theneverending
Member
- Oct 27, 2024
- 17
Something I've never been able to wrap my head around is the basic and constant uselessness feeling I've always felt in my soul, ever since I was a small child. Most of my life I was able to find fun things to distract myself from the impending doom I felt would be imminent throughout my life. And throughout my teenage life I've felt the inability to control my emotions was something that should not be naturally an instinct in humans. I never understood how chemicals could affect your whole understanding and basis of your own existence. People around me taking their lives, and the constant urge to do the same; but would that fix anything? In the end the world would not change without me and would still be a miserable place full of miserable people. And while I want the suffering to stop, would ending it all even stop the suffering? Or would it just prolong it? And the question I guess at the basis of everything in my mind is: what even is suffering? Is my suffering even real? Or is it some fabricated lie I was tricked into believing by the people around me? I feel hopelessly lost in my own thoughts and engrossed in the feelings I cannot comprehend or fully understand, will I ever understand? Or will I remain clueless in this miserable existence until the day that it all ends, if it ever does. I think I just need help wrapping my head around things...
