Thoughts of loved ones ctbing

[torturedmind]

Does anyone else ever get afraid that their loved ones who aren't suicidal may ctb? For example, I was in my bathroom tonight getting ready for bed, and I had the thought that my dad could be in his room about to ctb. My dad isn't suicidal and doesn't have depression or any other mental illnesses that I know of. But this thought made me so worried, I called out to him and asked if he is okay… It isn't logical, but I think it's because I myself deal with frequent suicidal ideation. I sometimes fear that my dad could be going through a mental battle that I know nothing about. This isn't necessarily relevant, but my dad's best friend shot himself in the head some thirty years or so ago. I also feel like his divorce from my mother was very hard for him, and that he still struggles with it 8 years later. He still has all of the love letters my mom wrote to him during their marriage…anyways, I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever experienced the irrational fear of loved ones choosing to ctb, even if they've never expressed feelings of wanting to do so.

 

[LostLily]

I'm afraid that my suicide might drive my love ones to ctb.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

I'm afraid that my suicide might drive my love ones to ctb.

I am worried about my soon to be 12 year old nephew. I am very close to him and he has expressed depression and anxiety already. Poor boy I love him so much and I wish things could be different. However I can't "live" like this anymore. I held on so long already. I have mentally been ready since I was 19, I'm mid 30s now. Time has gone by so quickly and my deterioration has escalated. Yes I worry very much for my close family because I know ctb can be contagious.