Story This is my first one posting in recovery.

[Livingvsdying25]

TW: This is long as fuck some rants and a lot of explaining...
I kinda feel a lil ashamed but this site is the first time I've felt open support in a long long time...
I'm using a phone I'm unfamiliar with and shitty nails plus auto correct. Not spellcchecking my written English sucks so excuse the writing.
Also I really just wanted to share some of my story's again with all of you... so plz feel free to comment :/ ask questions.. fix my English lmao anything.

(I also don't really expect anyone to read this all I just really wanted to and could get it out rn)


I am still unsure if I want recovery. Naturally I am a fighter. I can honestly say I have myself away to every chance at life...

It's weird and maybe wrong to post here bc I'm just getting to a point where... actually been at this point for awhile...

I'm just so done. Just so empty I could be anything,. A dead girl or am alive women....

But I can honestly say that before I die I want to experience genuine, not a desperate attempt to feel something.., I want to experience a good part of life..

Hmm I dunno I'm so done I just wanna experience something good then go...
Maybe should've posted this m the other forum category...

I don't want to go on and I can honestly say I tried I just wanna have some fun. Not lose like every time



RANT:
TMI & random butttt like a week ago dumb me went to someone place lostt my phone WHILE IT RIGHT IN THE ROOM PLAYING MYYY MUSIC...
Didn't want to get into sex so quick somehow put it somewhere (obv he hid it)

he calls the policetelling them I left my phone at the bar and high and crazy... greaaattt police have been called on me by my mom and workers and just awful..,

police can't find it and obv they have to take me out. So while my ducking music from my phone WITH MY NEW WALLETCASE
Lost my: health card / Sin card/ transportation card / bank card...

But yeah kno as usual I just gotta a swallow it and move on.
My health card is on the wa (I'm proud I went to get it)
I went one got a new bank card
I remember my SIN card soo
Got a new bus pass but needa get the one with a discount again.,,

As usual police don't care soo gave me a card I might not grave admires daytoLtd me to call or wsyrver

already dealing with one case can't be bothered butI posted shit onfb which probe just made me look worse. My cousin saw and told myDad and tOld my mom.
Didn't talk to me about it...

I cannot stand having to be invisible...

Money is a problem m and I'm being irresponsible hoping I can work it out somehow,..

It's hard to feel these days but I'm soooo excited so my place my room is nice the house the people I'm curios..
Wish ovoids snare this excitement wth someone but just kinda broke it off with my "best friends" tired of old and distant shit tbh.
Ik I deserve to be loved fully and yeah I'll work on myself but I absolutely deserve to be Satisfied...

I just wish I had people proud of me instead of just worried or like just thinking ima fail...

After this place I am hoping to get my own PERMIT place..... I am filling out applications...

I AM TRYING WHILE DYING AND ITS TIRING.

 

[so tired or manic]

welcome to recovery! that sounds pretty terrible. I've had to switch phones to a super shitty one for a while after my abusive ex was the reason I lost my phone account. the 'don't worry, I'll pay!' and I couldn't afford the bill on my own until it got cancelled. anyway, I hope things start looking up.

congrats on the new place!

 

[Livingvsdying25]

TW: This is long as fuck some rants and a lot of explaining...
I kinda feel a lil ashamed but this site is the first time I've felt open support in a long long time...
I'm using a phone I'm unfamiliar with and shitty nails plus auto correct. Not spellcchecking my written English sucks so excuse the writing.
Also I really just wanted to share some of my story's again with all of you... so plz feel free to comment :/ ask questions.. fix my English lmao anything.

(I also don't really expect anyone to read this all I just really wanted to and could get it out rn)


I am still unsure if I want recovery. Naturally I am a fighter. I can honestly say I have myself away to every chance at life...

It's weird and maybe wrong to post here bc I'm just getting to a point where... actually been at this point for awhile...

I'm just so done. Just so empty I could be anything,. A dead girl or am alive women....

But I can honestly say that before I die I want to experience genuine, not a desperate attempt to feel something.., I want to experience a good part of life..

Hmm I dunno I'm so done I just wanna experience something good then go...
Maybe should've posted this m the other forum category...

I don't want to go on and I can honestly say I tried I just wanna have some fun. Not lose like every time



RANT:
TMI & random butttt like a week ago dumb me went to someone place lostt my phone WHILE IT RIGHT IN THE ROOM PLAYING MYYY MUSIC...
Didn't want to get into sex so quick somehow put it somewhere (obv he hid it)

he calls the policetelling them I left my phone at the bar and high and crazy... greaaattt police have been called on me by my mom and workers and just awful..,

police can't find it and obv they have to take me out. So while my ducking music from my phone WITH MY NEW WALLETCASE
Lost my: health card / Sin card/ transportation card / bank card...

But yeah kno as usual I just gotta a swallow it and move on.
My health card is on the wa (I'm proud I went to get it)
I went one got a new bank card
I remember my SIN card soo
Got a new bus pass but needa get the one with a discount again.,,

As usual police don't care soo gave me a card I might not grave admires daytoLtd me to call or wsyrver

already dealing with one case can't be bothered butI posted shit onfb which probe just made me look worse. My cousin saw and told myDad and tOld my mom.
Didn't talk to me about it...

I cannot stand having to be invisible...

Money is a problem m and I'm being irresponsible hoping I can work it out somehow,..

It's hard to feel these days but I'm soooo excited so my place my room is nice the house the people I'm curios..
Wish ovoids snare this excitement wth someone but just kinda broke it off with my "best friends" tired of old and distant shit tbh.
Ik I deserve to be loved fully and yeah I'll work on myself but I absolutely deserve to be Satisfied...

I just wish I had people proud of me instead of just worried or like just thinking ima fail...

After this place I am hoping to get my own PERMIT place..... I am filling out applications...

I AM TRYING WHILE DYING AND ITS TIRING.

Lmaoooo the spelling in this was horrible and I will fix it maybe one day.

gonna start making longer posts on the computer I can't stand typing on my phone