this is weird: i'm actually starting to appreciate my bad days, because they make me know for sure i will catch the bus soon

[SufferingInDenmark]

like, sometimes you have less bad days... where some of the suicidal thoughts might almost disappear.
once in a while.
i have days like that, maybe once every 3 months or something.
but now i'm actually starting to appreciate my VERY bad days, because they make me know for sure that soon it will all be over.
because i know i can't keep living like this.

it's a very weird mix of emotions... like, it's bad, but it's good.
it's like a rollercoaster, i can't even fully explain it, man...

 

[white_car]

I hear you... I hate existence, but at least I'm not under any illusions about its nature... Which is good in a sense.

 

[sambrosia]

Haha, this gave me some nice new perspective. I'm going to try and think of this when I have a bad day. Thank you! today while drifting off just a bit earlier I tried to imagine it being drifting off to death, to kind of prepare myself for when I eventually use carbon or sn to go out. It still feels heavy.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do this too. I like to feel confident in the big decisions that I make in life. So every shitty thing that frustrates, upsets or pains me reaffirms my reasoning that I do in fact, truly want out. In that way, I try to see the positive! A tutor once tried to console those of us who had really struggled with a project. They said- even though it may have been difficult and unpleasant, we had gained knowledge. Even if it was the knowledge that we never wanted to do something like that again! That's how I feel about life. Each subsequent day here reminds me how much I don't want to be here!

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yeah I can use horrible things that happen to me as fuel to get me the courage to get out of this hell

What's dangerous to me are distractions like youtube social media news etc that make me forget how horrible my situation is and how I need to to get out of here and I don't have time to waste

 

[idk3]

At some point almost every day or night I usually end up sitting on the edge of my bed with my face buried in my hands feeling unbearably bad, but sometimes I get this incredibly clear thought that it could all just end so quick with a simple pull of a trigger or something like this, and it calms me in a way.