Discussion Suicide feels like my destiny

[nuclearsnake]

Right from the beginning I was fucked. I was always a broken human, something that couldn't connect to others and couldn't fit it. I never felt quite right and like something was so terribly, terribly off with me and my life. I knew for a long time that suicide was the way to go for me. It's almost as if it's my destiny and there's no other way my life could ever end.

It makes me angry because I could and should have done this sooner and yet I wasted years trying to get better and accept my fate to no avail.
Are some of us just born with broken, depressed brains that will just end up killing themselves one day because being in anguish is all they've ever known and will know?

I thought about suicide everyday for more than ten years. I tried to push on but it's like in the back of my mind I always knew that there was no point, that my life ultimately had to end in suicide and that there was no way around it. People say depression is a disease and it's like I've never been healthy. I cannot remember not being depressed and not wanting to off myself.

 

[skitliv]

Right from the beginning I was fucked. I was always a broken human, something that couldn't connect to others and couldn't fit it. I never felt quite right and like something was so terribly, terribly off with me and my life. I knew for a long time that suicide was the way to go for me. It's almost as if it's my destiny and there's no other way my life could ever end.

I relate so much to this, this kind of thinking has been on my mind as of late

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

I've always felt different, I wasn't happy and normal like the other kids. I was disconnected, an outsider, observer, absolutely riddled with anxiety.
The more I think about it the more I feel that I've always had to pretend, like I was an alien dressed up in human suit, playing a role. It was so exhausting, it never felt real, it never felt right. Eventually I stopped caring, quit school and became a total shut-in. 10 years of isolation and I don't know what I am anymore. I don't feel like anything, just fucking empty all the time.

I was never meant to exist in the first place. I should have killed myself a long time ago, IDK why am I still here, procrastinating.