of them on and off. By 18-20 that kicked into hyper speed. I felt like Id meet them soon.
Age 22 I overdosed on 11/11 and went into a 3 day coma.
By age 23 I found him. Recognized him instantly. We fell in love. He had overdosed once too, I asked him when and he showed me his medical wristband. Same day, some month, same year. I showed him my disability papers.

Before meeting him I got a tattoo on my chest paying homage to these feelings. Its called platos symposium. Its about how humans were split in two, forever trying to become one with their missing half. .... I also now have our overdose date on my wrist.

Im transgender so I got to pick my name, and I asked him to do it for me. He gave me his middle name, which happens to mean fate.

Its a thing called twinflames. Theres an entire community of people who have similar inexplicable bonds with someone else.
11/11 happens to be the universal number of twins, its a symbol to have faith.

Ive felt alone my entire life with this but when I finally found him I experience unconditional love for the first time ever.
Ive dated and slept with many people, and I could love none of them knowing he was out there.
Thats not going to change.

We have many reasons for not being able to be together. Im going to give it a couple more years but I cant go on like this forever. Its not just him. Its my whole life being pain. But I cant deny the fact that he was the only thing I was sticking around for.
I almost want to stay alive just so I dont cause him pain or make him feel responsible in any sort of way. But he loves me, Im suffering, and he knows that.

Life is strange. Crazier shit has happened.

 

[misunderst0od]

Loosing someone you love is the greatest pain I've experienced, especially when you know you don't want anyone else. Everything is pointless alone, other person motivated you to be a better person, do stuff together, alone I don't see the point anymore. It is really hard and real when the person is in your heart, but he is as good as dead now because you don't talk anymore, see eachother. It's been one year after breakup, when first the feeling of missing him was killing my heart, then now I've become numb, which is another level of pain and I still feel I don't want anyone else ever. Life is 1000 times emptier now, I lost the support and care and I don't care about myself alone, I was already weak before I met him, but now I got no chance to survive. Understand you girl, how I express it, doesn't matter, the pain is real :c

Can we talk?

 

[Ssname]

I don't think you are stupid at all. Literally exactly why I'm here too. I'm sorry this happened to you too.

 

[WorthlessGirl]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is not a stupid reason, you have every right to feel the way you do.

 

[Morning Angel]

Your feelings are completely valid. It is crushing to invest so much time, trust, vulnerability in someone only to see it break down later... and 9 years is longer than some marriages! I imagine your ex was a huge support system for you before and it's only natural to feel so hopeless now. A part of your floor has dropped out beneath you.

I have said this before, but it takes some time to accept the reality that as humans we are simply building and breaking connections constantly. Giving, taking, measuring if it's enough or not, leaving when it isn't. Whether or not you think you can take another risk like that again is up to you. I know it's not much but I'm sending you love. Whatever you decide to do, we are here for you.

 

[LadySin]

I

I know many of you will read this and think, oh you want to commit suicide due to heartbreak? Thats probably such a stupid reason. But for me, it means everything.

I have been on this forum for 3 months now, and I have done nothing but think about it. I already have attempted and failed. But I think im ready. For someone to be so integral in your life to just treat u so cruelly out of the blue, say the most disgustingly hurtful things, for friends who don't care or understand, and just say move on, for that person to treat you like your existence doesn't matter. It just adds more fire to the flame.

I have been to the therapist twice, which was a huge failure. I have tried random free counseling websites in which three out of four people after telling them my situation told me I was "fucking stupid" and signed off. I feel I have no where to go. No one to ease my pain.

He came over today and dropped off all of my stuff. Told me he "he misses me from time to time" then proceeded to say he had to go. He went on vacation that we were supposed to go on and he bought me a shirt. Like wtf are u serious?

He was my best friend for 9 years. My bf for 6 years and 5 months. He has been such an integral part of life that it feels worse than anything you can imagine. He was my person, my confidant, and then I am nothing. I have tried to get over him, drank, went out, partied but my light has flickered out. I dont see the point. I don't want to live. I don't care. What makes things worse is that I wanted to go into medicine to help people. But if I get prescribed medication then it goes on my record and ruins my chances into gettin into it. Such bullshit in this American system.

