Story Supplies secured- Practice + Panic

[BleedingHeart]

All my supplies have been secured for SN method.

So I didn't test meto out yet because I'm still too nervous, but I haven't eaten today (so that's like fast for when time comes), weighed out the appropriate amount in table salt and drank it. I nearly puked; head over trash can and heaved once. Felt like I would again but now I'm laying down and trying to calm myself down. I was shaking the whole time measuring it out and it wasn't even SN! And I nearly puked just with table salt. How in the world will I do this and not puke when I know the stuff could kill me when my SI really kicks in?! I'm scared to die but I need out soon.
maybe this post was more of a vent? :|

 

[LMLN]

Saltwater has been used traditionally to induce vomiting after swallowing toxic substances. So not sure if it's a good test or not. Not sure how it compares to SN in that regard.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Saltwater has been used traditionally to induce vomiting after swallowing toxic substances. So not sure if it's a good test or not. Not sure how it compares to SN in that regard.

This is all so frustrating and confusing. I know it's not the same as SN but some people suggest testing with salt to see if you can handle salty taste and to see if you'd vomit.
I know it's not the same, but I thought it could give me an idea of what it's going to be like.

And I know these statements aren't the same, but you mention salt water has been used to *induce* vomiting. And this morning, @Stan mentions that one of the treatments for diarrhea is drinking water with salt to replenish the body. Maybe I'm completing off base here, but It seems a bit counter intuitive that salt water could induce vomiting while also being a possible solution to replenish the body from diarrhea which both vomiting and diarrhea dehydrates the body?! I know SN and salt aren't the same thing but..

 

[LMLN]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Sorry I did not see that last line until now. Ctb is not easy. I think we all struggle with SI and fear. If you are feeling scared, you can always take a step back and take a break. It will still be there later.
Hugs to you.
❤

 

[Mrnobody2019]

Tbf, you felt sick and heaved, but nothing came up, and that's without antiemetics. Would that not be considered a successful trial run

 

[LMLN]

I just think drinking the saltwater could be causing you unnecessary stress. I think it's
maybe more likely to make you puke the saltwater than the SN.
So yes. Maybe it is successful then for a test run.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Tbf, you felt sick and heaved, but nothing came up, and that's without antiemetics. Would that not be considered a successful trial run

Fair enough. I guess I'm also personally venting that my SI already felt triggered during a test

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Sorry I did not see that last line until now. Ctb is not easy. I think we all struggle with SI and fear. If you are feeling scared, you can always take a step back and take a break. It will still be there later.
Hugs to you.
❤

That's true. I feel like my time is running out to do this; with holidays approaching and not many opportunities and my mental health declining... I guess today was successful enough since I have all supplies on hand now. Thank you

 

[MourningHeart]

All my supplies have been secured for SN method.

So I didn't test meto out yet because I'm still too nervous, but I haven't eaten today (so that's like fast for when time comes), weighed out the appropriate amount in table salt and drank it. I nearly puked; head over trash can and heaved once. Felt like I would again but now I'm laying down and trying to calm myself down. I was shaking the whole time measuring it out and it wasn't even SN! And I nearly puked just with table salt. How in the world will I do this and not puke when I know the stuff could kill me when my SI really kicks in?! I'm scared to die but I need out soon.
maybe this post was more of a vent? :|

If you panicked maybe you just need some more bit of time, to make yourself a calm and clear mind. Dont rush things, you are already well prepared but you dont need to force yourself if you feel uncomfortable.

If its some sort of help, i spontaneous tested 20g salt in 75ml water and i could only drink half of it. Nearly vomiting, did not fast. Its salty for me, too. Very salty. Chest was burning a bit as expected. But yeah, thats what im most 'scared' of, the taste. Maybe SI will only kick in when im serious.

I covered my nose when drinking and tried to gulp it at once. After that i rinse my mouth with water. And took a taste of chocolate.

 

[Mrnobody2019]

Fair enough. I guess I'm also personally venting that my SI already felt triggered during a test

That's true. I feel like my time is running out to do this; with holidays approaching and not many opportunities and my mental health declining... I guess today was successful enough since I have all supplies on hand now. Thank you

I understand about the SI. The problem we on this forum have, is that suicide isn't just an impulse for us, it's an active choice which we believe rational after weighing up all other options, and thus it's much harder for us to overcome the survival instint

 

[jgm63]

Although I do understand the reasons of course, I think you are over-worrying and over-thinking.
I've seen a few people here use SN recently, and it seemed to go pretty well....

eg :

Spoiler: catching-that-bus-sn-tonight

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/catching-that-bus-sn-tonight.25956

Spoiler: tonight-sn

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/tonight-sn.26209

 

[Stan]

And I know these statements aren't the same, but you mention salt water has been used to *induce* vomiting. And this morning, @Stan mentions that one of the treatments for diarrhea is drinking water with salt to replenish the body.

Jut to clarify, there is more than one type of salt that is essential for the body. So I was looking at the principle of water with a 'salt' in it.