Venting take so much, yet give so little - 08/04/25

[lamy's sacred sleep]

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You were given orders, you were given time. You were given more leeway than most...

I keep trying to change, to grow. I give myself time, i give myself orders.
I waste it all.
I make promises to myself, then break them.
I really want to give up. Maybe listening to "it gets better" is wrong.
Why am I even trying?
Well I know why.
It's just frustrating to fight yourself every day.

In 5 years I haven't changed. It's just that the work has gotten harder and I can't coast by anymore.
I'm not resilient.
I wish I had been more resilient. My ctb would have been unexpected and unhindered.

It's just annoying to fight something no one can see, no one can feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm making it all up.

 

[timf]

Sometimes a person can look at their entire life at once and it can feel overwhelming. It may seem impossible to make a change in something that seems to have such momentum. This is where a little victory can help. If you can pick one small thing you would like to change and then pick one small way you could do something different, it can give a victory to build on. For example, A person may not seem to be able to save any money. However, if he puts 25 cents in a jar everyday and can build some momentum doing that, he might be able to slowly increase the amount over time. If things seem hopeless it may because you are thinking about changing too much at one time.