bitofftoomuch
hold onto those who accept your messy self
- Jul 1, 2024
- 148
If ctb'ing were as simple as getting a bottle of N from a local store I likely would just get it, store it, and not feel any need to think about CTB'ing until things got very bad. Who knows, I might actually commit myself to recovery enough to successfully rebound and wind up never using it.
But since instead it's far harder to die peacefully, I sink hours at a time into researching things and it makes my mental health far worse. CTB'ing is on my mind for far longer stretches of time and renders me much more dysfunctional. Even after ordering SN I'm overwhelmed by the daunting process of getting anti-vom pills and sedatives. If I'm being honest I personally have high standards for "peaceful". Again, would be so much easier if methods like ddmaph or N weren't so criminalized.
It's quite depressing that suicide appears to be something every major global power player is in lockstep on. Whether fascist, liberal, or "socialist", every country wants to criminalize ctb methods. N has basically been bombed off the map, metaphorically speaking. Do they not realize that just like abortion people will still find a way, but that it will just be a much less pleasant process? That's rhetorical of course. They don't care about our suffering. They just want fewer suicides because mass ctb would lose them negotiating power over labor or harm their public health reputation. Making CTB'ing as unpleasant as possible is a victory in their eyes because they see it as good to keep as many of us here against our own will as possible. I want to shake these shitstains and tell them that if they want us alive, they should instead be building a society worth living in. That they now work relentlessly to stop us from opting out is the silent admission that this capitalist model is in its latest stage so shitty and hellish that most rational people want out. I pray by some satanic miracle we'll one day again find a steady supply of what we need.
But since instead it's far harder to die peacefully, I sink hours at a time into researching things and it makes my mental health far worse. CTB'ing is on my mind for far longer stretches of time and renders me much more dysfunctional. Even after ordering SN I'm overwhelmed by the daunting process of getting anti-vom pills and sedatives. If I'm being honest I personally have high standards for "peaceful". Again, would be so much easier if methods like ddmaph or N weren't so criminalized.
It's quite depressing that suicide appears to be something every major global power player is in lockstep on. Whether fascist, liberal, or "socialist", every country wants to criminalize ctb methods. N has basically been bombed off the map, metaphorically speaking. Do they not realize that just like abortion people will still find a way, but that it will just be a much less pleasant process? That's rhetorical of course. They don't care about our suffering. They just want fewer suicides because mass ctb would lose them negotiating power over labor or harm their public health reputation. Making CTB'ing as unpleasant as possible is a victory in their eyes because they see it as good to keep as many of us here against our own will as possible. I want to shake these shitstains and tell them that if they want us alive, they should instead be building a society worth living in. That they now work relentlessly to stop us from opting out is the silent admission that this capitalist model is in its latest stage so shitty and hellish that most rational people want out. I pray by some satanic miracle we'll one day again find a steady supply of what we need.