Therapy is hard

[lovedread]

Therapy is literally too hard. Just had a session where I decided to be honest and actually talk and i feel embarrassed and anxious i want to forget about the whole thing. Its just way too difficult. Im better off talking to myself. I dont think im gonna show up again this was too hard. I feel stupid.

Can ppl w avoidant tendencies relate? Or anyone at all?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What's specifically causing those feelings of shame and anxiety?

You're not stupid for having the guts to be open and for struggling with something that was never supposed to be easy.

Did you find it ever helpful before this past session?

It's okay to not be ready for it. It's okay to take some time to refocus yourself. Just be careful about jettisoning it all prematurely.

 

[lovedread]

What's specifically causing those feelings of shame and anxiety?

You're not stupid for having the guts to be open and for struggling with something that was never supposed to be easy.

Did you find it ever helpful before this past session?

It's okay to not be ready for it. It's okay to take some time to refocus yourself. Just be careful about jettisoning it all prematurely.

I think i have avpd but basically I feel stupid any time I have to open up/feel misunderstood. My first ever therapist was good, she was super nice and I felt it was helpful. Thats when therapy was more novel to me. Now it's different and it feels overwhelming and unsafe to be honest in front of others. I feel judged.

 

[hot]

Iam always scared that iam going to say to much to my therapists.

 

[FadingPossum]

Honestly it took me so long to find a therapist and a method of therapy that worked for me.

It turns out that being a psychology enthusiast makes talk therapy and CBT really difficult because therapists tend to go into that thinking that you don't know why you're feeling the way you are but if you have studied psychology extensively then you know why you're doing the things you are doing and you're doing them anyways which is even more frustrating. I always joke around that I know too much but it's a legitimate problem that makes working on my issues really difficult.

In the end what ended up working was finding a subclinical group to do therapy in. I had always been interested in group therapy, but could never find somebody who actually ran groups until I just happened to come across the practice I use on Facebook of all places. I've been there for 2 years now and it has honestly made all the difference in the world for me.

For me I am very ADHD and very forgetful so some of the sessions I don't even have anything to say. HOWEVER. Because it is group therapy there are other people in the group who can go before me and just by having all of us in this group trusting each other and spilling our guts every month we all feel perfectly capable of talking about really anything and as a result there is more support than just the therapist.

When I'm taking my turn and talking the other members are in the chat throwing out empathetic messages and cheering me on and I do the same for them when it's their turn.

It's overall just been incredible for me and I would highly recommend people look for group therapy if they find that one-on-one is been awkward or difficult to get into. It just really helps to be able to take a brain break when you're talking and let somebody else go for a little bit. It also helps when you finally find that therapist who messes with your personality and is able to be friendly and empathetic with you even when you're talking about things that are really serious.

There have been points where I've straight up asked my therapist to either validate me or tell me I'm being dumb when I throw out a SituationTM and she absolutely will. Its just the best.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

Therapy is literally too hard. Just had a session where I decided to be honest and actually talk and i feel embarrassed and anxious i want to forget about the whole thing. Its just way too difficult. Im better off talking to myself. I dont think im gonna show up again this was too hard. I feel stupid.

Can ppl w avoidant tendencies relate? Or anyone at all?

That's kind of how it goes, to be honest. It feels unintuitive because the commonly-held idea of therapy is that it will make you feel good or better, and that is the end goal, but the process can be bloody painful. You leave some sessions feeling better, lighter; other sessions leave you exhausted, drained, and miserable. Those sessions are quite important.

In therapy, we try to figure out the root causes of our suffering. And then we deal with those things. As you can imagine, those things tend to be painful, unpleasant, difficult to deal with; if they weren't so, we would've dealt with them long ago, without therapy, and they wouldn't be causing us pain in the present. Those painful things have been repressed for months or years, and they keep coming up day after day, making us re-live the pain over and over. We need to address them head-on, deal with the pain intentionally and with purpose, to be rid of it so that we can move on with our lives.

Feeling stupid, ashamed, even judged is quite a normal experience, especially if you're new to being in therapy. But this is usually not the case in reality—it is often the case that the judgment comes from ourselves, from the part of us that is afraid of facing things head-on, and tries to come up with reasons to avoid doing so. Therapists are not there to judge, to pity, to mock. It's far from a lucrative line of work, especially if the therapist takes insurance, so it's likely that the person across you is there because they actually have a desire to help. (There are exceptions, of course, and some therapists are grotesquely incompetent, but I'd argue those exceptions should be handled if and when they're relevant—i.e. if your therapist is shit, it's better to move on, but general suspicion is, in my opinion, counterproductive).

If any part of you wants to give recovery a try, I believe pushing through the difficult and painful feelings could be worth it. You're not alone, therapy can be hard, almost unbearable at times, but that's a reflection of the true, unbearably heavy burden you've been carrying.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you strength and peace.

 

[tankapi]

What you're feeling is totally normal. Some people go to therapy sessions for months before feeling safe enough to say anything that matters.

 

[Sulyya]

It's been a little over a year for me now with the same therapist. Very kind and not pushy but really I haven't made progress and I'm almost out of benefits Insurance for it already so will have to stop probably. I'll try with AI maybe.

Really appreciate your post @FadingPossum as I'm starting an in-person group in a couple weeks. I'll try to give it a chance.

 

[ImTelling]

Therapy is literally too hard. Just had a session where I decided to be honest and actually talk and i feel embarrassed and anxious i want to forget about the whole thing. Its just way too difficult. Im better off talking to myself. I dont think im gonna show up again this was too hard. I feel stupid.

Can ppl w avoidant tendencies relate? Or anyone at all?

Fuck therapy! Be your own therapist! Your mind is yours to control and look after!