Venting Suicide pact with my mom

[delta2]

Something that's admittedly made it hard for me to ctb is knowing that my mom will commit suicide as well after I do. I know I'll be dead and won't care, but something about her saying "if you do, I do" makes me feel more chained to this earth than ever. It's not fair. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of everyone making my potential death all about them. "We'll be sad", "we'll have to pick up your debt", "I will ctb too", etc. I'm so fucking sick of it. Just let me fucking go

 

[montanatype]

same happens to me

 

[gothbird]

The way people say "if you go, I'll go too" isn't love. It's emotional blackmail. And I know it doesn't come from nowhere, but that doesn't mean it's fair to you. When someone says "your death will destroy me," what they're really saying is "you're responsible for keeping me alive," and that's a weight no one should have to carry, especially not when you're already struggling to stay afloat yourself.

I know what it's like. I don't think my father will hesitate to come after me out of grief more than rage. It turns something deeply personal into something you're expected to manage, like you owe the world a careful death or none at all.

You don't. You deserve your autonomy.