mahakaliSS_MahaDurga
Visionary
- Apr 2, 2020
- 2,399
Over the course of my stay on this site, I have met many people and built a few very strong friendships that are a big source of support for me. Some say that I provided support for them too in their darkest hours, and that fills me with pride. At least I did something good and made a positive change for others.
Since I registered here, quite a few people have left the site, some moved on from it, some have died. It is hard to grieve for people we never met in real life, people we only occasionally chatted with. It is hard to picture them, what they were like, how they behaved in real life, what their experiences were like, since we never saw them. I do not think we are fully aware of the pain others are going through. Woxihuanni's death really hit me hard. While she was alive, I enjoyed reading her posts, she was unbelievably witty, brutally honest and sharp. To think about the abuse she went through at the hands of a man who she once believed loved her is painful. The fact that a highly educated, ambitious woman ended her life because she could not go on anymore is horrifying. I am deeply disturbed by this. Maybe I am naive, but the cruelty and indifference of the world and the people around us still manages to get to me, to catch me by surprise.
When Deafsn0w died I felt the same unease in my stomach that I feel now. I wish there was more I could have done for her. She was so young. To think that people lose hope and feel defeated by their past trauma is really sad. It comforts me that our deceased members at least had friends here, people who were with them until the end. Many people in our lives have no idea what we are going through, and strangers often offer us more love and compassion than those close to us ever did. Today, I was telling my father how my mother cried after he had his heart operation this Summer because she thought we'd lose him, and she started defending herself: "No, I did not cry, you are lying". That made me sad and explained quite a lot about me and why I am the way I am today. She was always this cold and ASHAMED of expressing any sort of emotion. Even now, when she is in her seventies. Imagine growing up with a mother like that. Imagine being married to a woman like that. But I digress. This thread is not about me.
Today I see only pain inside of me and around me. To think how betrayed we often are by the people who are closest to us really hurts. Even in death, our relatives will distort what we were like and what we were about, like fixthe26 people did with falloutcarter13 and others. In the end, we have no say in how we are going to be treated in life or after death. It just pains me that people are so self centered, dishonest, shallow, irrational, cruel, manipulative and cold. Some so much so that they are willing to parade the corpses of their deceased loved ones, to use them for some cause they are championing. To think that these people want to shut down this website, the ONLY place of support for many lonely, forgotten people fills me with rage.
Sorry if this post lacks direction, I am just writing down my thoughts. What I meant to ask all of you is how do you deal with grief you feel when our members, your friends pass away?
I lit a candle for woxi and in memory of all the people we have lost in the previous months.
May they rest in peace.
Since I registered here, quite a few people have left the site, some moved on from it, some have died. It is hard to grieve for people we never met in real life, people we only occasionally chatted with. It is hard to picture them, what they were like, how they behaved in real life, what their experiences were like, since we never saw them. I do not think we are fully aware of the pain others are going through. Woxihuanni's death really hit me hard. While she was alive, I enjoyed reading her posts, she was unbelievably witty, brutally honest and sharp. To think about the abuse she went through at the hands of a man who she once believed loved her is painful. The fact that a highly educated, ambitious woman ended her life because she could not go on anymore is horrifying. I am deeply disturbed by this. Maybe I am naive, but the cruelty and indifference of the world and the people around us still manages to get to me, to catch me by surprise.
When Deafsn0w died I felt the same unease in my stomach that I feel now. I wish there was more I could have done for her. She was so young. To think that people lose hope and feel defeated by their past trauma is really sad. It comforts me that our deceased members at least had friends here, people who were with them until the end. Many people in our lives have no idea what we are going through, and strangers often offer us more love and compassion than those close to us ever did. Today, I was telling my father how my mother cried after he had his heart operation this Summer because she thought we'd lose him, and she started defending herself: "No, I did not cry, you are lying". That made me sad and explained quite a lot about me and why I am the way I am today. She was always this cold and ASHAMED of expressing any sort of emotion. Even now, when she is in her seventies. Imagine growing up with a mother like that. Imagine being married to a woman like that. But I digress. This thread is not about me.
Today I see only pain inside of me and around me. To think how betrayed we often are by the people who are closest to us really hurts. Even in death, our relatives will distort what we were like and what we were about, like fixthe26 people did with falloutcarter13 and others. In the end, we have no say in how we are going to be treated in life or after death. It just pains me that people are so self centered, dishonest, shallow, irrational, cruel, manipulative and cold. Some so much so that they are willing to parade the corpses of their deceased loved ones, to use them for some cause they are championing. To think that these people want to shut down this website, the ONLY place of support for many lonely, forgotten people fills me with rage.
Sorry if this post lacks direction, I am just writing down my thoughts. What I meant to ask all of you is how do you deal with grief you feel when our members, your friends pass away?
I lit a candle for woxi and in memory of all the people we have lost in the previous months.
May they rest in peace.
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