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LeftBankTwo

LeftBankTwo

Love is all I know
Jun 6, 2023
9
I watched this movie a couple of hours ago. Pirated because I can't afford the tickets and any showings for it in theaters are long past over because it's so late.

It's the first movie I've genuinely cried to in a long time, the way the movie just... Ends abruptly with a cruel and unsatisfying ending for the main character. If you've seen it you know what I'm talking about.

It made me stare at the roof in bed because it made me think about my life. The whole movie is about somebody living a life that wasn't right for them yet still unwilling to let change happen. They were unwilling to see themselves past the TV for the self discovery, scared of what would be on the other side.

It's got me thinking about my relationship with my boyfriend, I know I love him somewhat but I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is really what anybody would call "love" in the sense? I have daydreams on occasions about being with a girl but I know it'll never mean anything. I love him dearly but it's so strange.

It has me thinking about how I've spent all my life trying to be this lady that everybody wants despite being misgendered multiple times for having a different voice. I've always thought about being a guy just because of how I've never really fit into any category related to what people would call "girly" although I know not being inherently feminine doesn't make me a guy either even though I fear a deep pit inside of me craves to satisfy the feeling to know what it is like.
 
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