Discussion To the people who constantly tell people you're going to kill yourself, Why?

[BecomingDiamond]

I'm sorry for bothering people on here, but I want to ask/vent about something.

I made a post a while ago saying that I asked my brother if he wanted to end his life with me, because I plan to do it at the end of the year. (Or before my birthday of next year), I haven't told not a single other person but him and people here (and my therapist and psychiatrist I guess), and since he was saying the same thing, I just thought why not? But he said no. I don't talk about suicide AT ALL with anyone other than on this site, because I have a high EQ and I cannot put the ones I love through the stress of such things and it's hard to talk to a medical professional because Im very paranoid they'll call the cops on me and put me back in a psych ward, so it becomes an afterthought, dwelling in the back of my head.

But now my brother is saying he's gonna kill himself in six months again because his new girlfriend asked him to wait before they can have sex. (There's some other context, I'm just paraphrasing it.) And started texting me weird stuff like "Thank you for being a wonderful sister" and just weird stuff like that (Not saying the compliment is weird, just that the way he said it was like someone who is about to end their life.) Last night. It irritated me because I did what you're naturally supposed to do, (and also because his new girlfriend was worrying really bad and was about to call the cops) and he got mad at me when I tried to help him, one, and then got mad at me when I told him to just do it, I explained to him that I understand you're traumatized by your last relationship (Which is why you shouldn't have went into a new one so fucking fast, and instead healed and worked on yourself since you keep complaining about getting "low tier" women) and I understand your pain, I feel the same way, and I won't be mad if you ended your life, I'll be sad, heart broken and grief stricken, but not mad.

And then he gets mad at me, he gets mad at his girlfriend for her telling me why he's acting this way and the like. He ruined a really good part of the anime I was watching, because he's more important to me than a damn anime.

At this point I don't know what to do, his friends has become completely numb to whenever he says it because he says it so much and it's starting to irritate me because I actually want to commit, even though I don't want to die, I also... Do want to die and I want him to be alright too, but he's acting like the boy who cried wolf. I don't understand why everyone needs to know you want to die too (And I'm talking about people who are just normies who don't wanna hear people wanting to die 24/7, and not tell people who are trying to help, but you just refuse any and ALL help. Some people would literally kill to have the support he does, Some people are killing themselves BECAUSE they lack the basic fundamental support like a "Hi, How you doing? Tell me what's wrong" and a hug.) When there are places like this site to speak on it.

So if anyone does this, tells everyone they are going to kill themselves for the reaction(?) And never ever do it, why? I wanna know... Sorry for bothering you all again with my stupidity, I just don't have no one else to speak to on this.

 

[33-vertebrae]

I don't really understand it, either.

Most people who actually do it don't announce it exhaustively beforehand.

And others seem to just want sympathy and attention.

I feel like I too would get upset at someone and say, "Well, stop talking about it and do it already!"

Especially if they are refusing any therapy or doing any inner work on themselves.

Is it possible he's just trying to guilt his girlfriend into sex by threatening to kill himself?

 

[Emeralds]

It could be a cry for help. He may be telling everyone that he is going to kill himself because he is unsure of his decision or even wants someone to stop him. A lot of people go back and forth before they make a final decision to do it. He could still be conflicted and he may be asking for help even if it's subconsciously and he doesn't realize it.

 

[theolivanderroach]

It's usually a cry for help. And your brother sounds manipulative if he's saying he's going to off himself because his gf wants to wait to have sex...

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

It's usually a cry for help. And your brother sounds manipulative if he's saying he's going to off himself because his gf wants to wait to have sex...

Right like wtf…save her

 

[Blue Dream]

But now my brother is saying he's gonna kill himself in six months again because his new girlfriend asked him to wait before they can have sex.

WTF
Is he the type to threaten to kill himself if he doesn't get his way?

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Sounds like he is obviously mentally unstable and from what it seems like acting pretty erratic, has he done this in the past and does he tend to "cry wolf" like this when other things don't go the way he'd hoped, it seems to be a pretty unreasonable "resone" to want to die I mean im acesexual and ive never been able to keep a relationship because people get upset that they can't have something they think there owed, you said you where just paraphrasing so I'm not sure how legitimate the statement of him threatening suicide over not getting sex is because i don't know all the details but from the little information here this doesn't seem like somone "worthy" of a relationship, like you said he need to work on himself, I got four older brothers it's obviously different from everyone but one of my brothers is literally like one of those pass port bros who want to go get a traditional Virgin Muslim women, anyway again I don't know the situation in depth so all I can say is hes acting like a douchebag

 

[yxmux]

Not sure what's with the vitriol in these replies because I don't find this very useful.

