Thoughts on how you want your body to be found?

[yellowraincoat225]

I'm in the stages of ordering what I need to ctb, it's almost fun, like a puzzle game or a corn maze, except I don't really know what will happen when I reach the end. Maybe I'm manic or something.

I've been thinking a lot about where and how I want to be found. Should I be in a nice hotel so I have a good time before I go? Or a crappy motel where suicides are common/expected? Should I do it in my room where it's comfortable, or go into the woods where I'll be undisturbed?

Basically I'm debating between respecting my parents and the public or doing what's good for me. On one hand, suicide is already seen as a "selfish" thing to do, further inconveniencing them reflects poorly on me. But on the other hand, I'm literally killing myself, I think maybe I deserve to have something nice before I go. But I don't want to drag innocent people into my plans, I know it's inevitable, but the thought of ruining a hotel's reputation or traumatizing staff makes me unbelievably sad. No matter what I do, I'll mess things up for people. I know this forum is very supportive and doesn't believe we should have to force ourselves to stay for the sake of others, but now that I'm serious about ctb, I can't help feeling guilty.

I could throw myself into the ocean, I do like the beach, but the ego part of me doesn't want my bloated, waterlogged body to be found. Same reason I won't use a gun or a knife. I used to fantasize about my parents finding my mutilated body and finally understanding the shit they've done to me, but now I want them to find me peacefully sleeping.

Either way, I know I'll be dead so there's no point in caring, I don't have to deal with the fallout, that's kind of the whole point of ctb, but still, I can't help but think...

 

[ALXxᛦ]

this is one of the worst things for me regarding this cuz i dont want my parents to find me but they are most likely gonna check on me if i dont respond to them for awhile i wish that i could have the police sent to my place a few hours after its done or some shit but idk

 

[yariousvamp]

If I'm already dead, I wouldn't have a reason to care about anything in this world anymore
I don't care how my body will be found, i don't care what would happen to my body either, it's just a flesh prison that is keeping me from finding peace

 

[Namelesa]

Before I personally didn't care about how my body was found is or how it is, I wanted to punish my parents with my suicide for creating and trapping me but as I get closer to time I planned to experiment and try a method, i am getting regrets and feeling sort of sorry for them. I don't know how selfish i should be and if I am sacrificing too much of my wants so I please others or not. I have had a problem with being a people pleaser so i don't know what's right.

 

[TheHolySword]

Peacefully I guess. I don't want anyone to have to find a dead body but I don't want my loved ones to go without closure. So if it's just in a hotel room by the authorities and I look peaceful that's what I would want. I would want my family to be assured that I did not die painfully.

 

[simonttt]

I guess if I ever do this it will be in an airbnb or hotel, with an automated message that will be send to the authorities, so at least only professionnal people will find my body and be prepared to it. I don't want my act to impact people that have nothing to do with it

 

[Forever Sleep]

I worry about this too. I'm relatiely fortunate in that I live alone, so I don't have to worry about anyone but the police finding me. Even that though, I feel kind of bad about. I intend to make it as easy and safe for them as possible. I would send a delayed email to my solicitor to alert the police. Alert them in the email and with a note on the door to warn them what to expect, what method it was, whether they need to protect themselves with PPE- maybe provide this. Gloves etc. Although, I guess they'd have their own. I'd intend to lay down thick plastic sheeting and wear an adult nappy type thing to try and reduce the clean up. I even thought about leaving them some money although, I wonder if they could legally take it. I feel bad but then- I would go out in a clinic if I could and that would have saved them all that. It's not our fault we're left with these options.

I also feel bad for my neighbours and maybe it would make it harder to sell the property but, it still seems like the lesser of the evils.

I do understand why people use hotels. It seems kinder than leaving it to family members to discover. Plus, I'm sure there are ways to block just inside the entrance to the room with a sign to not enter and call the police. They must have protocols in place for suicides.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I just hope that my dead body gets discovered whilst I'm still 19 years old. I don't want to age any further in this cruel world

 

[AnderDethsky]

sleeping peacefully in my bed. And preferably under 25, because if I'm young and look so shitty, I'm scared to imagine what I'll be like. when I get old. For me, simply staying alive in such a body would be the greatest disrespect for myself, let alone how disgusting it will be for others.

