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R. A.

R. A.

But...the future refused to change.
Aug 8, 2022
1,055
Tongue in cheek title.
I don't post to the public forum anymore because I don't want shit I write scraped by researchers' data mining tools or ignored read by disingenuous journalists, but I figure this is one of few things that should be available for either nefarious purpose. Note I'm not posting this in recovery cause I firmly have not and this site doesn't stop the drive to die. Only real-life circumstances changing could do that.

This is nothing new; people post all the time here about things like this. So I'm just adding my version. The ability to scream into the void is in itself therapeutic. When I'm having an episode, exorcising that agony within helps - obviously; look at all the people doing the same. Doing so in a way that isn't a physical book that might be found and used by authorities to incarcerate me in a "hospital" is all the better. Better still that I might also be able to get some kind of response, feedback, validation or whatever from others who get it.

Or, I can float around reading others' accounts; a lot is too intense for me to handle, but the stuff I can gives me a "pacifying" (to stretch the use of the word) sense that I am not alone - sometime I feel bad for feeling so bad knowing how much worse it could (and will likely eventually) be, but sometimes that is more comfortable than being in the depths of despair. Sometimes it does give me the most minor of boosts but very rarely.

For any future NYTers or fixers or Tantacruls reading this: consider that this is most likely the case for most people here. Recognize that if you care so much about people not dying, this site has almost certainly kept more people alive, at least for significant lengths of time, than it has killed them. Most of the info here on methods exists elsewhere on the internet. Reflect on what drives people here and to this state of mind in the first place. School yourself on fucking harm reduction for fuck's sake.

For other members: thanks, sorry, wishing you well.
 
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Cauliflour

Cauliflour

The masochist who doodles.
Mar 24, 2025
365
It's funny how the spooky suicide forum is probably one of the highest factors of suicidal recovery in the modern day. Like, I was thinking about intentionally burning myself for the hell of it the other day but I didn't know how so when I asked for advice here, I was met with a whole lot of "no are you stupid you'll get infections and die, here's the details of why it sucks just stick to cutting" so now I don't feel like doing it. I think if I told a therapist or a family member that I wanted to burn myself I think their shallow words would make me want to do it more just to spite them.

This website is also great for perfectionists who like to torture their characters in their written work but want the suicide, depression and self harm to be accurate.
 
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whenwillthepainstop

whenwillthepainstop

Member
Aug 5, 2025
94
It's funny how the spooky suicide forum is probably one of the highest factors of suicidal recovery in the modern day. Like, I was thinking about intentionally burning myself for the hell of it the other day but I didn't know how so when I asked for advice here, I was met with a whole lot of "no are you stupid you'll get infections and die, here's the details of why it sucks just stick to cutting" so now I don't feel like doing it. I think if I told a therapist or a family member that I wanted to burn myself I think their shallow words would make me want to do it more just to spite them.

This website is also great for perfectionists who like to torture their characters in their written work but want the suicide, depression and self harm to be accurate.
Yesss I'm so glad someone else feels the same. People demonize this site so much but honestly it's helped me more than hurt.
 
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Cauliflour

Cauliflour

The masochist who doodles.
Mar 24, 2025
365
Yesss I'm so glad someone else feels the same. People demonize this site so much but honestly it's helped me more than hurt.
Thanks to good ol autism I see things differently to normal people and a lot of normal people talk is very shallow and insincere to me. I want the facts, no bullshit, no sugarcoating or demonising, just the truth of whatever reality I'm asking about. This site is a god send for that as most people don't speak in bullshit. In fact, I've seen quite a few posts from autistic people on here (as in about having autism) so I imagine a good number are on a similar wavelength to me which also helps. Nice to know how my disability could be so much worse just with a few different paths taken but I think I'm getting off topic.

In fact, I made a drawing for a very similar post about 2 weeks ago:
Depths
 
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Unknown21

Unknown21

The past never dies.
Apr 25, 2023
1,136
Same thing, I could have been dead since November 2023.
 
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whenwillthepainstop

whenwillthepainstop

Member
Aug 5, 2025
94
Thanks to good ol autism I see things differently to normal people and a lot of normal people talk is very shallow and insincere to me. I want the facts, no bullshit, no sugarcoating or demonising, just the truth of whatever reality I'm asking about. This site is a god send for that as most people don't speak in bullshit. In fact, I've seen quite a few posts from autistic people on here (as in about having autism) so I imagine a good number are on a similar wavelength to me which also helps. Nice to know how my disability could be so much worse just with a few different paths taken but I think I'm getting off topic.

In fact, I made a drawing for a very similar post about 2 weeks ago:
View attachment 174402
I like that people don't speak in bullshit here too.
 
pinstripe

pinstripe

Member
Jul 31, 2025
33
I think this site gives actual hope for ending it all for most people.

And that actual hope is an ironic lifeline. A promise of the pain ending gives something to hold onto even if it's the promise of it all being over.
 
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