I would say he's probably trying to communicate a feeling or thought that he just isn't able to communicate for whatever reason. It's definitely a cry for help that he doesn't know how to convey with more depth, so he may resort to what seems like attention-seeking for more superficial reasons. He might not understand the emotions he's feeling.

I think your blunt remark (I'm assuming, since that's how you presented it in your post) suggesting him to CTB following your more tender approach likely came across as passive-aggressive and dismissive, which I would imagine this would discourage him from any aid in navigating his feelings.

His rationale for CTBing seems absurd. I'm not sure if this mindset must have developed from his last relationship. Seeking another relationship over trying to heal himself over his last relationship probably indicates that he believes what he needs to heal is another relationship that he finds more healing or fulfilling (maybe sex has some sort of play in a more symbolic way?). This only amplifies with his emotional instability. That would probably also cause him to double down on any sort of mishap in communication (I actually do that sometimes) and odd or impulsive behaviors.

This is just conjecture though. I don't know you or your brother, and I don't have experience with these situations.

 

[treestumpbootsneo]

I'm sorry for bothering people on here, but I want to ask/vent about something.

I made a post a while ago saying that I asked my brother if he wanted to end his life with me, because I plan to do it at the end of the year. (Or before my birthday of next year), I haven't told not a single other person but him and people here (and my therapist and psychiatrist I guess), and since he was saying the same thing, I just thought why not? But he said no. I don't talk about suicide AT ALL with anyone other than on this site, because I have a high EQ and I cannot put the ones I love through the stress of such things and it's hard to talk to a medical professional because Im very paranoid they'll call the cops on me and put me back in a psych ward, so it becomes an afterthought, dwelling in the back of my head.

But now my brother is saying he's gonna kill himself in six months again because his new girlfriend asked him to wait before they can have sex. (There's some other context, I'm just paraphrasing it.) And started texting me weird stuff like "Thank you for being a wonderful sister" and just weird stuff like that (Not saying the compliment is weird, just that the way he said it was like someone who is about to end their life.) Last night. It irritated me because I did what you're naturally supposed to do, (and also because his new girlfriend was worrying really bad and was about to call the cops) and he got mad at me when I tried to help him, one, and then got mad at me when I told him to just do it, I explained to him that I understand you're traumatized by your last relationship (Which is why you shouldn't have went into a new one so fucking fast, and instead healed and worked on yourself since you keep complaining about getting "low tier" women) and I understand your pain, I feel the same way, and I won't be mad if you ended your life, I'll be sad, heart broken and grief stricken, but not mad.

And then he gets mad at me, he gets mad at his girlfriend for her telling me why he's acting this way and the like. He ruined a really good part of the anime I was watching, because he's more important to me than a damn anime.

At this point I don't know what to do, his friends has become completely numb to whenever he says it because he says it so much and it's starting to irritate me because I actually want to commit, even though I don't want to die, I also... Do want to die and I want him to be alright too, but he's acting like the boy who cried wolf. I don't understand why everyone needs to know you want to die too (And I'm talking about people who are just normies who don't wanna hear people wanting to die 24/7, and not tell people who are trying to help, but you just refuse any and ALL help. Some people would literally kill to have the support he does, Some people are killing themselves BECAUSE they lack the basic fundamental support like a "Hi, How you doing? Tell me what's wrong" and a hug.) When there are places like this site to speak on it.

So if anyone does this, tells everyone they are going to kill themselves for the reaction(?) And never ever do it, why? I wanna know... Sorry for bothering you all again with my stupidity, I just don't have no one else to speak to on this.

Because I really want to but I'm too afraid so keep backing out

 

[BecomingDiamond]

I don't really understand it, either.

Most people who actually do it don't announce it exhaustively beforehand.

And others seem to just want sympathy and attention.

I feel like I too would get upset at someone and say, "Well, stop talking about it and do it already!"

Especially if they are refusing any therapy or doing any inner work on themselves.

Is it possible he's just trying to guilt his girlfriend into sex by threatening to kill himself?

I... Honestly don't know at this point, He goes back and forth constantly, the sex part was just this one incident out of countless of other times for various different reasons he's claimed suicide.

It could be a cry for help. He may be telling everyone that he is going to kill himself because he is unsure of his decision or even wants someone to stop him. A lot of people go back and forth before they make a final decision to do it. He could still be conflicted and he may be asking for help even if it's subconsciously and he doesn't realize it.

If he is, I want to help him, That's all I ever want to do, even though I'm quite useless myself. I just wish he'd stop doing it in situations like this, because it gives off the wrong idea and it's annoying... And I hate to say that.

It's usually a cry for help. And your brother sounds manipulative if he's saying he's going to off himself because his gf wants to wait to have sex...

