Discussion the world is so cruel

[resteasy3232]

i've spent most of my time on the internet for as long as i can remember. ever since i was a kid, i've been online, and over the years, i've ended up hurting others in ways i regret. i got drawn into it when i was younger, and it just became a big part of my life. looking back, i can see how much time i've spent here, and how it's shaped me, for better or worse.

i was really fascinated by the internet at first, but over time, i ended up diving into the darker parts of it. as i spent more time there, it started changing me, shaping the way i think and how i see things. the longer i stayed in those spaces, the harder it became to turn back.

i wish i could go back to when i was younger and stay away from the internet altogether. i'm not diagnosed with anything, but i know something's not right. i have my struggles, but it's hard to talk about them, especially to my parents. they don't really understand, and it feels like it would just make everything more complicated.

my parents don't really get mental illness. they think it's all made up, like the idea of mental health struggles isn't real. it's hard because they just don't understand what it's like to feel this way.

i don't really know why i feel this way, so suicidal, but my life just feels really boring. i haven't done much at all in the past five years, and it feels like i'm stuck in the same place, not getting anywhere.

i don't know how to do much on my own. i don't feel very smart, and it feels like all that's happened in my life is just pain. it's hard to see beyond that.

since my childhood wasn't that bad, whenever i think about ctb, the only thing i feel is how my parents would react if i were gone. to them, i'm fine—they don't see any signs of mental illness—but what goes through my head is really dark and overwhelming. it's hard to make them understand what i'm going through.

it feels like the world hurts the kindest people. i don't understand why people who haven't done anything wrong have to suffer, and i don't get death at all. i just hate everything about it. i've lost so many people who were close to me, and recently, it's been harder than ever. i feel like if things don't get better in the next four years, i won't be able to keep going.

i don't understand why something like this would happen to my girlfriend. why would it take my girlfriend away from me? why would 'god' allow someone like her—someone who has never harmed anyone, to go through so much pain? to be hurt, manipulated by horrible people online. she didn't deserve that, and it feels so unfair. why do the sweetest, kindest people have to go through the worst things? it just doesn't make sense.

the world feels harsh, and all i can see is it getting worse in the years ahead. it feels like there's no one who can change anything, and i just hope i won't be here for long.

i finally felt ready for a relationship, and i found a girl who was unlike anyone i've ever met. she was so different from anyone i've talked to in all my years, so why would god take her away from me? is it even fair to blame god for this? i don't know anymore.

i can't wait to see her again one day. i wish i didn't have to make her wait for so long. i just hope she's safe, wherever she is.

 

[Worndown]

The internet can lead us astray. It can allow the worst there is in us to grow.
It provides us instant gratification and can be a place from which a quiet voice can be heard around the world.
Here, it is a place where those whos hope has faded can meet. The upside is many find new or better methods of coping with whatever troubles them.
The sad part is that some do not. They are beyond anyones reach. They look for the best end, not ending.
You mentioned you do believe you are alright. Something is wrong. I do not know your age or situation, but have you or can you reach out for some help? A school of university should have the ability to give some direction toward help. It may not always be kept from your parents. They do not sound helpful or likely to support any rest help for you.
That is one common reason why people are here, family.
If you are interested in pursuing help, ask here. There is more here than death.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I agree that the world is especially harsh right now. Not only are people angry but they're being told it's okay to take their anger out of easy targets. It's terrible. I can only hope that it doesn't last.