Thoughts about CTB and life after death (the one thing holding me back)

[bleepbloopbleep]

I have made up my mind about life and CTB for a while now. As a 23 year old I was waiting for the day where even a period of happiness would make me understand why staying and living is worth it. But even at my happiest moments it didn't change my mind.

The thing is. I have no will to live, no motivation and not enough enjoyment really. But what I find really interesting is that the only thing that makes me stop and think about it I guess is that I don't really believe in an afterlife.

All the times I've thought about what people in my life would be like after my CTB or say about it, etc.
Recently I've been thinking about how I wouldn't be here to witness that anyways. And then when I think about the end, actual CTB. Yes I want it. But i guess the only thing to kind of stop me and make me think about it is the thought that it will just be that. And I'll be gone.

Why is it that that stops me? I don't think it's because I want to stay? Is it because I'm an attention seeker and want to know what everyone thinks of me? But then again I specifically chose a method that had a high success rate aka SN.

I don't know. I think about it. I reflect on it. I'm not sure why this is the only thing to stop me kind of.

I've never attempted in my life because I've always wanted to make sure it was a guaranteed method and something I wouldn't have consequences of later. (Obv SN is not entirely entirely guaranteed)

What are you guys's thoughts about it? Do you believe in the after life?

 

[pointblank]

No, I don't. I don't believe there is something that survives death. That paradigm is called eternal-ism and it is not scientific.

 

[bleepbloopbleep]

No, I don't. I don't believe there is something that survives death. That paradigm is called eternal-ism and it is not scientific.

I don't believe it either. But sometimes I wish there was or I wish I did.

There not being something kind of makes it harder sometimes.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

what's stops me is fear of failing and remaining alive with brain damage.

i'm not scared of an afterlife because there isn't any . a human is just a bug. does a fly have an afterlife?

a fly , lizard, fish ,monkey, rat, human have brain cells callled neurons. each individual neuron is identical in all species , a brain cell is a brain cell

i want non-existence asap which is what happens 1 nano-second after Death of the brain, non-existence forever.

 

[bleepbloopbleep]

what's stops me is fear of failing and remaining alive with brain damage.

i'm not scared of an afterlife because there isn't any . a human is just a bug. does a fly have an afterlife?

a fly , lizard, fish ,monkey, rat, human have brain cells callled neurons. each individual neuron is identical in all species , a brain cell is a brain cell

i want non-existence asap which is what happens 1 nano-second after Death of the brain, non-existence forever.

I want non-existence as well. But I'm also somewhat sad I won't be able to witness what my death will really mean to the people I know.

I have a partner whose heart is failing and who is already clutching his chest whenever we are in a big argument. Friends that don't see this side of me in more than a joking way. Suicidal sibling and a cousin that I'm afraid will end it after I do but as me being their final straw.

I almost wish I could monitor it.

Sometimes I think about just having a failed attempt first but I know my parents will then force me to move back in. My partner will have some sort of damage to their health and will probably break it off just for their own sake and health. My sibling and cousin I'm not sure. My friends will do everything to stop me. I will be forced to go to church. Change. And I don't want that.

 

[foreverlanguish]

I don't think we'll ever truly know what is there after death until it happens. For all I know there could be something there or nothing at all. Personally, I believe that people go to their ideal afterlife after death, but even I don't know. I do understand feeling nervous about being gone though, I've felt that way too, but I suppose with time or just gaining acceptance with it, it gets easier.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

It's understandable to want to know how people will deal with your death, and wish you could help them in some way. It doesn't make you a attention-seeker at all, having doubts about something like this is natural.

I don't believe in an afterlife. It'd be nice if there was some place you could go as a reward after death, but I just can't see it existing.