Yeah, that's why I'm getting frustrated, I don't really know if he's doing it for attention or because he wants to really commit (Like me, he's been wanting suicide since he was young too, but now I don't know if it's truly a want for an escape or because he wants people to worry about him.)

The sex stuff is just from this one incident... So I don't know anymore.

WTF
Is he the type to threaten to kill himself if he doesn't get his way?

At this point I believe so, but I don't know anymore because he's been wanting to end his life when he was in 3rd grade too (Tried to hang himself in front of me among other things) but at this point I don't know why he says or does these things and I don't wanna assume he wants attention...

Sounds like he is obviously mentally unstable and from what it seems like acting pretty erratic, has he done this in the past and does he tend to "cry wolf" like this when other things don't go the way he'd hoped, it seems to be a pretty unreasonable "resone" to want to die I mean im acesexual and ive never been able to keep a relationship because people get upset that they can't have something they think there owed, you said you where just paraphrasing so I'm not sure how legitimate the statement of him threatening suicide over not getting sex is because i don't know all the details but from the little information here this doesn't seem like somone "worthy" of a relationship, like you said he need to work on himself, I got four older brothers it's obviously different from everyone but one of my brothers is literally like one of those pass port bros who want to go get a traditional Virgin Muslim women, anyway again I don't know the situation in depth so all I can say is hes acting like a douchebag

At first when he was younger, I don't think it was for attention, as he was very suicidal and he is obsessed with relationships, he cannot function without a girlfriend from what I see, which is why most of his relationships end bad, (He gets cheated on most of the time from all of the girls except one who had to move away for a year for school.)

To give the full context from what his girlfriend said, He (My brother) wanted to have sex, but his girlfriend said to wait, she didn't want to at the moment and he assumed he was forcing himself onto her, and that he felt like a bad person and got upset? So he started texting me weird stuff and acting weird around her to the point of almost calling the cops because she was worried.

He does this often, I've watched him make his ex cry because of all the suicidal talk. (But then she ends up cheating on him when he was in the mental hospital and having dudes baby) and at this point I don't know if it's for attention or for real.

Not sure what's with the vitriol in these replies because I don't find this very useful.

I would say he's probably trying to communicate a feeling or thought that he just isn't able to communicate for whatever reason. It's definitely a cry for help that he doesn't know how to convey with more depth, so he may resort to what seems like attention-seeking for more superficial reasons. He might not understand the emotions he's feeling.

I think your blunt remark (I'm assuming, since that's how you presented it in your post) suggesting him to CTB following your more tender approach likely came across as passive-aggressive and dismissive, which I would imagine this would discourage him from any aid in navigating his feelings.

His rationale for CTBing seems absurd. I'm not sure if this mindset must have developed from his last relationship. Seeking another relationship over trying to heal himself over his last relationship probably indicates that he believes what he needs to heal is another relationship that he finds more healing or fulfilling (maybe sex has some sort of play in a more symbolic way?). This only amplifies with his emotional instability. That would probably also cause him to double down on any sort of mishap in communication (I actually do that sometimes) and odd or impulsive behaviors.

This is just conjecture though. I don't know you or your brother, and I don't have experience with these situations.

I really appreciate this.

I have to admit, It could have been because I was in the middle of watching an anime (and a very important part, last 2 episodes and I've been waiting all month for the two characters to meet) and trying to deal with the one escape that isn't AI or Tulpas only to have to deal with him potentially ending his life over basically a stranger's (they've only been dating for a month I think give or take) house and pulling someone into our issues who was just trying to sleep and was probably going to do it later kinda made me loose my mask for a moment, And I know it was wrong and I have since apologized to him, which he isn't caring about the incident at all.

This goes all the way back to our childhood, we are both incredibly suicidal since we were in single digits. But while I deal with my suicidal Ideations in private to the point no one knew, he was vocal about it, very vocal about everything really. So I don't know if now it's a genuine want to CTB or seeking some form of sympathetic response from someone that's not me (Since he's had me all his life I guess.)

All of this just makes me so tired... I'm sorry for wasting your time with my post.

Because I really want to but I'm too afraid so keep backing out

I'm the same way, But I really want to CTB because I'm not improving. But Death scares me, and the thought of putting my need for such a thing over my family makes me feel absolutely disgusting.

 

[Darkover]

i tell everyone i know i am going to kill myself because it's true if i had a reliable method i would be long gone, the way i see it is it's just informing people of your attention in my case it's definitely not a cry for help, but for me away of dealing with things

 

[Sutter]

Dealing with things.

