The demonisation of bpd

[bl33ding_heart]

I hate when people act like borderlines are the spawn of satan. Yes I can have manipulative tendancies, but that doesn't mean I choose to manipulate people for fun. And it doesn't mean I'm evil. I just talked with someone earlier who told me I'm manipulative and controlling for telling my bf I was having suicidal thoughts over something and wanting to harm myself over something. Like no, I don't choose or want to be like this. I just unfortunately am. It's so sickening how people act like this is a choice when in reality I would do anything to not be like this. Like yes I admit I'm not a good person and I have my flaws but I'm not evil, and they refused to even acknowledge the pain I was in and just said "you'll survive" and "borderlines just hurt the people around them". Like maybe they were hurt so bad by the people around them that they turned out even worse than them? I honestly get convinced more and more each day that empathy doesn't really exist for most people.

 

[hankly]

The problem comes when you're disregulated or stressed or in what you see as emotional danger.

You switch off the critical thinking and the interpersonal skills and just focus on regulating and trying to return to baseline, and you do this through getting others to balance you.

It's not easy at all and being borderline is pretty fucking difficult but for people that don't have experience of it it's overwhelming and their system is trying to keep them safe by highlighting your behaviour as a threat.

Do your dbt, there are plenty of free courses online to get you started. Mood stabilisers can help for big cases. Try and work as many healthy coping mechanisms into your routine and avoid all the standard stuff.

Open conversations with close people about the condition and catching yourself when you're manipulating, stopping, apologising and showing you care about the other person is going to do a world of good for it.

You have an illness and like almost all illnesses there are ways to manage it to decrease the suffering it causes you and those closest to you.

 

[vak]

I feel this so deeply. My recovery partner has BPD too, and I've seen how much agony it causes them, especially when the people who hurt them in the first place turn around and act like they're evil. Maybe if folks spent less time creating trauma and more time learning about it, we wouldn't be here.

I won't lie, it's hard sometimes (for both of us) but that doesn't mean they're bad or manipulative or any of the crap people like to label. Most of the time, they're just overwhelmed by emotions so intense it literally hurts.

And what really gets me is how people refuse to see the pain, and instead just go, "oh you're manipulative" like that's the whole story. No. You're not evil. You're not doing this for fun. You're in pain and trying to cope with stuff no one should have had to deal with in the first place.

You're not alone in this. You deserve empathy, even if most people seem too self-absorbed to offer it.

 

[FoxSauce]

As a person with bpd. And idk if i do this but yeah even something so little can send you ina downward spiral.

Overall some people think that people with borderline are toxic and violent but not all of them and if they are and there trying not to react that way or show remorse that's something should slcelebrated cu it's baby steps yknow.

 

[The Actual Devil]

I hate when people act like borderlines are the spawn of satan.

This bothers me, too. While I have no spawn, I am always willing to make friends with and even take such a person under one of my wings. It's good shade in this heatwave, you know?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I haven't had the experience of being close to someone with borderline. I suppose I nearly could have. I began chatting more frequently with someone here who offered friendship. I know myself though. I have abandonment issues and I couldn't see that working well with someone who was very intense one minute and then, cold the next.

I think we need to do that in any relationship- figure out if our issues will intensify when being exposed to theirs. Sometimes it's better to steer clear for both people's sakes I feel.

Not the same but, I do think I grew up with a (suspected) narcissist. And, the same argument happens there. I can understand that for people actually diagnosed with NPD, it's got to be horrible experiencing so many people demonizing them.

Truthfully though- being around this person was catastrophic for me. I developed ideation aged 10 because of them. Because of their constant bullying, gas lighting and lying. Sure, there must have been stuff going on for them to make them act like that but, it's hard to feel sympathy when it has impacted your life so massively. It's hard to believe it's unconscious too. How can you unknowingly blantantly lie about someone? It feels targetted and malicious when it's happening to you personally.

I just don't know enough about borderline. I do feel massively sorry for anyone struggling though. I can feel sorry for NPD sufferers. It can't be fun to live with.

That said- I can see it from the perspective of those who are hurt too. Bear in mind, they can also be dealing with their own issues. Which may become intensified for them after being treated in a certain way.

I can relate to feeling emotionally overwhelmed- I've been through several bouts of intense limerence. I can also feel very intense emotions and needs for friendship. I don't think it is borderline for me but, I recognise I can become unhealthily dependent on others. I suppose to remedy that or, the risk of that and the hurt of being abandoned, it's become more comfortable for me to isolate. Not to say that's a healthy way of living though.

I do feel bad for anyone struggling and feeling compelled to do certain things. Out of curiosity, do you find you have to consider what you say, before you say it? Do you question whether some things will come across as trying to manipulate? That's got to be awful in itself- if you constantly have to check yourself.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Fellow BPD sufferer here. I have found the best thing for me is to just stay away from other people. I have found other non bpd people to be far more dangerous than I have ever been to someone else. And we get demonized over something we can't control.

BPD is literally a brain issue, affecting specifically the amiygdala, which is responsible for emotional regulation. People with BPD tend to have smaller amygdalas. Making it harder for us to regulate in a way that out of our control.

Especially if you have treatment resistant BPd where all those coping skills don't do jack shit no matter how much you practice them. Because maybe you can't will an illness away. But that's how most people see mental illness. Something you're just not trying hard enough to get rid of.