Discussion Thoughts on suicide recordings.

[fjohn5]

How do you all feel about recordings of suicide? Do you view them frequently? Would you consider recording your own suicide?

Hey all, I'm curious to hear your opinions on recording and sharing videos of suicide. I personally find myself watching videos of suicide when I feel particularly distressed. I think part of it is an attempt to familiarize myself with suicide so I can slowly build my way up to having the courage to do it myself. Another reason I think I watch recordings of suicide is as a sort of vicarious living (pun intended) / wish fulfillment.

I also am attracted to the idea of a public suicide. Maybe this negative thought is symptomatic of my depression but it seems fulfilling to expose the world to the negativity I feel so overwhelmed by. I find it distressing seeing happy people walking about their day and in a cruel kind of way would like as many people possible to see me die. Does that sound as horrible and selfish as I think it does? It doesn't seem fair to be surrounded by happy-go-lucky people while I suffer and my perhaps illogical thinking would like to spread the suffering around.

And on the opposite end of the spectrum I consider how a recording of my suicide mighr affect my family and the possibility of them having to relive my death however many times.

As a final question: if you wanted a video of your suicide to spread, how would you go about it? Commiting in a public space and hoping for a bystander to film? Streaming on social media? Commiting in front of a few and hoping they proliferate the video?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

the bad part about this is, it's definitely going to end up on a gore etc website where people have fetishes etc.

obviously it's ok not to care about this in theory bc you won't be here to experience it. but the idea doesn't necessarily sit well with everyone.

I def understand familiarizing one's self with careful self exposure, esp if it is a method you're highly considering. seeing in real life what the body does can be important to some.

I believe they have the potential to be educational in the right circumstances but it's a fine line for your mentality.

personally, I won't be recording mine. I may have someone document it in writing for further education but that's it.

I hope this post sparks some nuanced discussion bc it's a very nuanced topic.

 

[Leiot]

I wouldn't do it. I want my exit to be as peaceful as possible and dragging a bunch of negativity into it doesn't appeal to me at all.

 

[SufferingNSilence]

I was just recently thinking about this like the night before last. The reason I was thinking about it was more for educational purposes(for lack of a better way of putting it). Like for example with SN, I'm curious to see actual recordings of people using it to ctb and how much they appear to suffer(or moreso "lack there of suffering hopefully), how long it took before lights out.. and of course--if it was successful with different people who go through with using it as their method..(etc, etc).

I wish I had answers for your remaining Q's. I just logged on bc Im having an extremely tough time and really just thought I would read some on the site, but just not up for typing/posting too much rn, tbh.

I hope some other members chime in with some good opinions/answers for you..

 

[Goosechan]

How do you all feel about recordings of suicide?

I think of a suicide as such a personal and intimate moment, so I wouldn't wanna watch one recorded. Even though I'm firmly pro-choice, there's always some tragedy behind a suicide, nobody catches a bus randomly. So I imagine watching them might make me sad.

Do you view them frequently?

Never. I would also not record my own. I wouldn't want people who cared about me in life risking stumbling upon seeing me die in a self-inflicted way. Also like Ophelia said, wouldn't wanna end up on one of those websites.

Does that sound as horrible and selfish as I think it does?

My personal believes about death, suicide and a whole lot of other things is that you shouldn't mess with peoples freedom and that you shouldn't shove believes in other peoples faces. Randoms on the street have nothing to do with your misery and they probably don't even know you were suffering, so they couldn't have helped. These people haven't consented to being impacted by something as intense as a suicide, so respectfully only speaking from myself and my set as ethics I'd say this is wrong and does indeed stray into selfish territory.

if you wanted a video of your suicide to spread, how would you go about it?

I guess alert the type of places that do enjoy....or maybe that's the wrong word but you get it, that sort of thing. I guess the most foolproof way would be a direct stream to a cloud (that maybe isn't hosted on a big platform with a lot of moderation) and posting the link on places like 4chan and whatever gore forums might exist. I don't know those. For the highest chance of succes on catching a bus make your surroundings as unrecognisable as possible. Generic background, only artificial light etc.

I hope this post sparks some nuanced discussion bc it's a very nuanced topic.

Your reply is a very nuanced one to start with and I find myself agreeing with a lot of your points.

I want my exit to be as peaceful as possible and dragging a bunch of negativity into it doesn't appeal to me at all.

Great perspective that I hadn't thought about before reading your post. Peaceful would be a requirement for my bus too.

 

[no_choice]

I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't want to it to fall into the hands of my abuser to give her the last laugh.

