Rudeus_Greyrat
Member
- Oct 13, 2024
- 44
I made a huge mistake. Today is my birthday. I went on the chat with my 5 year girlfriend, ex from one week. I read her messages from one year ago.
Why am I so stupid? Why do I need to suffer because of my own, stupid, ridicolously self-harming brain?
I read all that love, all that unconditional love, right at midnight; I remember, she waited exactly for 00:00 to send me her happy birthday.
I was so happy. No one should experience the happiness that I had. That perfect life, devoid of any stress, or anxiety.
I can't live on, after losing everything.
This world has shown me the best it could give, just to take it away from me in less than a month. I can't stand it.
Nothing will ever compare. I can't trust anyone. I can't love anyone.
I can't stand slaving away, and yet, I wonder how to organize my CTB. Part of me hasn't accepted it yet, as it clings to the glimmer of hope inside everyone. But it's nothing but a speck of dust, an insignificant nothing that will soon disappear.
I wish to go to the next world, that is for certain. I just need to realize that hope is nothing but a cruel survival mechanism that the body uses to imprison the soul.
And every passing day, I feel less attached to life.
Why am I so stupid? Why do I need to suffer because of my own, stupid, ridicolously self-harming brain?
I read all that love, all that unconditional love, right at midnight; I remember, she waited exactly for 00:00 to send me her happy birthday.
I was so happy. No one should experience the happiness that I had. That perfect life, devoid of any stress, or anxiety.
I can't live on, after losing everything.
This world has shown me the best it could give, just to take it away from me in less than a month. I can't stand it.
Nothing will ever compare. I can't trust anyone. I can't love anyone.
I can't stand slaving away, and yet, I wonder how to organize my CTB. Part of me hasn't accepted it yet, as it clings to the glimmer of hope inside everyone. But it's nothing but a speck of dust, an insignificant nothing that will soon disappear.
I wish to go to the next world, that is for certain. I just need to realize that hope is nothing but a cruel survival mechanism that the body uses to imprison the soul.
And every passing day, I feel less attached to life.
