fuckthis
I've made up my mind.
- Sep 23, 2018
- 263
Holy shit.
I am so fucking weirded out right now. This is not a lengthy or planned out post, this is just a lot for me to take in. A few months ago I had started messaging this person over Reddit, we literally discussed everything, even our favourite types of music, where we roughly lived, etc. At one point, I stupidly expressed my suicidal thoughts to her. She said she was not comfortable with that and so I just moved on. There were times when I were really angry, and for no reason. Though she understood why, and she tried to calm me down or ask me about my thoughts. These were the times where I really started to talk about death, and what we thought happened after you die.
At some point, I had found this website and I started using it more regularly than Reddit. After having read the SN method, I told her I had ordered some primperan from eBay. I know it was stupid, but this was the only friend I had at the time. She was the only one I thought I could trust. But it wasn't until she had blocked me did I realize she was obviously part of the norm, and did not want me to die. This was later amplified after she was able to find where my mom was fucking working at, and there just so happened to be only two places in my general area where she could've been. One night I was really upset, and started fantasizing about being stabbed. She freaked out. She knew that night that my mom was working a night shift, and so she called into her work place. She asked for the worker who had a son named ____. My mom happened to be the one who picked up the phone and my 'friend' fucking told her that I had ordered some pills through the mail. Where my mom works, there are only usually 3 - 4 people in her section that work the same times she does, so it's very possible my mom picked up the phone.
Now you might call bullshit, you might think that she is lying to fuck with my head. But that same night she blocked me, and my mom came back from work at 1am. Later that day my mom had said she was sick and so she came back. What makes things worse is that my primperan still hasn't came, and I am starting to think that my mom actually intercepted the parcel before I did and threw it away. My mom has not confronted me about any of this. I only know this because I created a second account on Reddit asking my 'friend' why she had blocked me, then she came out with all of this thinking I would've known by now.
Her reasoning behind all of this, was that she 'cared' and didn't want me to die. I couldn't control myself, and ended up calling her a selfish cow and that I would find her if she ever invaded my life like that again. I'm sorry this is not very well written or whatever, I am just really fucking scared that she has the capability to do this again. She reassured me by saying that she would never do it again, and that it was worth losing me as a friend if it meant I would still be alive. Though she does not understand that I have a right to die, it is my life and I should be able to choose my own fate. She does not understand this, infact this whole ordeal has made things worse. I do not know why she does this, she likes to see me suffer apparently, she likes to see a kid with no potential be forced to live the remainder of his life with a mother who will now worry every fucking time I mention about a parcel coming.
In conclusion, she has fucked me. She really has, and now I want to die more than ever. She blocked my second account, good riddance. At least I was provided some sort of closure, so I can now hate her even more. She said she would never forget this, and I said I will, but only after I'm burried and her last memory of me would be of this. Fuck her.
I am so fucking weirded out right now. This is not a lengthy or planned out post, this is just a lot for me to take in. A few months ago I had started messaging this person over Reddit, we literally discussed everything, even our favourite types of music, where we roughly lived, etc. At one point, I stupidly expressed my suicidal thoughts to her. She said she was not comfortable with that and so I just moved on. There were times when I were really angry, and for no reason. Though she understood why, and she tried to calm me down or ask me about my thoughts. These were the times where I really started to talk about death, and what we thought happened after you die.
At some point, I had found this website and I started using it more regularly than Reddit. After having read the SN method, I told her I had ordered some primperan from eBay. I know it was stupid, but this was the only friend I had at the time. She was the only one I thought I could trust. But it wasn't until she had blocked me did I realize she was obviously part of the norm, and did not want me to die. This was later amplified after she was able to find where my mom was fucking working at, and there just so happened to be only two places in my general area where she could've been. One night I was really upset, and started fantasizing about being stabbed. She freaked out. She knew that night that my mom was working a night shift, and so she called into her work place. She asked for the worker who had a son named ____. My mom happened to be the one who picked up the phone and my 'friend' fucking told her that I had ordered some pills through the mail. Where my mom works, there are only usually 3 - 4 people in her section that work the same times she does, so it's very possible my mom picked up the phone.
Now you might call bullshit, you might think that she is lying to fuck with my head. But that same night she blocked me, and my mom came back from work at 1am. Later that day my mom had said she was sick and so she came back. What makes things worse is that my primperan still hasn't came, and I am starting to think that my mom actually intercepted the parcel before I did and threw it away. My mom has not confronted me about any of this. I only know this because I created a second account on Reddit asking my 'friend' why she had blocked me, then she came out with all of this thinking I would've known by now.
Her reasoning behind all of this, was that she 'cared' and didn't want me to die. I couldn't control myself, and ended up calling her a selfish cow and that I would find her if she ever invaded my life like that again. I'm sorry this is not very well written or whatever, I am just really fucking scared that she has the capability to do this again. She reassured me by saying that she would never do it again, and that it was worth losing me as a friend if it meant I would still be alive. Though she does not understand that I have a right to die, it is my life and I should be able to choose my own fate. She does not understand this, infact this whole ordeal has made things worse. I do not know why she does this, she likes to see me suffer apparently, she likes to see a kid with no potential be forced to live the remainder of his life with a mother who will now worry every fucking time I mention about a parcel coming.
In conclusion, she has fucked me. She really has, and now I want to die more than ever. She blocked my second account, good riddance. At least I was provided some sort of closure, so I can now hate her even more. She said she would never forget this, and I said I will, but only after I'm burried and her last memory of me would be of this. Fuck her.
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