 

[fjohn5]

Randoms on the street have nothing to do with your misery and they probably don't even know you were suffering, so they couldn't have helped. These people haven't consented to being impacted by something as intense as a suicide, so respectfully only speaking from myself and my set as ethics I'd say this is wrong and does indeed stray into selfish territory.

I hear you. Logically thinking I suppose I can't really justify traumatizing strangers like that. Yet I still feel the compulsion to drag the world down with me into despair. I guess maybe I should just find a partner on that megathread lol. Anyway I appreciate your thoughtful response.

I will say that I've heard this analogy about how astronauts want to drag politicians up by their neck to space to view the earth as a whole and realize how meaningless they are. I think maybe that's part of my interest in recordings and proliferation of suicide videos. Idk I'm mentally ill and not thinking totally clearly tonight! Thanks again for your meaningful response

 

[mathguyisaac]

I sometimes view them, particularly hangings to see if I can stomach myself going through with what they are going through, I would never record mine to post tit to the world though. I want to die and be forgotten rather than viewed by random people.

 

[skatergirl]

I wouldn't do it. I want my exit to be as peaceful as possible and dragging a bunch of negativity into it doesn't appeal to me at all.

What's ur method

 

[fjohn5]

I sometimes view them, particularly hangings to see if I can stomach myself going through with what they are going through, I would never record mine to post tit to the world though. I want to die and be forgotten rather than viewed by random people.

Lol I feel totally conflicted between trying to die in the most private don't even tell my family way possible and streaming my suicide to everyone. Can totally appreciate wanting privacy and anonymity in death though

 

[Goosechan]

Yet I still feel the compulsion to drag the world down with me into despair.

You must have known a lot of misery to gain a perspective like that. I hear you too.

I will say that I've heard this analogy about how astronauts want to drag politicians up by their neck to space to view the earth as a whole and realize how meaningless they are.

That's actually a very good comparison, I think. Do you want people to see the meaningless of human life in seeing yout suicide or do you want them to see specifically your perceived lack of your own value? Or is it something else I'm nissing?

I'm sorry you're having a rough night. Mental illness can be such a burden. Honestly a complexed and nuanced topic like this keeps my mind from racing and tangling up all in itself so on behalve of my personal mental illness, thank you. I hope tomorrow will be more bearable for you than tonight is.

Thank you to for your meaningful reply.

 

[Leiot]

What's ur method

When the time comes, nitrogen.

 

[skatergirl]

When the time comes, nitrogen.

Ooh what's ur opinion on sn

 

[Leiot]

Ooh what's ur opinion on sn

It's just not for me. Nitrogen seems like the most peaceful way.

 

[maniac116]

No video for me. My CTB will be a very personal & private experience but wouldn't mind somebody watching it & reporting the data for benefit of others.

 

[skatergirl]

It's just not for me. Nitrogen seems like the most peaceful way.

Ooh where will u get it from tho

 

[Leiot]

Ooh where will u get it from tho

We've deviated from the original topic but I'll get it at an industrial gas supply.

 

[fjohn5]

Do you want people to see the meaningless of human life in seeing yout suicide or do you want them to see specifically your perceived lack of your own value? Or is it something else I'm nissing?

Hmmm. Im not sure I can 100% say what my goal in a public suicide would be. I guess it's mostly a resentment of those around me who I perceive as being happy tbh.

But at the same time how can you call the truth a resentment? People kill themselves every day -- mostly in private settings. Why not make those more public? Because people would be uncomfortable with confronting the truth? Too bad I guess!

I suppose it also would be a little protest. I'm not sure of exactly what other than that I'm tired of being unhappy and miserable privately.

 

[I_go_in]

Don't like it at all even if for me it's purely to see if they suffered or not (hopefully not). There's people out there who just like to see others die and I kinda feel like the people doing it even if I wish them the best are disrespecting themselves by showing it. But I know they probably feel just like me. Have respect for others but none whatsoever for yourself.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Ooh where will u get it from tho

please don't derail the thread, respectfully. if you have sourcing inquiries the search function is helpful, make a separate thread etc.

I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't want to it to fall into the hands of my abuser to give her the last laugh.

I can absolutely relate to this. ideally I want to see them go first but idk if I can stay that long bc I swear some evil force is keeping that persons POS ass alive.

No video for me. My CTB will be a very personal & private experience but wouldn't mind somebody watching it & reporting the data for benefit of others.