I feel isolated with these thoughts. I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I feel dead already. I don't want to continue. And I appreciate this forum for being pro-choice. And I wish that I am successful next time.

I understand you so much. I hope you find what you need.

 

[QueenEtna]

Yeah me and my girlfriend break up a lot and every time we do we both want to kill ourselves.. I messaged her this morning and no reply I'm hoping she didn't do it..

 

[Done]

But this feeling, this obsession, I believe I have been depressed since I was young. But I have dealt with it. Having someone ripped out of your life while they are still breathing and alive, its so painful.

This person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he's gone. He is another person. I know, he will get another gf, get married, have kids but for me, it's a me thing. The pain im feeling is all inside. And it won't leave. It just continues to build and build.

I also wished that someone loved me the way I love him. But I will never get that. Not even my family.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm going through it too. I'm also going through health issues which is my main reason I'm here and will be gone soon, but I've thought if I didn't have the health issues, I would still be getting ready to leave because the pain of losing the one you've loved like no other is so great. In my case, I've never loved or put my trust in anyone more than him. I love him more than my own family. And now, what's left in tatters is so devastating. I completely understand you, girl. :( Sending you <3.

 

[Nzbeelover]

Same thing for me. Anyone feel free to message me to talk..

 

[CRM]

I feel like everyone who reaches this point has had their heart broken in one way or another, either by another person or by our shattered expectations of life. It's not a stupid reason at all.

 

[Another]

Just wanted to say that I totally understand and going through the same thing. This isn't the first time, no, but it's beginning to feel like a broken record stuck on repeat. Anyway, I feel you.

 

[GoingSoonish]

Same thing for me. Anyone feel free to message me to talk..

Not sure how to send you a private message (newbie to the site). Would be cool if you could send one to me?

 

[Brokenanddeadinside]

I've came close to shooting myself from serious heartbreak after going through a lot of shit with them. All the heartbreak I've gone through has killed me inside to the point I can barely have feelings for anyone anymore it seems. I also have developed a craving for fucked up relationships that I know won't work out and will cause me pain as it's the only time I feel true feelings which is when I'm hurting. I think from my past I now think that to love I have to feel strong emotional pain otherwise feelings aren't there really.

 

[Sharethepain]

I know many of you will read this and think, oh you want to commit suicide due to heartbreak? Thats probably such a stupid reason. But for me, it means everything.

I have been on this forum for 3 months now, and I have done nothing but think about it. I already have attempted and failed. But I think im ready. For someone to be so integral in your life to just treat u so cruelly out of the blue, say the most disgustingly hurtful things, for friends who don't care or understand, and just say move on, for that person to treat you like your existence doesn't matter. It just adds more fire to the flame.

I have been to the therapist twice, which was a huge failure. I have tried random free counseling websites in which three out of four people after telling them my situation told me I was "fucking stupid" and signed off. I feel I have no where to go. No one to ease my pain.

He came over today and dropped off all of my stuff. Told me he "he misses me from time to time" then proceeded to say he had to go. He went on vacation that we were supposed to go on and he bought me a shirt. Like wtf are u serious?

He was my best friend for 9 years. My bf for 6 years and 5 months. He has been such an integral part of life that it feels worse than anything you can imagine. He was my person, my confidant, and then I am nothing. I have tried to get over him, drank, went out, partied but my light has flickered out. I dont see the point. I don't want to live. I don't care. What makes things worse is that I wanted to go into medicine to help people. But if I get prescribed medication then it goes on my record and ruins my chances into gettin into it. Such bullshit in this American system.

I feel isolated with these thoughts. I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I feel dead already. I don't want to continue. And I appreciate this forum for being pro-choice. And I wish that I am successful next time.

I´m so sorry for you. I am in the exact same spot as you are. I want to end my life because of my ex-gf who was everything to me. Every day without her is a nightmare. I miss her every waking second of every day and I cannot stop thinking about her, while shes out there with someone else already enjoying herself probably. Almost nobody can comprehend the emptiness we feel, nothing fills the void in the place where our hearts have been. I have tried everything as well and nothing has helped me, without her smile it is just too cold here. If you ever want to talk about it you can pm me. I´ll be glad to listen.