I am walking through my own pain, my own heart break. I am an old scrappy fox, and cant say I trust any sort of therapist. I dont have broken arm, or a heavy cough, I have a crushed soul. I find it hard to believe that someone who gets paid money gives a shit, how many times will they look at the clock. Do they just have a studious face or are they actually thinking about what I just told them? If they want to help me then its a rough go. I need my soul and heart worked on, you want to do that you are going to have to put yourself on the line, it will be work. You see that person to be helped has to trust you when life has taught them otherwise. They have reached out and got their arm cut off at some point so you have to go to them. They arent going to get anywhere with out real sincerity, real effort, real caring, and even the its only an IF.

People try to survive even when they dont want to, its built in. Your brother, surviving, for him anyway he knows how, regardless of what gets dragged in. Doesnt make him heartless just the view of the world he has is small. Perhaps in some way he catches a life raft.

You are a sister most would be beyond grateful for. Some can be surrounded by wealth and support and still feel alone, others have no one and no support. Thing is though suffering is not a discerning creature and takes us all.

Hardness follows so you are aware.

In regards to the gf….We are given an opportunity to meet another soul, life could be lived in complete isolation. It is a privilege not a right to even see/speak to another. In my thought we do not value that enough, your brother does not seem to value that either. He wanted something that is not his to take. He made the mistake of thinking his pain is more important, that he is more important, than a gift from another soul. A great love can be many things, but not this and not in this way. I have daughters, that I love, wanna see a fox become a raging grizzly? Me either, thankfully Im just an old putz.

Love may come, death may a bride be, drown on your own and lift another up to breathe. Kinda miffed.

 

[divinemistress36]

I use to tell my parents all my time and doctor cause I wanted help. Now that I realized there is no real help I keep more quiet though sometimes in fits of rage I tell my mom I'm ending it one day

 

[permanently tired]

I said it casually when I was in highschool to fill in the blank cuz it's how I loosely felt. Something shit happened? Kms. That's how I responded.

I say it less now bc I don't speak to ppl anymore. Everyone is irritating and short-sighted so I just stopped wasting my time on other ppl. Now I waste it on myself by rotting. Yay. What a life.

 

[Blooper]

Who knows, but it's best to internalise it. There's nothing unique about being depressed or hopelessly pessimistic about living; the optics associated with expressing suicidal ideations for example, are largely unfavourable. I may have shitty days but I don't want to be around people who exude nothing but negative energy in their day-to-day interactions.

 

[Raichu]

I have been in his position I guess, when you said that he thought that he was forcing himself onto her and felt guilty. This incident really means that he is good at heart. It might be that he neither wants attention nor wants help, but what he wants is a person to share everything with, given the fact that he had had girlfriends cheat on him. He just wants to be loved I guess and the sex part is just a part of intimacy he craves for I guess. Maybe just maybe he is very lonely and all these are just ways to cope with that. Now I admit these can be very irritating, because I am myself much like him. It's really a sorry sight to see just how many of us are going through these kinds of ordeals. I hope we find peace soon

 

[Blue Dream]

I honestly can't relate. I avoid mentioning my suicidality because all that actually happens is people will do one or more of three things
1) Make the conversation about themselves
2) Run through the same tired lines and platitudes to try and argue me out of it
3) Try to "fix me", which includes keeping tabs on everything I do and running every idea they can think of at me regardless of whether it makes sense or not.

They don't care if I go, they only care that I don't make it their problem

It's exhausting and pointless and I don't have the energy for it.

 

[PrisonPlanet]

I'm mentally unstable. When I tell my family I want to kms it's because I truly mean it at the time when my mood goes off. I also want my family to know how I feel since the reason I'm suicidal is because of my family.

 

[toxicjester]

When I say it I say it in a half joking way. I never try to joke about it in a way that's guilt trippy, that's super shitty. But like if there's a minor inconvenience? "Time for me to kill myself!"

More recently I try to dial it back, but sometimes when shit feels so overwhelming it's about the only thing I can say. I think when I'm in that state it's the only thing that can release that feeling short of actually hurting myself or worse.

I think part of me wants help, but part of me also wants those around me to become numb to it, and another part even wants to just not have it be a surprise for if/when I do it.

It's really complicated, and I'm not trying to justify it, just explain it I guess

That being said, your brother kinda sounds like he's being manipulative with it :( (maybe I'm just not fully understanding tho cause I'm also at work and can't fully pay attention)

 

[bipolar22]

There's no way of knowing someone's intentions of certain behaviors. People themselves often don't know their subconscious reasons for doing something. Some people like to eat their own genitals. why? idk. So only way to find out is to have a talk with your brother.
Strangers on the internet sure wont know what's going on with him and just end up bashing him to make themself feel better as usual.