Tempted to travel to a developing country and go out in a blaze.

[HereIGoAgain24]

About a year ago, I was in Vietnam as an English teacher, and found myself in this backpacker quarter. The place was crazy- I walked into a pharmacy to get my anti-anxiety meds, and not only did I not need a prescription, the pharmacist tried to sell me xanax, ritalin, and morphine. I was surrounded by cheap beer, loud music, sex, 'massage parlors', and prostitutes. Other people told me about their trips to Cambodia, where they could would get offered cocaine and heroin just walking down the streets.
And I'm so tempted to travel back and CTB that way.
Take all the drugs I want. Eat whatever I want. Hook up with people. Drink as much as I can. And never wake up. I wouldn't hire prostitutes (I don't want to support that exploitation), but anything else goes.
I have enough in my savings to do it; the only thing that's holding me back is... the fact that I'm supposed to start a job in February. Seriously? The world's on fire; society is falling apart around us. I have nothing else to look forward to in my life, any long-term goals would inevitably fall apart from the whims of the mad tyrants ruling us. And what are my other methods for CTB?
I have SN (no benzos or meto, though), so what- I take it in my apartment and quietly hope it works, only spending my last moments terrified of both living and dying?
Use the blood-choke method when I can barely feel the organs around my neck?
Try to get a gun in the US (never fired one in my life, and being from New York, it's not as easy as it is for most people).

I know, on some level, that the 'blaze of euphoria' could just make things worse for me. I've read the non-methods megathread; I know that any of these could just fail and leave me with permanent injuries. But FUCK, it's so tempting, and the biggest thing holding me back is a fucking job offer.

 

[nibba]

Sorry you feel this way but on the flipside that sounds like an awesome way to go. I was thinking of going to Mexico and doing something similar but if Vietnam is like that then I'm sold.

 

[HereIGoAgain24]

Sorry you feel this way but on the flipside that sounds like an awesome way to go. I was thinking of going to Mexico and doing something similar but if Vietnam is like that then I'm sold.

Mexico or another country in Latin America would be pretty awesome, and I've wanted to experience them a bit. It's probably the easier option if you're in America, as well. I think I just want to try Vietnam or Cambodia because I'm a bit more familiar with them (actually, Cambodia is probably the better bet, since it's less developed).

And hey, no need to feel sorry for me. I'm in a weird position in my life where things are personally fine for me, but it's just watching the world around me go insane that makes me want to CTB. I see the stories from people here- people who have no money, abusive families, horrible trauma, who face discrimination every day- whose every minute is a nightmare, who are trapped in a cycle of misery. They don't have this option that I do. That's INFINITELY worse than what I'm facing.

 

[Richard Langford]

The idea of being able to buy anything at a chemist is appealing. Like morphine or even N. However, the idea of doing myself in a Cambodian hotel isn't. I did look look at Cambodian online chemists to see if they ship obroad. I suppose uk customs would be wise to that if they did anyway.