Terrible panick attack

[babouflo201223]

J'ai eu une grosse et terrifiante crise de panique il y a 2 heures. J'en ai souvent, mais pas de façon grave. Tremblements, sensation de déréalisation, et comme si je n'avais nulle part où aller pour me sentir mieux et sous protection. J'étais en fait bloquée sur mon lit, impossible de bouger. Je suis toujours sous le choc même si tout est sous contrôle maintenant. Mais cela me donne une envie plus forte de mourir et d'arrêter de souffrir après cela. Tellement effrayée et tellement fatiguée, tellement fatiguée...
Did anyone already have something like that ? I'm so afraid it could come back at any moment.

 

[Yarani]

From what you describe, it reminds me of both a panic attack and a flashback. Unfortunately I'm not really knowledgeable in either though.
What do you usually do after it to take care of yourself?
I relate to that feeling of being vulnerable, unprotected and unsafe. Like wherever you go and whatever you do, you always have to stay vigilant and there's not a single safe space.
Have you tried grounding techniques or is there something that can support you in those moments?

Si tu ne comprends pas assez d'anglais, tu peux mettre le texte dans google translate. Je peux lire et comprendre ce que tu écris, mais écrire une réponse est très difficile pour moi, parce que mon francais est très rouillé.

 

[babouflo201223]

Merci pour ton message. Cela ne m'était jamais arrivé à ce point, aussi fort et aussi longtemps. Donc je ne sais pas comment gérer cela. Je pense que l'épuisement nerveux et psychique est la cause. Je suis à bout de forces, je ne supporte plus la solitude, et je pense que le suicide est mon seul problème, cette grosse attaque de panique me renforce encore dans cette idée. Les techniques d'ancrage marchent peut-être, tu comme raison, dans les cas d'angoisse ou d'anxiété modérée, j'avais essayé une technique de respiration lors d'une crise d'angoisse il ya quelque temps. Mais ce que j'ai vécu tout à l'heure était horrible et je ne vois pas ce qui aurait pu m'aider, c'était beaucoup trop fort, rien à voir avec les crises d'angoisse que je peux avoir souvent. J'en ai marre. Marre de tout. Si je genre de symptômes terrifiants viennent s'ajouter à tout le reste, déjà que je n'en peux plus, c'est l'enfer dans ma tête.
C'est comme tu dis, l'impression d'être vulnérable, en grand danger, et de ne plus pouvoir bouger, être bloqué, en ne sachant même plus si j'existe ou pas, c'est très bizarre, et comme si tout allait s'effondrer autour de moi et dans ma tête aussi. Il faut que tout ça s'arrête, c'est plus une vie de toute façon. Mais je voudrais une manière fiable et la moins douloureuse possible pour partir. Mais tout le monde veut ça, je le sais bien.

 

[Yarani]

It sounds truly terrifying, and I wish I knew what to do, but usually there is no quick fix for such problems.
You seem to suffer from loneliness alot, and from heartbreak. Is there anyone at all in your life that you could talk to? Could you try to get help for this? I will also understand if you say no.
You mentioned that it could be the mental exhaustion that caused the attack to be so strong. That was my thought aswell. Do you have any medication to alleviate the symptoms?
In any case, you don't have to be completely alone. People here will understand, so keep writing from your heart.
Also, I've seen this, maybe there is still room:

[FR] Conversation privée entre Français

Coucou tout le monde, suite à ce thread j'ai décidé de créer une conversation en DM pour les Français, qui n'ont pas l'air bien nombreux sur SaSu ! Faites-moi signe ici si vous êtes intéressé'es pour être ajouté'es.

sanctioned-suicide.net

If you'd like more people to respond, just write out your message, put it through a translator, and then post the translation. I know there are others here who do that aswell.

 

[babouflo201223]

Hi again and thank you for your message, it's kind of you. Yes, indees, I'm completely alone since my girlfriend left last december to start a new life without me (after a little more than 16 ans living together). It's life. I spent 5 weeks in psyciatric hospital (last week of december + 4 weeks of january) and again a bit more than 5 weeks from middle of April (CBT failed) and end of May. I have medication of course, but it's not enough to solve the problem. I'm still under the shock of the departure of my girlfried and even if the people and doctors in the hospital tell "you have to turn the page", it's not so easy. Complete loneliness don't help. Of course, my situation could be worse, I know that. I have a big house, money enough, but money is not the way to happiness when there is nobody to share the life with you.
And, to be honest, I'm 52 years old and I feel like a very old man since my 2 long moments in psychiatric hospital this year. Always tired, very tired. And so sad. Despair in my heart.
Thank you for the link about the "room" to talk between french people. Of course I know it. Most of them, if I'm right, are young or very young people, I don't want to bother them with my stories and problems.
Thank you for your empathie.

 

[Yarani]

I empathise. I also had a breakup some months ago, after 10 years together. Like you, I feel terribly alone, but I partly chose it. I understand the emptiness, the despair. You're absolutely right, money can't buy happiness. What money can buy is opportunities.
And yes, it's easy for the doctors to say "turn the page". It's not my first breakup, and I know they are right, but what that doesn't acknowledge is that it can be so hard that sometimes people can't bring up the will to do it.
You decide if it's worth it or not, in either case there will be people here to listen. Yes, most are probably very young, but that doesn't mean they can't empathise and listen, and sometimes add very valuable insights. If it bothers someone, they can just skip your message. I understand your reasoning, but I don't think you have to restrain yourself that much here. Everyone here is suffering, and your problems can be relatable for anyone, regardless of age. Most, if not all, will understand loneliness and loss. Those are sadly universal, no matter the age.