Cyagangy
Self Immolation fr fr
- Apr 27, 2024
- 107
My tale of when God called upon me, it had been 3 days after my 9 attempts. I writhed and seethed in mental anguish and fury on my bed. I cursed at myself. I almost cursed upon Gods name yet I didn't. I had truly given up by that point. Everything felt surreal, going to school extremely tired and out of breath due to failed suffocation having to act as if everything was completely fine. As if I was fine, it felt almost maddening. But the holy spirit was imparted onto me while I was doing research on how to properly end my life. I put my phone down as it gave me visions of tribulation, it requested me to spread the word until my end. What was strange about this holy ghost is it truly had no form nor voice. It was a feeling, I gained wisdom and happiness in that moment as I began to laugh in my bed. My seething was gone now filled with purpose. I knew exactly what I was going to do. I went to church and further studied the christian religion, though I knew no one would take my warnings seriously. General religious hate is common due to clergy abuse and toxic christians. I vowed with the three months I have left on this planet I will spread his love the best I can while rejecting temptation. This meant forgiving my mother,my molester and everyone who had once wronged me in the past. I helped to rectify the evils of homophobia in my christian community. How dare we judge others for sins when we ourselves are sinners? God's love was meant for everyone and that meant everyone. After my extreme switch to religion I made a plan to read the bible live. I will do it throughout two weeks and when I'm done i'll self-immolate to show how serious I was. I can't try my hardest to save those I care deeply for from the upcoming tribulation but only they may truly change. I once questioned my sanity, part of me believed I was being rash and deluded but I knew in my heart what I saw. Though to feed that very naysayer in my psyche I decided to tell my brother in christ about my plan. I wont say his name here but he told me that plan was "Not in christ doctrine" I nodded my head. I'm glad he hasn't told anyone about my plan but I fear he is worrying and praying for me. Though my mom told me in the car that my vision and thoughts were my own. Many denied Christ and his disciples and their teachings(Granted I never told my mom I literally plan on burning myself alive). I know what must be done to save as many souls as possible even if it means I must make a small sacrifice such as my life.