Venting The first girl I loved told me she never loved me

[Merge]

I recently started talking to my first gf again. I met her in the beginning of the year. I never really liked talking to girls or anything like that before I met her, I had enough to do with family, going out with friends and hobbies etc and honestly I was too scared to ask someone out. In the beginning it was nice but after a few weeks I noticed she didn't like me like I did. She never asked to hang out her or introduce me to anything in her life not even her friends. She didn't make time for me and almost never made me feel loved. We kept meeting for a few months till I couldn't do it anymore. My life felt like torture at that point, but still I loved her. After 3 attempts I finally broke up with her. I went completely No-Contact with her.

Now a few weeks ago she accidentally called me and I didn't have her number saved anymore so I called back. We talked for a bit. Generally I'm pretty bad at hating people, despite them doing me wrong. She texted me after and we talked for a bit, she told me how she changed etc. It kinda felt like she wanted to get back together, which I didn't know what I'd do if she asked to meet again, since being together was really not pleasant for me. Now I've been going through a though time the last week's and I just wanted to talk to someone who doesn't really know how my life has been in recent times. I called her and we talked and she asked me if I'm seeing someone and I said no. She said she's seeing a friend of hers now. She told me how it's so different with him and that she changed for him. And she did everything, I had to beg her for and she still didn't do, for him. I honestly was happy for her despite of course feeling hurt that I wasn't that person. She told me how she'd like to be friends still and that she's so sorry for everything she did and didn't do back then. She said I shouldn't worry about finding someone because she knows I'm great person. How she thought something was wrong with her for months, because she couldn't care for me like I did for her.

Then she said the thing that really bit me. She told me back then she already saw me more as a friend. I can't explain it but despite everything I thought she loved me in her twisted way. Although I often felt like she couldn't give a fuck about me, I believed she loved me. She was the first and probably only person I loved that way and to hear that she didn't feel that just made me feel odd. I just don't know how I feel about it. I know it's stupid because of all the horrible things that are happening in my life, but I can't forget it.

 

[graysme]

Honestly, I hope this makes you stronger. This girl texted you just so she could feel at peace with herself for how she behaved with you. Pretty shitty behavior if you ask me. I hope you'll get over her, as she deserves little to no space in your head. You'll find someone who appreciates you, OP.

 

[Merge]

Thanks man. I never thought about it that way. Honestly I just hope she's happy and I never have to talk to her again. Just can't hate her. lol Your comment really helped me, thank you for that.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I recently started talking to my first gf again. I met her in the beginning of the year. I never really liked talking to girls or anything like that before I met her, I had enough to do with family, going out with friends and hobbies etc and honestly I was too scared to ask someone out. In the beginning it was nice but after a few weeks I noticed she didn't like me like I did. She never asked to hang out her or introduce me to anything in her life not even her friends. She didn't make time for me and almost never made me feel loved. We kept meeting for a few months till I couldn't do it anymore. My life felt like torture at that point, but still I loved her. After 3 attempts I finally broke up with her. I went completely No-Contact with her.

Now a few weeks ago she accidentally called me and I didn't have her number saved anymore so I called back. We talked for a bit. Generally I'm pretty bad at hating people, despite them doing me wrong. She texted me after and we talked for a bit, she told me how she changed etc. It kinda felt like she wanted to get back together, which I didn't know what I'd do if she asked to meet again, since being together was really not pleasant for me. Now I've been going through a though time the last week's and I just wanted to talk to someone who doesn't really know how my life has been in recent times. I called her and we talked and she asked me if I'm seeing someone and I said no. She said she's seeing a friend of hers now. She told me how it's so different with him and that she changed for him. And she did everything, I had to beg her for and she still didn't do, for him. I honestly was happy for her despite of course feeling hurt that I wasn't that person. She told me how she'd like to be friends still and that she's so sorry for everything she did and didn't do back then. She said I shouldn't worry about finding someone because she knows I'm great person. How she thought something was wrong with her for months, because she couldn't care for me like I did for her.

Then she said the thing that really bit me. She told me back then she already saw me more as a friend. I can't explain it but despite everything I thought she loved me in her twisted way. Although I often felt like she couldn't give a fuck about me, I believed she loved me. She was the first and probably only person I loved that way and to hear that she didn't feel that just made me feel odd. I just don't know how I feel about it. I know it's stupid because of all the horrible things that are happening in my life, but I can't forget it.

I think what you're feeling makes total sense, and its crazy how love can mess with your head and heart. You were giving everything and not getting what you needed, what you deserved. Like being stuck in some emotional limbo where you know something isn't right, but your hear keeps going for more. I know it's got to be gut wrenching going through this. Even if it's the right decision to let go (and it definitely was), it doesn't make it hurt less, especially since you were emotionally invested in her.

The fact that she's with someone else and telling you how she changed, that has to sting and it was shitty of her to do. It seems like you want to be happy for her, but it's okay to be upset about it. It'll take time to feel better, and right now, it sounds like you're still trying to make sense of it all. Don't be too rough on yourself for feeling the way you do. Emotions are messy and complicated because that's what love does. It'll take time, but I have faith that you'll heal and find someone far more deserving of your love and time, when you're ready for that. :)