Help Things got so much worse physically today. Any empathy appreciated.

[trs]

Things got so much worse physically today. I'm trying to hang on to one of the only certainties in life that death comes for everyone at some point because I simply cannot take the endless physical suffering. (I wish it would just come sooner for me. I just can't take any suffering, it's horrific and it's too much for me to continue to bear.). I don't want to kill myself, it's not what I choose, but I just can't take anymore, it's too much for this human to endure day after day. And Things got so much worse today. I've tried to hang on to whatever I had left, but more keeps getting destroyed daily. So much pain. I'd appreciate any empathy you can pass on.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. I, too, have chronic pain issues and it sucks. I can never plan anything because I literally have no way of knowing what my day is gonna be like. I can wake up "good" and a half hour later be wanting to eat a bullet. Or it can be the other way around -- I can open my eyes and immediately cuss the life I have and then an hour later be able to do what needs to get done and then some. It's a strange way to exist and most people do not understand how much pain can affect your day-to-day existence.

 

[-Link-]

@trs @CatLvr -- What you're going through sounds absolutely horrible and I wish things could be better for you. While I don't personally know how it feels to experience this, a couple people in my inner circle do suffer terrible day-to-day chronic pain, and I see the suffering they go through even if all they're doing is "existing", let alone attempting activities of daily living.

I wish for you to find some kind of relief or alleviating of your suffering. If that is not possible, then I am at a loss as to what to say. I do sympathize and empathize with you as best I can.

 

[trs]

I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. I, too, have chronic pain issues and it sucks. I can never plan anything because I literally have no way of knowing what my day is gonna be like. I can wake up "good" and a half hour later be wanting to eat a bullet. Or it can be the other way around -- I can open my eyes and immediately cuss the life I have and then an hour later be able to do what needs to get done and then some. It's a strange way to exist and most people do not understand how much pain can affect your day-to-day existence.

Severe degenerative illness is a very abnormal way to experience life. In my case my physical deterioration is happening very rapidly now (I use the word pain to describe any aspect of intolerable physical suffering, as it is otherwise to complicated for me to try to parse further), for several months, and I've stopped being able to do anything any longer for some time; this is what brought me to this site and for finding a way to end my life. I just couldn't experience rapidly wasting away like I was and am, it was too much further suffering, but it really did not work out for me to take my life, as it was causing even further pain and suffering to go forward. I hoped maybe my situation would slow or something else might occur, but the deterioration is happening even more significantly and I'm loosing much more of myself daily. And I noticed my body started shutting down significantly further the last couple of days, I came to the deepest collapse today I've ever experienced. All my strength is just about gone now.

 

[Amarajoy]

Severe degenerative illness is a very abnormal way to experience life. In my case my physical deterioration is happening very rapidly now (I use the word pain to describe any aspect of intolerable physical suffering, as it is otherwise to complicated for me to try to parse further), for several months, and I've stopped being able to do anything any longer for some time; this is what brought me to this site and for finding a way to end my life. I just couldn't experience rapidly wasting away like I was and am, it was too much further suffering, but it really did not work out for me to take my life, as it was causing even further pain and suffering to go forward. I hoped maybe my situation would slow or something else might occur, but the deterioration is happening even more significantly and I'm loosing much more of myself daily. And I noticed my body started shutting down significantly further the last couple of days, I came to the deepest collapse today I've ever experienced. All my strength is just about gone now.

I'm so sorry you are suffering like this. I can relate. It's also what brought me here. I could not imagine prior to my illness just how much the human body could make a person suffer.

I read about methods in here and get terrified. Especially methods like sn, described as "painless", yet the symptoms of difficulty breathing, tachycardia and anxiety and perpetual doom and feeling like I'm dying haunt me daily. I have medical PTSD from my illness; clinically diagnosed. So experiencing more of those same symptoms sends me into a panic.

And then I panic about not being able to leave here and staying trapped in this broken body and no one will help. They call themselves ethical and humane whilst I'm trapped in this body and cannot be released compassionately and humanely.

I suffer from paralyzing terror now. Sorry to hijack your post in a way, I guess, but it's also somewhat of a relief to meet someone who gets it, even though i hate the thought of anyone suffering like this. I hope you find peace.

 

[invalidrev]

Can absolutely relate to your situation. I am in pretty much the same situation. I developed degenerative progressive joint disease last year out of nowhere, in various joints in my body. Even walking a few steps is very painful for me now. I used to be the most active person amongst the people I knew. Now I have become this wreck whom everyone pities. Never had imagined life would get so low. On top of that a month ago I lost the only person who has mattered to me in this whole life. That is what brought me to this site. I am considering Pegasus, reading about it bow. But even if they accept me, have major hurdles to cross, like I would need a visa to get there, how to travel there in my condition, etc (will probably make another separate post to ask for advice on those).

I pray that all of us in pain get a means to a peaceful and quick end.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

I have a chronic condition that affects my quality of life, makes me live in constant pain, and is only getting worse. I also think of Pegasos. You have my most sincere sympathy.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. You don't deserve to suffer like that. I hope you can find a little peace today.

 

[Praying 4 a Miracle]

I can also relate and empathize with everything you are going through! One thought that gives me some peace, is that when you look at the big picture, out time on this Earth, even if we live to be 100, is like the blink of an eye compared to eternity. I'm 59, and so basically three quarters way through natural human lifespan. It goes by fast, and will seem like just a blip in time in the end.

None of us know for sure what happens in the afterlife (or if there is one) but I personally do believe in God and heaven. The thought of eternity living in heaven with him keeps me going. It makes the pain much more tolerable. Not trying to preach, just sharing what works for me.

I hope this helps, and you find peace with less suffering.