Resource Therapist that has been there ....

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I'm always trawling the interwebs for info about my internal disarray ...

" Depression BPD ,BPD , CPTSD , jargon , label label ..."

I got something I could relate to and have a few links ...

The first is a paper about depression that seems to question some accepted narratives ... ( I think anyway .)

View of Subjective Darkness: Depression as a Disintegration of Meaning in the Core Narrative | Narrative Works

journals.lib.unb.ca

The other one is a link to another paper by the same author , critical of mainstream therapy (PDF warning )
( something which I thought a lot of us can relate to ... )

https://www.fromm-gesellschaft.eu/images/pdf-Dateien/Friedson_M_L_2019.pdf

A quote from the second link is this :

"My experience has led me to believe that psychiatric institutions of mental health—specifically state and governmentally run hospitals in the United States who endorse the latest »golden standard« of »evidence-based treatment«—serve as prisons run by deathkeepers. "


'Deathkeepers' ... wow .

On further surfing I found the author has a book out , ( 2017 publication : Amazon product ASIN 1442258195 )

(I've downloaded a copy from https://b-ok.cc/ but thats my moral hazard I guess. )


(What really switched me on was that Dr.Meredith Friedson also published a paper about my niche neurosis - Religious Fundamentalism ...
So I may have subjectively over reacted ... as I'm always grateful for this area to be taken seriously .)

Now I've gushingly recommended it all I guess I'd better read them myself !

 

[GreyMonkey]

Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

Pete Walker M.A., MFT Therapy for and recovery from childhood trauma, abuse and/or neglect, in the East Bay

pete-walker.com

Another view on depression that Super hits home for me - stemming from a core of abandonment.

What is NARM? – NARM Training Institute

narmtraining.com

The best therapeutic modality I've found.

40 Features of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment

40 Features of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment

m.huffpost.com

Another view on some of the distress I feel that hits home.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

@GreyMonkey , Thanks for the resources ! I've got a lot out of your comments for a while now .

( The whole attachment trauma is something I never really got a grip on , but it rings true . )

 

[GreyMonkey]

@GreyMonkey , Thanks for the resources ! I've got a lot out of your comments for a while now .

( The whole attachment trauma is something I never really got a grip on , but it rings true . )

Thanks I appreciate that.

I've been on such a ride lately... some days I'm here all inspired trying to share some positive way as I see a glimmer of hope, then other days I'm actively wishing I could die and I watch the forum envious of those who post goodbye threads because all the methods seem too hard for me and if I'm honest I'm also way too scared to go through with it.

I've been living in hell for months and I'm also doing the work. I have an amazing therapist and she is helping me get through it. I have a ways to go yet and this has been the most intense time of my life - but really it's actually been a ripping off of all the band-aids I had used to hide from my childhood pain and I no longer have any way to avoid it and so it's been hitting me full force and brought me to my knees and come so close to killing me.

I actually think all mental health issues are attachment trauma. All self-sabotage behaviour. All negative self-dialogue. All addiction. It all comes down to developmental trauma, aka attachment trauma. The only exceptions are acute PTSD symptoms like being in a war, witnessing murder, being raped as an adult, animal attack, etc...

It just happens to be a biological flaw in the human make-up that we are so utterly dependent as children and any impairment to that dependency results in trauma because without care from the adults we would die as children - the summary is that as we are unable as a child to conceive of our caregivers failing us, we believe we are the failure... and then we develop all kinds of strange survival strategies to deal with that pain that then haunt us as adults.

As we move to a more enlightened society I think this will become widespread understanding and much more effort will be expended on supporting children with the understanding that a brilliant society requires the utmost care for it's children.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I actually think all mental health issues are attachment trauma. All self-sabotage behaviour. All negative self-dialogue. All addiction. It all comes down to developmental trauma, aka attachment trauma. The only exceptions are acute PTSD symptoms like being in a war, witnessing murder, being raped as an adult, animal attack, etc...

It just happens to be a biological flaw in the human make-up that we are so utterly dependent as children and any impairment to that dependency results in trauma because without care from the adults we would die as children - the summary is that as we are unable as a child to conceive of our caregivers failing us, we believe we are the failure... and then we develop all kinds of strange survival strategies to deal with that pain that then haunt us as adults.

As we move to a more enlightened society I think this will become widespread understanding and much more effort will be expended on supporting children with the understanding that a brilliant society requires the utmost care for it's children.

I totally relate , about the swing from enthusiastic helpful sharing to giving it all away .

