Discussion "Surviving as a vegetable" isn't actually the "scary" outcome for me

[yellowsouled]

I see the fear of surviving as "a vegetable" (read: vegatative state — no awareness, usually brain death, etc) mentioned a lot here, but honestly, that's not even close to my greatest fear. I mean, if you're truly permanently never risking "waking up" and realizing how bad off you are, you're basically dead already. If there's zero chance of you ever regaining consciousness in the slightest, you're "alive" only in the sense that you're still breathing.

The bigger worry for me has always been I survive, and either:

- I have serious damage and am cognizant enough to know how bad it is, get no help because "no one ever regrets surviving! :D", and have to "live" the rest of my life with this damage (especially since I already have chronic pain and am mentally ill enough without anything like oxygen deprivation / head trauma / major scars / whatever).

Or.

- The attempt fails somehow so spectacularly that it irritates everyone, then I have to deal with twenty million passive aggressive or intentionally humiliating comments about it for the rest of my "life".

And of course, both options would make it much more difficult to even try to reattempt, due to disability or psych restrains on guns or whatever else.

Like, maybe I'm in the minority here, but being a vegetable who is never aware again > being "aware" but horribly disabled or mocked for your attempt. Neither is "good" or a desirable outcome but I see one as less bad than the other. My "best" outcomes from failed CTBs have always been it's a stupid attempt, no one finds out, and I walk it off. It being seen as anything more serious than that where people will force themselves to suddenly pretend to be my BFF because I'm disabled or pitiful now makes my skin crawl.

 

[tiredash]

If its vegetable it means you are already dead, so for you specifically its ok, but if there are people that love you it will be a hell for them, thinking that there is still a chance, or waiting until giving the order to finish you. To me its an undesirable outcome too...

Its ironic how my family loves me at at the same time they are the ones who partially pushed me to this... My grandfather, always a very hardworking man, pushed me that ideology that i cant take out of my head, so every time that im not doing anything productive, which is always, i think im lazy and unworthy and i am full of shame and guilt... Also he wouldnt understand this shit about depression either if I tried to explain, but i wouldnt cause i dont want him to suffer or think im just more lazy than he thought...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I also wouldn't mind being in a state where I don't suffer regardless of whether I'm alive or dead but being in a vegetative state is risky and chances are that I'd probably be in a non vegetative state but instead in a shitty situation where I am experiencing a lot of pain. I'd rather avoid that so I'd rather just have my attempt succeed the first time around

 

[yellowsouled]

If its vegetable it means you are already dead, so for you specifically its ok, but if there are people that love you it will be a hell for them, thinking that there is still a chance, or waiting until giving the order to finish you. To me its an undesirable outcome too...

This is true, but I meant more so physically for yourself. Like, Any suicide is going to hurt your family, unless they're well and truly (for lack of a better term, though it's outdated) psychopaths. If you're permanently comatose you won't be aware enough to notice. I could never tell here if the fear is more "you're forced to stay alive in that state" or "effect on family".

 

[rottingflower0504]

thats my biggest fear thats why im so hesitant with the jumping off of heights method, there is this train platform thats 20-30 ft high and i am scared that i wont die from jumping off it but will paralyze myself instead