I def identify with this too. most of who have been here for a time know how much perspective documentation can bring and offer education in real time in terms of what goes on in the body (im speaking specifically of sn, if anyone knows of any close documented gas threads, not the mega thread but reports, please shoot them to me) and that info can assist people in making more informed choices about what is best for them

 

[fjohn5]

I'm shocked so far by the responses to this thread! I thought the Ronnie McNutt video had made suicide videos enter more of the mainstream -- but most individuals in this thread don't seem interested in viewing or producing suicide videos. I suppose that's good.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

I will do it. For me it is kind of performance art, a statement, my legacy.

 

[theolivanderroach]

I've seen a few. I appreciate them for educational purposes, especially since I consider using those methods. I'd never record myself because I don't like being perceived. I don't even post pictures of myself on social media, let alone something as private as ctb. And I wouldn't want anyone who knew me coming across it.

 

[Jeebo5021]

I have watched them on occasion. Selfishly it makes me feel less alone for considering it. Though still sad much of the time for the people doing it. I find myself imagining what could of happened to make them feel that way. Somehow I also feel guilty and ungrateful, since I'm not short of money. I just don't feel like I belong in this world and feel like a lame nuisance to people I meet.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

I've never watched a video or listened to a recording. Never will. I'm not strong enough. I won't make one for myself.
But I'm definitely toying with the idea of someone recording it. Before I joined here, I could never have imagined such a thing. Would've thought it was nuts. This community has been a necessity for me - I have nowhere else to go. Hurts just typing that. I think of the people that come after me, that have nowhere else to go. Who need help to be successful & as peaceful as their method affords them. And what I've realised in my time here, is that there are so many genuine people here - looking for advice & support for their bus or their recovery, like-minded people, similar struggles, all of that. But so, so, so many other members who are pro-lifers or reporters etc that make themselves obvious. But the really insidious ones are much harder to spot, normally working in tandem with others, spreading fear & misinformation wherever they go. Or just chaos. Being energy vampires who get everyone in a huff, piling on to their threads, but just getting the response they wanted - everyone looking at them, other people being looked over at their expense, the exact result they wanted. Not something mods have the capacity to monitor. I've fed those vampires but I'm trying to starve those mofo's now. My point (& I'm sorry it took this long, I'm not good at this) is that if documenting my CTB helps the site, the method, the seller OR ANY SINGLE PERSON stuck living a life they don't want or can't bear but are too scared or misinformed or distracted by the "noise" on this site, well, fuck me, that's something to be proud of. My friend that was much stronger & braver than me did it & if it weren't for them, I would never have considered it, even though we talked extensively about social responsibility & legacy to this site & being Batman - they did it & I couldn't be prouder (or more heartbroken, separate issue though).
Finding someone to trust might be the hard part. It's pretty obvious I have trust issues

 

[rozeske]

I wouldn't want mine recorded or viewed by millions of strangers most of whom with evil agenda, I wouldn't also want my loved ones to stumble up on it or the tons of nasty disrespectful comments that possibly endup surrounding, but I wouldn't mind having it documented on my gb thread in writing by a trusted and kind person. Not only for the educational and informativen-ess of it all but I'd assume the company of good energy with me at that time would be comforting in a way. Which is why I am most appreciative of such accounts as it's not an easy thing to do for both party nor is it a simple contribution.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I never seen a video of a suicide recording nor will I ever make my own. I'm already terrified enough already to make videos of me doing normal things or talking about normal things so it'll definitely be far worse and way more anxiety inducing if I were to make a video of me killing myself. If I were to attempt suicide, I would spend all of my energy on the attempt itself, not on anything else

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I never seen a video of a suicide recording nor will I ever make my own. I'm already terrified enough already to make videos of me doing normal things or talking about normal things so it'll definitely be far worse and way more anxiety inducing if I were to make a video of me killing myself. If I were to attempt suicide, I would spend all of my energy on the attempt itself, not on anything else

Totally agree. Especially about having never watched one and I never will.
The thought of making a video would never even occur to me if it weren't for this form.
Plus, even if I wanted to, I am not technically savvy enough to figure out how to do it and share it.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I appreciate it when others do it. Because it is nice to see confirmation that my method will work. But I personally want to be technology-free when I go. I just want to spend my last moments with myself without any distractions.

 

[Thlaxfigurada]

I won't do it, but I'm planning to take SN and seeing a SN CTB made me very comforted about mine when the time comes.

I appreciate it when others do it. Because it is nice to see confirmation that my method will work. But I personally want to be technology-free when I go. I just want to spend my last moments with myself without any distractions.

Agreed!