They never said sorry (nsfw warning, sa)

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I'm just thinking about all the painful moments in my life I look back on, and the people involved never really apologized.

I live in an adult group home because I would have trouble being on my own because of my Autism. Plenty have times my roommate has spoken ill of me to the staff and does not turn around and say sorry to me for doing it for absolutely no reason. One time I went to my staff because I was highly distressed and I opened up about being groomed by an older man (28 and I was 15) and how I wasn't sure if I was raped. They didn't have to say anything, I didn't ask them, I was expressing confusion. Instead they said, "because you said yes it was not rape." not understanding it's more nuanced than that, and breaking my heart at the same time. They saw how I reacted, how I started crying and broke down. Yet still, from that day, they have never said sorry at all. My program supervisor also yelled at me during the stress of this time, and never said sorry at all and when I asked for an apology he said, "I'm not going to apologize."

Recently I just got in touch with my abusive mom (about a year ago), because I was Christian and thought that meant holding the fort together for family. One day on the phone she went off on me, because my autism was causing me to be rigid about how I allocated my personal funds and if I had enough to buy her a lettuce head and a tomato on my way to her. She called me stupid over and over and never apologized to me since that day.

My step dad, who was there when I was being groomed as a 15 year old, never apologized to me about and said sorry. He has been ignoring me for the past year.

I don't understand, are people just naturally this shitty? Do you guys experience this with the people In your life? This adds fuel to the fire of CTB for me.
Because at least when I am dead all this won't matter. I'll forget about it like it never existed.

 

[smpkie]

Oh my God I can't even explain how sorry I am to hear this.. The people around you shouldn't turn their backs like this on you. People are trying their hardest to make the only good souls around them feel miserable. Humanity is truly a disaster. I hate seeing people struggle like this. I hate groomers with the entirety of my heart. You deserve so much better and I wish you luck in the future, no matter what decision you wish to take. Please take care <3

 

[eike2838]

I'm very sorry for what happened to you. I have experienced many occasions where people are very selfish and self-centered and I guess because of my autism I don't understand them. I think there are few people who are not like that but are still very egocentric. However, I do believe that out of many, there are usually at least a few truly good people.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I'm very sorry for what happened to you. I have experienced many occasions where people are very selfish and self-centered and I guess because of my autism I don't understand them. I think there are few people who are not like that but are still very egocentric. However, I do believe that out of many, there are usually at least a few truly good people.

My autism makes it super hard for me to understand people, so I get what you're saying. It's hard for me to find the few good people you talk about, actually there's 1 staff who works here and she reminds me of those people. So there's that.

 

[33-vertebrae]

Those staff members were totally out of line - were they even mental health specialists?

It must be incredibly frustrating and disheartening to constantly be treated this way and have your feelings dismissed.

One thing I've realized is that you can't expect anyone to apologize; the only thing you can control is your own response to other people's words and actions.

People (especially narcissists) generally are not going to acknowledge their wrongdoings, so it's just an exhausting losing battle.

It also always seems as though the worst possible people end up working in environments that require a lot of patience and empathy (such as your group home).

Last thing: forgiving someone doesn't mean that you have to continue to interact with them; you can forgive your mother from a distance and not subject yourself to her abuse.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

Those staff members were totally out of line - were they even mental health specialists?

It must be incredibly frustrating and disheartening to constantly be treated this way and have your feelings dismissed.

One thing I've realized is that you can't expect anyone to apologize; the only thing you can control is your own response to other people's words and actions.

People (especially narcissists) generally are not going to acknowledge their wrongdoings, so it's just an exhausting losing battle.

It also always seems as though the worst possible people end up working in environments that require a lot of patience and empathy (such as your group home).

Last thing: forgiving someone doesn't mean that you have to continue to interact with them; you can forgive your mother from a distance and not subject yourself to her abuse.

No, the staff aren't mental health specialists at all. They just come in, give us our meds, and scroll on their phone all day. And if we need them they are there. I honestly tend to think she thought she was giving a good answer, to help me maybe? But she knew the impact it had and never cared to correct herself, even after the program supervisor confirmed a 28 yr old having sex with a 14 yr old is basically statutory rape. It was pretty traumatic for me.

It's sad that people don't apologize for their actions, because they won't acknowledge their own wrongdoings. I say sorry all the damn time, and I believe it's important to. And yea the worst possible people work these jobs because they have a lot and I mean a lot of downtime.

I just can't forgive my mum easily, it hurts too much, it feels like I'm accepting what she did.