I connected with the idea of 'mirroring' , and it seems we do absorb behaviors aswell as ( as you say ):

"we develop all kinds of strange survival strategies to deal with that pain".

I get a lot out of reading / listening to therapists 'mental health specialists' that have 'been there' ...
- to have the courage to share their past / present anguish is a comfort , and legitimises their views.

For a long time I have been swayed towards mindfulness ( now a cliche ) , but I was put off it because of the
religious overtones .
I listened to a podcast the other day by John Yates aka Culadasa ...
(https://deconstructingyourself.com/podcast/culadasa-on-meditation-and-therapy)
I transcribed a section myself as it seemed really important ...

( I'll copy and paste the relevant section from the website transcription though : https://deconstructingyourself.com/transcript-culadasa-on-meditation-and-therapy.html )

"...and that night, I just had this epiphany. It's like, I've got in touch with a buried personality. It was a very simplistic one. It was a childish one. And it was between the ages of five years old and fifteen years old. And it had a very simple emotional repertoire of fear, sadness, and anger. Having been with a person with really overt multiple personalities that I had interacted with, it allowed me to put all these little bits and pieces into a coherent picture, that, okay, there's this being inside of me that is trapped as a child/early adolescent, and whose predominant experience of life is fear and sadness and then eruptions of anger. I could see that having happened over and over again in my life, really clear picture emerged. And then that led me to seeing another aspect of my personality, a simpler one, a more mature one, but it was an aspect of my personality that was essentially trying to compensate for the harm that I had caused in my explosive dissociations from these situations in the past, starting with leaving my family. So I was very driven to accomplish things, to do things that were of benefit to others, so on and so forth."

I liked the whole idea of 'unheard' personalities buried in ourselves ... that can stay there doing harm , out of sight .
"Personalities" from our childhood.
I'm not pushing a point of view , it's just something that resonated with me personally ... and the idea of a 'master meditator' advocating therapy was inspiring .
Goodonya for doing the work and good luck with it .



"As we move to a more enlightened society I think this will become widespread understanding and much more effort will be expended on supporting children with the understanding that a brilliant society requires the utmost care for it's children."

Amen to that .

 

[GreyMonkey]

Goodonya for doing the work and good luck with it .

You Australian?

 

[Misanthrope]

Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

Pete Walker M.A., MFT Therapy for and recovery from childhood trauma, abuse and/or neglect, in the East Bay

pete-walker.com

Another view on depression that Super hits home for me - stemming from a core of abandonment.

What is NARM? – NARM Training Institute

narmtraining.com

The best therapeutic modality I've found.

40 Features of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment

40 Features of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment

m.huffpost.com

Another view on some of the distress I feel that hits home.

I too value your posts. You put forward some very good information and I am grateful for that.

 

[noaccount]

Thank you for gathering all this info here. Here's a related article about Madness narratives by Clementine Morrigan (https://clementinemorrigan.com/)
Failure to Comply: Madness and/as Testimony. Canadian Journal of Disability Studies, 2017

View of Failure to Comply: Madness and/as Testimony

 

[MeltingHeart]

Thanks I appreciate that.

I've been on such a ride lately... some days I'm here all inspired trying to share some positive way as I see a glimmer of hope, then other days I'm actively wishing I could die and I watch the forum envious of those who post goodbye threads because all the methods seem too hard for me and if I'm honest I'm also way too scared to go through with it.

I've been living in hell for months and I'm also doing the work. I have an amazing therapist and she is helping me get through it. I have a ways to go yet and this has been the most intense time of my life - but really it's actually been a ripping off of all the band-aids I had used to hide from my childhood pain and I no longer have any way to avoid it and so it's been hitting me full force and brought me to my knees and come so close to killing me.

I actually think all mental health issues are attachment trauma. All self-sabotage behaviour. All negative self-dialogue. All addiction. It all comes down to developmental trauma, aka attachment trauma. The only exceptions are acute PTSD symptoms like being in a war, witnessing murder, being raped as an adult, animal attack, etc...

It just happens to be a biological flaw in the human make-up that we are so utterly dependent as children and any impairment to that dependency results in trauma because without care from the adults we would die as children - the summary is that as we are unable as a child to conceive of our caregivers failing us, we believe we are the failure... and then we develop all kinds of strange survival strategies to deal with that pain that then haunt us as adults.

As we move to a more enlightened society I think this will become widespread understanding and much more effort will be expended on supporting children with the understanding that a brilliant society requires the utmost care for it's children.

Childhood lays down the foundations for ...well everything ahead! The damage that can be done during this time can be profound & as such can not be overstated.