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L'absent

L'absent

À ma manière 🪦
Aug 18, 2024
798
Some will know my story and some won't. I lost my partner this summer. He suffered from borderline disorder (perhaps it coexisted with narcissistic disorder) and according to the therapist this is the cause of the suicide. But I can't get into the mind of a person with this disorder. I would like to understand what makes a borderline person so determined and adamant when he decides to commit suicide. Many of us have a lot of second thoughts and always postpone the date or make excuses not to commit suicide, even if they have other mental problems other than BPD. From what I have understood in many years of living together: when a borderline person decides to commit suicide, they don't think much about the impact it will have on the people closest to them, they don't think about whether they have children and what they will do without them, they don't think about all the problems that will cause. It doesn't fix things one bit. He doesn't leave notes or passwords or anything that could be needed by those who remain loved ones. A borderline person decides and completes his project. I want to understand what happens in the mind? Is she blinded and can't see anything anymore? What value do the people he said he loved have, because he knows they will remain alone. Do you realize? Is it just a moment? A suicidal crisis lasting a few minutes? What I also noticed is that the suicide isn't even organized. In my partner's case it all happened in half an hour, before he was doing something else. Everything changed after an argument on the phone. All day he had been peaceful and quiet with everyone and making plans with friends and family. What suddenly happens in the mind? The previous attempted suicide also took place in the same way. Can someone explain to me?
 
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Seele

Seele

Sayonara
Apr 25, 2024
152
I'm borderline, but I can only speak for myself, as each person with this disorder has a different experience. However, I can share a few things that might help you understand better. People with borderline tend to act very driven by feelings. We are people with a lot of trauma, and therefore, a misunderstanding can be interpreted very negatively by us. I have blocked people or stopped talking to them because I felt offended or rejected, but often this was just in my head.

Furthermore, I have already attempted suicide on impulse, in a moment of sudden and very strong distress. For us bordelines, it is difficult to control our emotions. Sometimes I'm super happy and within minutes I feel paranoid that the whole world hates me. I already took sleeping pills because of this, but it didn't work. The emotional rollercoaster is intense.
 
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C

chocolocothechocobo

Member
Nov 2, 2024
11
I think this is really difficult to answer.
I have BPD and had quite a few attempts in the past so here is my experience:
Sometimes the attempt was acting on impulse because the feelings got way too intense and the negative mindset kicks in faster then any rational thought could and in those moments I dont think about the consequences or any long term effect this will have.
Other times it was a planned action, not actually meant to ctb but to get help because I couldnt express myself otherwise.
One time it was a planned action, meant to ctb. I looked back at my life, realized how toxic I am, saw that I achieved nothing and didnt actually have a goal in life (I still dont).
Sometimes I know what impact actually dying would have, sometimes I dont know. Most of the time I know that it will hurt my family but I simply dont care anymore. This sounds selfish but I refuse to suffer anymore just to keep others happy.
 
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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,268
I am borderline but i think lot of AT all people.
Culpability...and very long lettre of ctb
 
W

Wonhun

Student
Nov 5, 2024
106
No one likes borderline and borderline know that. Getting suicide is just a time thing for getting both side a happy ending.

This world does not offer a long lasting "unhealthy" relationship without personal boundaries. What is the reason to keep us living in such world who give great opposition to us in the first place? With labels such as emotional terrorist, toxic, psycho-ex, people you do not what to be involved. No matter what we do, we can't win a person back and occupy their 24 hours.

Either way, catching the bus is just a time thing. there is no ideal world for us to survive.
 
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