The Self Destruction of a Bad Bitch

[starboy2k]

Ok I was technically never a "bad bitch" (Im a delusional ugly black dude, that feat was never possible) but I used to think I was worth……….something.

Now Im in a state where I could care less if someone tried to rob me knowing I have nothing but dust bunnies in my pockets, I would still tempt them to pull that trigger for the "loot". I just dont care.

I stopped caring about bills I cant pay.
I stopped caring about jobs I wont get.
I stopped caring about the meds I need to take to live a "long healthy life" (Biktarvy type shit lol)
I stopped caring about my overall health.
I drink Red Bull (all flavors) like its fucking water.
I sleep on a air mattress with a hole the size of mines (NSFW) so now I wake up every morning on the damn floor.
Fucked up back, fucked up lymph nodes, fucked up crooks in my neck. My lucious body is hanging on a thread.
I know Im no good for longtime human intimacy, I was just a human fleshlight (not anymore. My well has ran dry)
Finances is tanked because my 'tarded brain can't accept the fact that money is not supposed to be played with like I got it out of a damn board game.
I barely smile, I barely talk, I barely laugh, I dont love my family at all, I forgot how my friends looked, the only thing that is keeping me alive is drugs, porn, and food.

I say all of this shit because I refuse to waste my money on fucking therapy, this website is free at least lmaooo but also……..I feel like Im self destructing not only because the work I have to do to seem like a productive adult is repulsive to me, but because the goalpost is constantly being moved. The work seems harder and harder. The reward is just less judgment on my faltering life and some money in my pocket. I've reached a point where I genuinely feel my life is absolutely worthless…and it makes CTB so much easier to desire and fathom.

TLDR: Im self-destructing because the life I never asked for, inside a world I never wanted to live in makes it easier for you to fall head first down rock bottom. I can't keep pulling myself up by bootstraps I dont even have anymore.

Thanks for reading hottie. <3 (Sorry for the shitty grammar, I dont care to fix that either)

 

[ma0]

Thanks for reading hottie. <3

I'm not a hottie and I'm utterly offended you would even consider such a notion

 

[starboy2k]

I'm not a hottie and I'm utterly offended you would even consider such a notion

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Don't be too hard on yourself.

I know a man who was once called subhuman by someone he still calls a friend. He slept on a basement floor. That same man was called an "illegal monkey," "Sub-Saharan baboon," "boon," "black cunt," "ugly cunt." And yet… he still chooses to keep that racist close. At least you have self-respect — something he can't relate to.

This is the same man who begged me to be in his music videos as his love interest. Rejection must have cut deep, because now his hobby is insulting my looks. But when your full-time job is putting others down, what else is there to do?

I pray for him. God, please help this man who accepted those slurs and being called less than human.

He writes endless stories about me — never to my face, of course. A coward always prefers the shadows. He once told me, "Stay away from my friends," as if people are property. He begged for my likes and comments, and when his own pictures got no attention, his favourite word was "jealous."

No one is jealous of a basement dweller who lied about having a three-bedroom flat, couldn't scrape together £10 to get home, and begged me for money. Now he wants to mock me for being broke — forgetting the days he was penniless himself.

He should run back to that racist "coloniser" he privately called disgusting. The same one who insulted him behind his back at every chance.

And as for calling me "ugly like a man"? Funny — that didn't stop him from wanting me as his leading lady in his failed music career. Maybe he's more like that racist than he realises.

When it came time to face someone who wanted to expose him, he ran away to Scotland. Coward then, coward now.

 

[starboy2k]

Don't be too hard on yourself.

I know a man who was once called subhuman by someone he still calls a friend. He slept on a basement floor. That same man was called an "illegal monkey," "Sub-Saharan baboon," "boon," "black cunt," "ugly cunt." And yet… he still chooses to keep that racist close. At least you have self-respect — something he can't relate to.

This is the same man who begged me to be in his music videos as his love interest. Rejection must have cut deep, because now his hobby is insulting my looks. But when your full-time job is putting others down, what else is there to do?

I pray for him. God, please help this man who accepted those slurs and being called less than human.

He writes endless stories about me — never to my face, of course. A coward always prefers the shadows. He once told me, "Stay away from my friends," as if people are property. He begged for my likes and comments, and when his own pictures got no attention, his favourite word was "jealous."

No one is jealous of a basement dweller who lied about having a three-bedroom flat, couldn't scrape together £10 to get home, and begged me for money. Now he wants to mock me for being broke — forgetting the days he was penniless himself.

He should run back to that racist "coloniser" he privately called disgusting. The same one who insulted him behind his back at every chance.

And as for calling me "ugly like a man"? Funny — that didn't stop him from wanting me as his leading lady in his failed music career. Maybe he's more like that racist than he realises.

When it came time to face someone who wanted to expose him, he ran away to Scotland. Coward then, coward now.

literally my face reading all of this oh wow lol