 

[LostLily]

Wish I could just jump into the ocean and have my body washed away. But I understand having a body is jmportant to provide some closure for my family. I don't want to die at home so I'm gonna do it I. A hotel. And I will leave the staff a big tip as my way to apologize for this inconvenience.

 

[TAW122]

I have no particular thought on the manner in which I'm found as I'm solely focused on trying to succeed in my bus ticket (CTB) and while it would be a nice thing for me to do and consider (if I have the means and opportunity to), I would NOT sacrifice my attempt or plan or put my own attempt in jeopardy just to appease people in which I would not be around afterwards to witness or experience the aftermath of CTB. In other words, it would be something I consider, but just not at the cost of my own attempt because there is nothing worse than failing the attempt and not being able to attempt again in the future or end up with more suffering.

 

[areyousafe??]

I want to just disappear...I don't want anyone to be traumatised in finding my dead body. I work in personal injury, and a lot of police officers and firefighters are so traumatised following suicides that it affects them for the rest of their life. I don't want my suicide to traumatise or affect anyone else, I just want to leave this place peacefully, preferably in my own bed.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally it could never matter as after all if I no longer exist then this existence is no longer my concern and all is forgotten about for me, I'll finally be at peace which is all I've ever wished for. I only hope to be permanently unconscious incapable of suffering in any way, I only hope to never exist again, I only see non-existence as desirable and I'd never wish for the burden of human existence that is so torturous and futile to me.

 

[Gone soon]

Not alive. That's all that matters to me

 

[outrider567]

I would be with my Nitrogen Set-up in my store room/laundry room, but it would be many days before the police ever discover me, since I don't have much contact with anyone on a daily basis, semi-daily maybe

 

[nir]

In a perfect world, I would never want to be found. Just gone forever, like I never existed.

 

[prettyclam]

I'm in the same boat as you. As I define my plan to ctb, it feels like no matter what location I choose, someone will get traumatized one way or another. It'll suck if my parents find me, but innocent bystanders don't deserve to find a random strangers corpse either. Maybe I'll just walk into the forest and hope nobody ventures far enough to find me

 

[Death is my goal]

don't matter don't care

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I don't want to be found until I'm all bones.

 

[S1_ckJoe]

I have already tortured my parents too much with my mistakes, if they find me dead, I will break them and they dont deserve that. But I would like to die in a quiet place, I do not want anyone to find me.

 

[Next]

Best not found at all. I would find it comforting to lie down to die,
knowing that my body will never be found.

Most of the places I know for this are difficult to reach.

 

[ramona_flowers]

Either in my bed or somewhere that I know they'll never find me or my body is too far gone for identification by the time they do find me. If I do do it in my own home, I'll do it late at night so I don't have to worry about being a vegetable by someone trying to save me.

 

[Forveleth]

I'll probably die somewhere in my house. I'm polite enough to put a note on the door warning my corpse is on the other side. If I choose a method that might be messy I may try to ctb in the bathtub. Other than that, I don't care. The goal is to die, what happens after that is none of my business.

 

[willow115]

I want to die at home in my bed.

I wouldnt feel bad to die at a hotel. I'd try to keep it as clean as possible. I only feel deeply bad about suicides that are violent and/or dangerous for the public like trains or jumping in a bad spot.

I think there is a point in caring.

 

[mattoman]

I honestly just want my body to be found very simply, in one piece and recognizable. If not both, then either one or both.

 

[SVEN]

Preferably dead.

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

Best not found at all. I would find it comforting to lie down to die,
knowing that my body will never be found.

Most of the places I know for this are difficult to reach.

It not about the where. It's about the disposal of all your things to this life.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I don't care how I'm found, I just want out! Whoever finds me can do whatever they want with my corpse! That is the least of my worries. Now how I make it out is more important to me! I'm still waiting for my bus

 

[sillyboy98]

I keep going back and forth on this. One part of me wants some sort of vengeance, a very obvious and somewhat public suicide, so everyone knows they ignored all the obvious signs, that they should feel bad about how they treated me. But a bigger part of me doesn't want to hurt anyone. Maybe I could disappear. Or make it look like an accident.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

If i had too chose i'd rather be found a decomposited skeletal body preferably without my identity being linked to my skeletal body