There is the Werther effect. That suicides in media can to lead to copycat suicides. I think this can happen.
However, I also think about the people who feel similar bad as me and keep living.
I listen to emo rap and all these rappers wanna die. But barely anyone actually committed suicide. Lil Peep, Juice WRLD, xxx, Brennan Savage, Lil Skies.
You can live on the edge and still survive. Admittedly, 3/5 of the list died young but they did not ctb.
Chester Bennington made it to 41. David Foster Wallace an author I love made it to 46.
I also have the feeling I am sort of a time bomb. There are some indicators that say my suicide is likely. But I hope for a miracle.
There is this borderline woman in my self-help group. She has no loved one's and her dad just died. And she is completely alone. And does not know how to survive. I think I will share a similar fate one day. But until this day comes I think I have to survive. For the sake of my parents. I cannot commit suicide this would kill them.
Sad, melacholic music comforts me. I feel less alone in my pain. Everything is so overwhelming. I wish I could just switch my mind off. I need a break of this. It also does not feel like there was any reward for playing this game. There is at least no punishment. And when I almost ctb it felt sort of like a punishment to go to this acute suicidality clnic. Such a nightmare stay. This was the most horrible clinic stay in my whole life. This is a big incentive not to repeat it. Except, if I am very determined to go through with it. But for now I keep postponing it and hope for a miracle to happen.
However, I also think about the people who feel similar bad as me and keep living.
I listen to emo rap and all these rappers wanna die. But barely anyone actually committed suicide. Lil Peep, Juice WRLD, xxx, Brennan Savage, Lil Skies.
You can live on the edge and still survive. Admittedly, 3/5 of the list died young but they did not ctb.
Chester Bennington made it to 41. David Foster Wallace an author I love made it to 46.
I also have the feeling I am sort of a time bomb. There are some indicators that say my suicide is likely. But I hope for a miracle.
There is this borderline woman in my self-help group. She has no loved one's and her dad just died. And she is completely alone. And does not know how to survive. I think I will share a similar fate one day. But until this day comes I think I have to survive. For the sake of my parents. I cannot commit suicide this would kill them.
Sad, melacholic music comforts me. I feel less alone in my pain. Everything is so overwhelming. I wish I could just switch my mind off. I need a break of this. It also does not feel like there was any reward for playing this game. There is at least no punishment. And when I almost ctb it felt sort of like a punishment to go to this acute suicidality clnic. Such a nightmare stay. This was the most horrible clinic stay in my whole life. This is a big incentive not to repeat it. Except, if I am very determined to go through with it. But for now I keep postponing it and hope for a miracle to happen.
